Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The "R" word, among others

I think Michael is talking about a certain vernacular we employ among ourselves, a code language if you will. He might be talking about something else. He confuses me frequently. But no, I'm pretty sure he means this, what I've written about down below.

You're probably already familiar with the military's use of positions on a clock's face to indicate something's location relative to a certain point. "Enemy fighters coming in at six o'clock!", for example, is something you might exclaim to your buddies if you were a combat pilot and you were suddenly under attack from behind. Or if you were the most despised practical joker in your squadron.
No, it doesn't mean you have a couple of hours to tidy up. It means THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
Since just about everybody knows that, it doesn't make sense for us to use it, at least not if we're trying to keep things to ourselves. So we might use a phrase like "Golden stems correct" which sounds like nonsense. But "golden" is another word for "yellow" or "blonde", "stems" is slang for legs" and "correct" is also a way of saying "right". So if I were to say to Jeff, "Golden stems correct", it means if he were to look to his right, he might see this:
Although, he probably would've spotted this on his own
I can tell you that we also use our own version of the phonetic alphabet, which is similar to that used by the military (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, etc.). We change it frequently so bad guys can't get a handle on us and what we're talking about but here's a recent version...
A = Alfie (We're big fans of Michael Caine)
B = Butt (as in Kick)
C = Chateau
D = Dean (Martin)
E = Eden (as in Barbara)
F = Flambe
G = Gordy (as in Berry. Or "Gordie" as in Howe)
H = Haberdasher
I = Phone (because those are popular now)
J = Julie (as in Newmar)
K = Kick (as in Butt)
L = Louise (as in Tina)
M = Manon (as in Rheaume)
N = Nancy (as in Sinatra)
O = Onassis (as in Jackie)
P = Perignon (as in Dom)
Q = Queen (as in God Save The)
R = Raquel (as if she even needs a last name)
S = Sauna
T = Tawny (as in Kitaen)
U = Uvula
V = Venus
W = Weapons
X = Xylophone (because X is always xylophone)
Y = Chromosome (clever!)
Z = Zavier (Michael insisted that we use 'Xavier' and we told him we already had an X-word)
This is a pretty good tool and usually serves us well. There was this one time that a bad guy was sneaking up behind Michael to hit him in the head with an actual xylophone. We tried to warn him but he refused to acknowledge "xylophone" as our official X-word while spelling "xylophone". By the time we re-spelled it with "Zavier", he had suffered a nasty gash that required a couple of stitches (but it did make a pretty noise). He's still kinda mad at us about that.

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