It's Friday, August 28th, 2015.
Better known as "Open House" at the Unbelieva-Base!
Yep, lucky you. We're opening up the files and doling out some stuff you're going to find ... well ... unbelievable.
But believe it. It's all true.
With Clark starting off the week revealing Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters is an Unbelievable operative and Jeff following up with his tale about MyMy* today's conclusion is no coincidence it's open house day here. And let me tell you, folks: You best grab a seat and pay attention. The revelations herein are not only going to confound and amaze you, they're going to grow in fantastickness as each new offering gets put out there.
Ready? Here we go.
Operatives. The Unbelievables would be hard pressed to function without them. Oh ... we're more than capable of doing it all ourselves -- the crime fighting, the parties, the social responsibilities, the macrame classes -- but why put ourselves through all that huffing and puffing when we have willing cronies to assist us? We like to take a break or three just the same as the other guy. And let's face it: You're not going to find a better gaggle of monikers anywhere out there than right here, let me tell you.
Hokay, no more monkeying around ... here we go.
You think Dave Grohl is the only musician The Unbelievables rub elbows with? If you do, you'd be wrong.
The Purple one, the one and only Prince, visits us on and off from his abode in Minneapolis.. Graduate of many of our Unbelievanars® and heavy duty training sessions. We use him for some of the most delicate and sensitive undercover operations that crop up from time to time. You'd think his celebrity alone would be a backward step in keeping clandestine but the guy is just that good. Matter of fact, he's taught us a couple things along the way. A valued Unbelievable asset to our arsenal.
Now, you wouldn't think the handsome, outspoken Mr. Cruise would even have time for The Unbelievables with all the films and appearances and whatnot he seems to constantly be engaged in. But he digs the line of work we're in. All that showbiz stuff is make believe; the kind of crime fighting we offer is very attractive to him. It's little wonder he enjoys the challenges we throw his way.
You'd think this guy is nothing but a stodgy old number cruncher ... but where do you think The Unbelievables acquired much of our financial know how? Duh ...
Jane Goodall. You wouldn't think there's much monitoring in the jungle deep of Africa. There is. (But not too much.) That's where Jane comes in. She's savvy, completely unsuspecting to any foreign ne'er-do-wells and her accent beguiles anyone she comes into contact with. We're lucky to have her on our side. (Bonus: Monkeys and apes!)
Tom Brokaw. Wow ... really?!? Yes, really. And you thought he was retired. (He is ... just from reporting national news.) Not only is Tom fast-thinking and worldly, man ... does the dude have outside connections that come in handy. We love Tom!
See? I told you we had a bevy of operatives at our disposal.
What? More? You want to know more, being it's Open House Day? Wow ... you guys are demanding.
Well ... would you believe Ryan Seacrest does scouting and reconnaissance for us? Yep ... he certainly does. And usually right in the middle of his radio show, too. The guy's a multi-tasker extraordinaire ...
Here's one you'd never suspect we're buddy-buddy with: Crispin Glover. And yes ... he's a strange bird. You'd never know it but the guy is eager as a beaver to get his hands dirty and place himself right in the middle of tense situations for our benefit. (And the benefit of the public at large, too.) He's a loon, but we love the guy.
Speaking of loony, a gentleman who recently retired from the airwaves is continually calling us and asking if we have anything for him to do. Seems as if working five days a week on his own show for years and years and then going cold turkey doesn't quite sit well when you're used to being on top of everything. Of course, we're talking David Letterman. Dave's an outstanding "behind the scenes" guy, running down leads and hunches and more.
Ready for a bombshell? Who's Dave without his "partner" Oprah at his side? Oprah doesn't do much but keep Dave entertained, but she's good in pinch when we need to acquire some pricey weaponry or if we have high-profile hurdles needing circumvention.
So ... one more for you and then we'll need to close the door on this year's open house.
Our piece de resistance Unbeliveable operative is none other than ... Burt Reynolds.
In his late 70s? Washed up? Hardly. Burt's still a powerhouse of energy. (Which is good for him because Clark likes to try out new Unbelieva-Fu® moves on him.) We even have him conduct some of our Unbelievanars on occasion ... in costume, that is. We don't want any participants getting all swoony or glassy-eyed at the sight of him. Think about it: If you were at one of our sessions you'd have a difficult time controlling the stars in your eyes with Burt at the head of the class pontificating on Unbelieva-Zen or some such. Am I right?
I thought so.
That's it, folks. Maybe later we'll delve into the secret files and pull out a case or two featuring the above mentioned for your enjoyment ... and to show you they're really worth their weight in gold, not just flashy eye candy.
... though, it's a little rough picturing Crispin Glover as eye candy, if you know what I mean.
*Yet another nick name we have for Miley Cyrus