Friday, April 10, 2015

The Saddest Troll Of All

You really have to feel for this guy ...

Folks? You've seen Monday's and Wednesday's posts. But what I'm about to impart to you today is probably one of the saddest tales of all ... as if the tales Clark and Jeff told weren't sad enough.

This one? Involves the popular Travelocity Gnome, better known as "The Roaming Gnome: Denouncer of Travel Myths."

You know him. You've seen him. And you probably don't like him all that much. I haven't personally come across anyone who does. As a matter of fact, I don't even like him all that much.

But this tale of The Roaming Gnome is somewhat tragic. Cruel. Heartless. Hateful.

The Gnome, by nature, is a vertically-challenged, diminutive figure. In short, he's short. Really short. That's the card he's been dealt. Imagine yourself that short - life would be rather difficult, no?

And that's just the attribute some might grab and make off with, just to be mean.

And there's no one meaner than Henri Petit, let me tell you.

What a little shit ...

Forget Michael Jackson and his childish antics toward Russell Crowe. You thought Don Knotts was rough on Steve McQueen? Not a chance. Compared to the daily doings Petit foists on The Roaming Gnome, those two are bush league wannabees.

Petit, as it turns out, concocts devious ways to sneak The Gnome's meals away, hiding them in difficult to reach or get to locales forcing The Gnome to go running for his comestibles. Plus, Petit replaces The Gnomes foodstuffs with little passive aggressive notes ... clues to where The Gnome can find his meals.

Sometimes it's on the roof top of an 80-story skyscraper. Balanced on a tree top. A difficult to get to fire escape. A treacherous mountain summit.

And the notes he leaves ... talk about cold-blooded:

"Hey, Clarky ... you're oatmeal is getting pretty cold up there on the roof of Trump Tower. On the plus side, it's decked out on The Donald's best linens. But not for long ... better hurry. I mean ... I know you like to 'travel' ... so get to it, Buddy."
Like I said ... cruel.

Where does Petit get this sadistic bent? Well, you might have noticed what he's knicknamed The Roaming Gnome - "Clarky." It's a not-so-subtle knock at the physical and mental anguish our own Clark projects on that buttface Petit. That second-hand-smoke-factory-in-a-child's-frame is shamelessly passing his woes onto that poor little gnome with bitter, callous disregard.

Petit is a sad, sad, spiteful little twerp, let me tell you ...

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