Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Not Only Lies But Impending Doom

Jeff touched on the lies unbeknownst to us as kids.

But I'm going to bring to light something much more heinous than simple lies posted between the pages of our favorite funny books.

Something not only heinous but downright deadly.

Ever seen one of these things, a Swing Wing? They were popular for a moment in time back in the mid-60s:

Sure ... it looks fun. Carefree. It's plainly crafted to appear as if it will keep kids entertained for hours on end.

But that is a complete falsehood. In truth? It's downright deadly.

See the kid stumbling along while rotating his Swing Wing, trying to shuffle forward? (He's at the 14 second mark of the video.) Seconds later, you see him walking toward you listing to his left. That, folks, is the first sign of brain damage inflicted in the act of having "fun" with this suspect vintage toy.

Back in the day, you played with this thing once and you were addicted. Play with it over and over again and neck injuries ensued.

Then upper back problems followed.

Spinal deformation began to appear next.

Hip pain and inexplicable numbness slowly became evident.

Later? Death.

Yeah ... it's all fun and games until some kid croaks.

So The Unbelievables enlisted their buddy "Sfez" (one of our cadre of informants) to put together a little piece to showcase some of the dangers of the Swing Wing.

The finished product was disseminated on national television with just about every major network on board with its distribution. "The parents need to know what this thing does!" they cried.

Quicker than you can say "cervical fracture" the Swing Wing disappeared from store shelves.

Because ... no parent should have to lose a child to something like this.

It's not just criminals, ne'er-do-wells and thugs The Unbelievables rid the world of. We do our duty for the common good and for the future of humanity: The children.

Once again: World? You're welcome ...

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