It's (Not So Much) A Halloween Mystery

Negative Charge

The single-most puzzling (and polite) villain ever

Remember Monday's post? Where Clark suggested you send entries into us to be judged Halloween Day? This very day?

And Jeff's? Wherein he intimated cryptically "there may be a prize in it for you" ... ???

Have you seen the comment sections on both those posts? You'll notice they're blank as a 5th grader's newly purchased spiral-bound notebook - as blank as the day they were created.
 
Now, as popular as The Unbelievables are, you might be asking yourself: "Hey ... Unbelievables: How can this possibly be?!? Where are all the entries?"

Well ... we thought that very same thing. And, doing a little digging, we've got an answer for you ...

It just so happens 1,258 entries were submitted to both Clark's and Jeff's posts combined. Not a single one of them showed up on the site though.

And currently? There's no way those entries are showing up any time soon.

How do we know this? Is there anyone behind the gaff? You bet your sweet Aunt Patootie we know:

So called "Master Of Electricity" Negative Charge.

He and his "minions" Kevin, Bob and Ted are the instigators and "master minds" behind the absence of entries with Negative Charge himself taking full credit for the deed. How do we know this?

A letter we received from the dolt:

Dear Unbelievables:

Thought I would pull a little Halloween "prank" on you and your plans to hold a costume contest. (Sorry ... but, you know ... I'm a villain. It's my nature.)

Consider it "payback" for you three foiling my plans over the years. (Apologies for holding a grudge.)

Sincerely,
Negative Charge

P.S. Again, please accept my heartfelt acknowledgments for messing with your contest. It's what I do.

(Seriously, the guy is one of the weirdest super criminals we've ever encountered. Who apologizes for being bad?)

So, Charge put the ki-bosh on our contest plans, folks. We know all of you we're looking forward to some high-falutin' costumed fun. Things don't always work out. The best laid plans, y'unnerstan' ...

As consolation, I'm providing one of my all-time favorite (and puzzling) costumes ever:

I absolutely love this costume ...

At any rate, have a Happy Halloween, Unbelieva-Fans ... !!!

Ghosts of Costume Parties Past

Now, you may be wondering (you may not be wondering actually, I've no idea), "Since you guys are experts in disguise, you must love getting dressed up for little or no reason, so why do you only have ONE costume contest per year?".

Well, it's true, we ARE rather fond of dressing up. And we LOVE a good costume party.

Us with Marissa at the 1968 Halloween Mixer. Who's who? Hint: Marissa's on the right.

We've been holding costume parties since forever. But it was only after a couple years we realised what a good opportunity fancy dress balls present to us crimefighting types. Opportunities to gather information.

We decided it would be a rather brilliant wheeze if we were to put the word out on the grapevine that we were hosting a costume party, knowing that eventually, word would reach the criminal underground.

Master criminals are very fond of dressing up and showing off (think The Joker, The Penguin, et al). Even ugly toddler Henri Petit and the diabolical Lester Von Hornrimm have been known to slap on some greasepaint and funny clothes from time to time - and to dress up for a party too (see what I did there? Ha ha ha!).

That's Henri in the middle.

Any road up, what we'd do is this...

Get some of the Unbelievababes to work the door, serve the drinks etc. All in costume, of course.

Guests arrive, in costume.

Everyone's in costume, nobody knows who is who, the guests eat, drink, relax and start talking shop.

We have microphones placed everywhere, recording conversations between evil-doers and ne'er-do-wells.

It's brilliant. And because nobody knows who is wearing what, sometimes we don't even show up!

We're elsewhere, kicking butt and fighting crime. 

But anyway, that's not the point. I was supposed to talk about entries from previous Unbelievables costume contests. There were many clangers and howlers I can recall, but my favourite one is this - it's wrong and right on so many levels I have to give it a special mention.

The name's not quite right, and there are only two, but come on! Borderline genius, Elsie and Fay Rectangle from Attleboro, MA!

Oh, and a special Happy Halloween greeting to our spectacular friend Monica Lewis (yes, that Monica Lewis, who is seen here getting in on the act.)

P.S. The real reason we only have ONE costume contest per year? Halloween, natch.

Get those entries in! There may be a prize in it for you! Or not.

This year's Unbelievable Costume Contest

Boo!
Just kidding. I didn't mean to scare you.
But it is Halloween again and that means we're having our annual costume contest again, with all proceeds benefiting the Eleanor Greeble Foundation which helps young people who are saddled with the unfortunate circumstance of being given the name of an elderly person.

I'm here to give you some background.

First, of course, the idea is to dress up like us, The Unbelievables.
That said, please don't bother submitting anything where you're wearing an Unbelievables costume you bought at the store.

We appreciate it, of course, but it's difficult to judge a perfect, authorized likeness of us. Plus it lacks imagination.

Sepia-tinged photography is an interesting form of expression. Photos like this one express that there is a pit full of innocent people screaming nearby. We don't like that.

A twist on gender is very clever and of course, the contest is open to women! I don't know who is supposed to be whom in this photo but those are fine costumes.

We are not, however, fond of zombified versions of us. It's morbid. It's not against the rules, but you won't win.

If you'd like to submit an entry, feel free to do so in the comments. We'll announce a winner on Friday. In the meantime, Jeff and Michael will give you their thoughts on memorable moments from contests gone by.

Disguise The Limit

For us, it's easy. For you schmoes, not so much. Using our well-honed undercover disguise skills, a touch of Unbelieva-Zen and more than a smidge of help from the "Sooper Disguise-O-Matic Undercover Kit" (Patent Pending) we can transform ourselves at will into any ethnicity or nationality.

For example...

Asian/Native American 80s hip-hop dude (?)

Scottish time traveller...

South Korean...

Aussie...

Hispanic funny dude...

Frenchmen...

Canadian...

and whatever the heck this is.

Yes folks. The pictures above are ALL us.

What sort of results would ensue if we weren't professionals who have practised our craft for years? Most likely the same results you guys would get if you tried it. Which is why we don't recommend that you do. Try it, that is.

Of course it helps that we have a certain degree of wit,sophistication, charm and disarming modesty too. That way we are able to mingle with anyone and everyone, from the highest to the lowest. F'rinstance...

Helping one G. Butler Esq. home from the local boozer.

Shopping fun with our buddy Hugh.

Giving Luke a bit of a squeeze. He likes to be squeezed.

Demonstrating some of our latest eyewear gadgets to a young lady singer from Barbados.

And all because we can blend in. It's easy when you know how.

An Unbelievable optical illusion... kind of

Why?
How?
Because (believe it or not, younger readers) there was a time when certain styles were associated, and confined to, certain ethnic groups.
Well, guess what? Your beloved Unbelievables never subscribed to that ridiculous point of view. We are almost always guided and influenced by style and if something looks good, then it looks even better on us. Whether we're busting jive turkeys in an alley in Harlem, chasing the Yakuza on motorcycles through the streets of Tokyo or seducing military secrets from a contessa in Florence, we're going to dress the part and you know we're going to look sharp doing it, just because that's who we are. Whatever it takes to get the job done. It sounds simple, doesn't it? For us, it is. Not everybody can pull it off though.

This montage captures the essence of the Unbelievables like none other.

You see, for us, this is life, not a lifestyle. It's the difference between putting on some clothes...

Jackasses

And wearing them. You dig?

Badasses

This is the simplest explanation we can offer as to why our appearance seems to change in different photographs, based on what is happening in those photos.

The point of all this is, sometimes you might think we look like this...

While other times, it may appear to you that we look like this...

But we are always this...

I mean, each of us being a cool dude with at least two hot ladies, not that one of us is a cool dude and the other two are hot ladies. Maybe I should have found a better picture. Maybe Jeff can salvage this on Friday.

Unbelieva-Brother

Clark said of the above

"It's been mentioned before but sometimes we're black. Again, don't let it throw you."

Clark touched on The Unbelievables uncanny ability to appear black when the need arises. It's been a terrific boon for us over the years, aiding us in countless cases.

But it's a skill which hasn't come easy for us. In the beginning there was a lot of work involved ...

I'm not going to note who's who in this picture. It's pretty obvious all three of us

were in the delicate, formative stages of black alter egoness.

Here's an example of our "look" back in the day.

While the style was greatly improved, our "moves" needed improvement.

It takes time, effort and fortitude to master being black, especially when the need for undercover work comes calling. It's not a matter of concentrating on the role at that point. When you're in the thick of it, you can't worry about stepping into character convincingly. It's got to come naturally.

Jeff was the first of us to "get down with his bad self" ...

Through trial and error, we found Clark did his best work

when he was working with one of the ladies.

(Hello, Ladies!)

Over the years, however, we've been able to perfect every aspect of our characters.

It was just a matter of time (and practice) before we had all our ducks in a row ...

... and it wasn't long before we became masters of our craft.

So good, in fact, we once rented out our services as body doubles

for Max Julien, Richard Pryor and Roger Mosley.

Some of our many "exploits of color" are legendary. Jeff and Clark will regale you ...

 

Roller rescuers

It's kind of amazing how available we are to help people outside of our standard crime fighting duties. Even when it comes to recreational activities. There was the time Maureen McCormick (TV's Marsh Brady) casually mentioned that she wished she knew how to roller skate. All four of us (this was when Ralph was still around. R.I.P.) were only too happy to help.

"The ability to remain upright is a very important first step."

Due to the fact that we're experts at all things boogie-related, especially roller, Maureen and her two friends were skating like champions in mere minutes...

We sent Ralph out to fetch the paper. Or something. The last thing you need when you're on four wheels is a third wheel.

As is often the case with things like this, suddenly we were the go-to experts on roller skating techniques. Everything from the proper way to tie your skates whilst wearing hot pants...

Sure, I guess you could sit down and do it. But what's the point of that?

... to how to utilize your toe stops when your 'do needs fluffing.

"Take Me With U"

Of course, some took to it better than others.

The biggest star in the whole world, Cher (of course), had the clothes, the skates and the attitude, but still felt awkward for some strange reason. So all three of us got involved in helping to boost her confidence...

It's been mentioned before but sometimes we're black. Again, don't let it throw you.

She got better but for some reason, like some timid drivers, she only felt really comfortable with her headlights on...

It's Not Personal ... It's Business

Stories come and stories go. The good and the not so good, the celebrations and the defeats we'd rather sweep under the rug.

Jeff noted one of our more well known 80s success stories. There are others.

Of the "not so good" in our repertoire, the one of dubious definition has to be the fleeting popularity of Tiny Tim.

Tiny Tim was somewhat of a failure for us, mostly because he was his own worst enemy. Combative ... self-deprecating ... moody. We tried just about everything to help the guy out but each and every time, just when he warmed up to an idea and got on board with it, he'd shoot it down and go his own direction. It was a vicious cycle: He'd ask for help and in the next breath spurn any response we'd give him. 

It drove us a little crazy.

Of course, he went on to be successful in his own right, such that it was. We can't help reminisce, however, how much more the guy could have accomplished during his popularity. C'est la vie. There have been a few similar frustrations.

But one of the biggest success stories of an era gone by (courtesy of The Unbelievables golden touch machinations) has progressed in leaps and bounds. They've re-emerged from their previous successful 3 season run as animated gold from the MTV days of the 1980s (which was integral in and of itself launching their iconic status) and right on into the present day where a live-action film is currently in the works with stars such as Juliette Lewis and Molly Ringwald. 

Of course, I'm talking about Jem And The Holograms.

 

Hello, Molly ... !!!

Christy Marx (developer and writer of Jem) was a frequent player during my beach volleyball days in Southern California, friend and business associate. (But boy, could she play volleyball!) We struck up quite the friendship at the time. She would often chagrin about her writing stints with both G.I. Joe and Transformers, popular animated features at the time. She was tired of the predominately male-centric cartoons she was working on and really wanted to branch out creatively.

With 80s tunes blasting in the background during our games, a thought came to me. I suggested she look into something in the music field, especially since it's a touchstone of any generation. << BOOM >> Jem And The Holograms formed.

Now ... I don't want to brag but all three of The Unbelievables had their hands in contributing to the show. Rerun any episode in the series and you can see our touch everywhere - especially in the style department. We may be uncredited for our involvement (we insisted Christy take full responsibility of the property, that's just the way we are) but The Unbelievable stamp is featured prominently. (Big Fat Hint: How many videos were featured in each and every Jem And The Holograms episode? Answer: 3 ... which just so happens to be the number of original Unbelievables. You do the math ...)



Fast forward about 30 years and the time is perfectly suited for a feature film presentation. (Note: It was my idea to include an 80s crush of mine in the mix - Ringwald.) Wait until you see the final result soon. It's going to be great. 

There are a few more stories of note. I'm certain Clark will mention one or two come Friday ... (Here's hoping he doesn't go off on The Northern Shades Of Terror. *yeesh* ... what assholes ...)