Time Once Again For Top Tips!

Yes ... it's been a while. Too long of a while as a matter of fact. And that's why it's time for another edition of ...

Unbelievable
Top Tips!

Look: In today's turbulent times, sometimes action needs to be taken. Of course, discerning common sense rules overall. But there are those instances when immediate action takes presidence over seeing a wrong and frowning at it and actually acting upon it. Here are a few examples:

You're in a restaurant sitting next to someone who's talking loudly on their mobile phone. First, kindly ask them to cut the call short, that they're being rude and disruptive to the other patrons in the establishment, not the least of which is you. Use words like "please" and "thank you" to ease tensions. If that doesn't do the trick, simply extricate the phone from their ear and drop it into that glass of lemon water directly in front of them. More often than not this action will get their attention.

This rarely, if ever, fails ...

That customer behind you who doesn't know the meaning of personal space? This one's easy. Simply start taking baby steps backward until they get the message. Or flail your arms about with exaggerated flair as you speak. They'll catch the clue, believe me.

This works wonderfully when you're on an escalator going up.

There's always that one joker behind you in the drive thru line who feels the need to honk when you're snaking through your local fast food joint for a quick snack and two extra feet of space appears ahead of you. Who is this clown, a member of the Extra Space Patrol Brigade? To annoy him/her further, a good trick is to shut off your car engine, take the keys out of the ignition and exit the car. Sit on the grass beside your car and watch them throw a hissy fit. Better: Park yourself on a nearby bench, cross your legs and get comfortable while they hit the roof. Who doesn't like a grand show, after all?

Remember: You're in front of them. You command the control ...

Of course, these are simple solutions to situations of the minor annoyance variety. For bigger problems drastic measures need be taken.

That's when a convenient glass window comes in handy. Don't be afraid to toss the offending party right on through that pane of see-through justice. (Hint: Don't second guess yourself. All you need to do is access a situation and use common sense. If someone's being an asshole, take decisive action. They deserve it.)

Boom. Problem solved.

And don't worry - they'll be fine once they regain consciousness.

Want more Unbelievable Top Tips? Clark and Jeff are coming up later in the week. Stay tuned!

A Blob On The Landscape

Our search for RudeMan received a little boost this week after he apparently received our little note. Saturday morning we received a postcard with this picture on the front.

This was enough to make Michael spit out a chunk of Cabot Vermont Cheddar. (He says munching on it makes him feel smart. So there ya go.)

"Pp-p-pp-t-tt-tooey! Charlie Sheen? What th'...?"

"I'm guessing this is in response to Mr. Rogers," said Clark, guessing correctly.  

"Does it say anything on the reverse?" I enquired.

"Oh myyy," said Michael, flipping the card.

WARNING: What follows is probably NSFW, so we've censored it as much as possible without totally obscuring it.

"Wait just a second! Great Scott! Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle!" cried Clark. "I think this may be a clue!"

"Oh yeah, in what way?" I asked.

"Well, you should know, Jeff. It's something that happened in your homeland. I read about it on the wire last week!"

"Yeah?"

"This lady had graffiti spray painted on her outside wall that did not look too dissimilar to this one. Only in her case, there was a message accompanying it.

"What was the message?" Michael and I said.

"Wait, I'll pull it up on the screen. Ah, here it is."

Here's the link for you folks. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/vandals-spray-obscene-graffiti-womans-10135867

"Y'know, the phrase 'big black cook' may not be a misspelling. It's entirely possible it may be in code!"

We immediately set to with various methods of codebreaking, and after 15 minutes Michael figured out that it was an anagram of "GO KICK A BLOB,C?"

Could it be...

Surely not?

Unfortunately, Being Rude Isn't A Crime

Of course a trip to Qaqortoq, Greenland was in order. None of us had ever been ... and I would be willing to bet not a single one of our readers has been either, let alone heard of the place. 

Well, we looked around, asked the usual questions of the locals, did our due diligence ... and came up dry. You'll remember Clark pointed out RudeMan is "very good at disguising himself and travelling great distances" and we verified that right quick.

In fact, our research came up with zippo. Nothing. We didn't have a lead on the guy to save our lives. 

Then we got to thinking: What with Jeff noting RudeMan carries a pretty loyal contingent of followers who get off on carrying out various forms of rudeness - not to mention millions of others around the globe who do so naturally - it dawned on us we'd set ourselves an impossible task; not only was RudeMan true to his own nature, sneaky and virtually uncaptureable, his hordes would carry on his agenda even if was snagged.

Plus, the fact he hasn't - at least as far was we know - done anything illegal as of yet, it would be hard to pin anything on the cad.

So you see, there are things not even The Unbelievables can overcome, RudeMan being one of them.

That doesn't mean we won't keep our noses to the grindstone for this guy. In fact, on departure from Qaqortoq we left him a little note to get his goat. It looks a little something like this: