A Project Close To My Heart and Stomach

I'm sure if you haven't been living under a very large rock for the last few years you'll have noticed that people are very into diets. Every few weeks a new diet comes up that promises either boundless energy or rapid weight loss or both. Celebrities are very keen to slap their name on these fad diets, too.

There's Tom Hanks' No-Sugar diet, Harry Styles' Bulletproof diet, Elle McPherson's Super Elixir Diet and the ridiculous and disgusting "Kale and chewing gum" diet followed by Jake Gyllenhaal. Good grief!

Add to that the paleo diet, gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, fruitarian, etc. etc.,  it's all so confusing! Especially when you're hungry. I mean, who has time to figure out fat content and E-numbers when we need breakfast!?

So that's why I thought - why not cut through all the muddle and bring out my own diet - purely for altruistic purposes, you understand, and not to make a fast buck - and just to keep things simple, call it "Jeff's Unbelievable Whipped Potato Diet"! It'll soon be available in a handsome leather-bound set of ten volumes, a bargain at a mere $99.97 or twenty payments of $6.23 + sales tax.

Here are a few highlights.

The classic Whipped Potatoes with Roasted Garlic.

Potato Mounds for that rare occasion when there are leftovers.

Potato Pancakes...

Potato burgers...

Potato muffins...

Another classic, potato croquettes...

Mashed potato soup...

and you can even make a healthy potato smoothie served in a hollowed-out spud.

Now, just in case you were thinking, "Is it all potatoes, then?" let me put your mind at ease. No, it's not all potatoes. That would be silly!

No, there's a section in the back of the book titled Entertaining Unbelievable Style where I've plundered some of my favourite recipes from the true era of dinner parties, the 1970s. Examples? So glad you asked.

Cheez Whiz - an essential kitchen item.

Appetizing, no?

Velveeta adds fun to anything.

Need I say more?

Your guests will flock to the table.

Bananas are, I believe, a much underused kitchen ingredient.

So to clarify, it is mostly potatoes, with some unhealthy processed and deep-fried treats thrown in for good measure.


Michael and Clark have their own vanity projects they'd like to tell you about later in the week.

Back To Reality

You know, coming down from a marathon Virtual Reality session high is weird. It took a few hours to adjust to actual reality. There were a few jumpy moments when we were convinced we'd be set upon by old foes or zombies if we went to the bathroom, but we're OK now. What put us right, in the end, was being forcibly removed from the house by Kip on the promise of a slap-up breakfast.

So we five (including Ulf the Unbelievadog, natch) piled into the 'Vette and headed to one of our favourite breakfast joints - a greasy spoon by the name of Doozer McGoozer's on the northeast corner of Richard Simmons Blvd. and Alcopop Ave. in downtown Stiletto Flats.

We were immediately seated in our favourite booth and to begin the restorative process, Kip ordered multiple jugs of hot fresh coffee, which we slurped at maniacally while perusing the menu.

I say menu, but in fact there is no written menu. All one has to do is wet a finger, swab it on the table and have a taste, and you'll know what's been recently ordered. 

"Mmm", I said, "Crab omelette with avocado, home fries and a side order of sour cream and salsa. That sounds excellent. I'll have that, with wholemeal toast, if you would please, Doozer."

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and if you even want to stand a chance of coming anywhere close to being as Unbelievable as we Unbelievables are, you'd better make sure not to skip your brekky.  An overwhelming percentage of my favourite meals have been breakfasts. For example:

There was the time I needed a quick and easy breakfast while on a vital recon mission in Mukilteo, WA, so I popped into  The Stak-A-Takk and ordered their Spam Scramble. Oh yeah.

Then, while on a vital international recon mission in Kyoto I popped into Fuji's FryUps and ordered the Spam and egg sushi. Delish.

There I was in Tinseltown on a recon mission and feeling peckish, so I popped into Dynamo Dan's Cafe for the Spam-Steak Hero Baguette. Oh yeah.

There I was on a vital recon mission in the International District of Vancouver BC. I popped into Kooky's Korean Kitchen and ordered the Korean Spam Rice Bowl. Oh yeah.

You've heard of the whole umami thing, right? The combination, which would appear to be counter-intuitive, but is actually right on the money, of sweet things counterpointing salty ? Well, one time while on a recon mission in Llandudno, Wales, I popped into Blodwen's Blowouts where they serve Spam and Eggs Benedict with avocado on a cinnamon bun. Oh yeah.

  
So this prompted a conversation about our best breakfast ever, and the guys' answers, I think you'll find, are both surprising and intriguing. Challenging, even.

Find out more on Wednesday!