Friday, May 3, 2013

Lending A Hand

Like my Unbelievable cohorts, I too believe that we are not just there to save the world on a daily basis - we are there to assist in the small matters too. The Westernised world is constantly being instructed not to sweat the small stuff - but seriously, sometimes the small stuff makes you sweat no matter how calm and unruffled you try to be. So whenever we see an individual in need of some small kindness, we step in and lend a hand.

Many of our female fans (Hello, ladies!) mention that old chestnut about men not putting the seat down when they're done in the little boys' room. We feel, however, that women should be reminded to leave the seat up so as not to inconvenience their menfolk when they are in a hurry, which happens more than we'd like it to, ladies, I am sorry to have to tell you. So for a while we had a cottage industry creating stylish toilet seat lids to act as reminders for the womenfolk.

Like so.
We also help people on the path to success. Remember the band ZZ Top? Well, this is what they used to look like:

L to R: Frank Beard, Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill, and the one they kicked out.

However, after seeing them perform to a crowd of five in a small tavern in Hico, TX, we felt we had to say something. We went to Billy Gibbons and said, "Look, we know you have talent. But you're never going to get anywhere with showtunes and Billy Joel covers. Go for hard rock boogie. And you need to slim down to a trio. You guys also have a distinct lack of facial hair. Grow some long beards, except the one of you that's named Beard. Oh, and spin your guitars. That'd be cool."

They followed our advice to the letter, and now they're legends.

Our friendly suggestions don't always meet with 100% approval, though, it has to be said. We suggested that airline staff wear hot pants and kinky boots (for comfort, you understand), but even though some airline execs were enthused, you never see in-flight staff wearing this kind of get-up today.

More's the pity. Woof!!

We also suggested that all bicycles should come equipped with a cute girl as standard, but this failed to take off.

We are also known as skilled cooks, and the enduring success of our Weenie burger loaf is a testament to that skill. What sort of shape would the culinary world be in were it not for this global favourite?

You are welcome, world.

Must dash - I'm off to the supermarket to help little old ladies reach things on high shelves.

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