Count Me In!

Many apologies for the lateness of this report, but I was doing some last-minute packing. What? Yes, I'm definitely going, even if the others aren't. Here are my reasons.

1. I love parades, with their noisy vuvuzelas, endless drill teams and majorettes and token naked people.
2. I love free stuff. Who doesn't?
3. I love hotels. Especially the minibar with its great pricing structure. What's that ya say? $20 for a can of Pepsi? Don't mind if I do!
4. I love banquets, especially ones in my honour, as long as there are plenty of whipped potatoes to go round. It doesn't even have to be Tuesday, for Pete's sake!
5. I love to travel. I love sitting next to complete strangers on cramped airplanes making small talk about clouds and eating from miniature furnaces made from plastic. I love not knowing where to put that infuriating clingfilm, drinking from small cups and watching a movie I would gladly pay to avoid coming into contact with.
6. I love BBQ. Seriously, who doesn't love charred meat products slathered in brown sauce accompanied by masses of side dishes of indeterminate origin?

So what if we've never met these people before? So what if we know absolutely nothing about them? A quick Google search should sort that out...

Holy cow! Look at this place!

 Sign me up! What could possibly go wrong!?


(Note: this entry was a scheduled post, written before Jeff took off in a hurry to the airport. We are still waiting to hear from him. - Michael and Clark)

Parades are perfect

Yeah, Michael is right. There's definitely something fishy going on. We're not exactly sure who this Gene Joyner is...yet...but what he apparently doesn't know is that we do some of our best work during parades.
Think about it;

• Lots of people
• A serpentine route through the heart of a metropolitan area
• Floats!

An ideal opportunity to create mayhem. An even more ideal-er opportunity to thwart said mayhem.

Of course, step one is to outfit the Unbelievamobile in parade mode. Sure, it looks festive but the oil slicks, smoke bombs and wheel-mounted tire shredders remain completely functional, making it impossible for Shriners on tiny motor scooters to follow us.

It's amazing how many villains have the one great idea of making something evil and giant and how many of those villains think they're the first ones to think of unleashing them during a parade. Also amazing is how easily titanic monsters like this are defeated with a well-aimed lawn dart.

Giant monster, giant man. Whatever. Same concept, same end result: Us = one, bad guys = zero.

For whatever reason, Michael opted out of this one.

I don't know who is supposed to find a giant fish threatening, aside from smaller fish. Regardless, we got this.

Once stupid, mewling, infant jerk Henri Petit got involved by entering an enormous himself (left) in a parade, our patience with the concept was exhausted. Hence the deployment of UnbelievaGiant (right), which we used to punt the giant idiot into the Grand Canyon. 

Usually, our known presence at an event is enough to make people feel safe and comfortable. Such was the case with this Gay Pride parade in Chicago that went off without a hitch, because at that time,  unfortunately, gay people weren't allowed to marry each other. That wasn't our fault, though. We're only human. One battle against the forces of oppression at a time, folks.

No parade is too big or too small for us. We're always in attendance for Stiletto Flats' annual "Salute to Practical Municipal Service Vehicles Day" parade, which is a very brief affair.

I think you get the point. Whatever happens this weekend, we'll be ready. Isn't that right, Jeff?

We Love A Parade ... but ...

So ... this isn't fishy. 

Nope. 

Not in the least ...

Hey, Unbelievables!

We want to throw you a parade next weekend in your honor! Just for the heck of it! Because we really like you guys!

Think all three of you can make it to West Palm Beach, Florida to my personal botanical garden which houses the only rainforest in the United States? All you need to do is get to an airport and everything else will be taken care of on us: Transportation, food, accommodations, the works! You won't have anything to worry about!

Be here Friday night and if you're here early enough we'll take you out to dinner. Otherwise, your hotel will be waiting ... and we'll have separate rooms for all three of you.

Saturday? That's the big parade. It starts at noon so dress in your colorful best. It will run about an hour with a big BBQ at the tail end of it for you guys! And ... that night? It's party time!

Sunday - after you sleep in - we'll have a late morning send off before you head back.

I'm sure you guys can make it. If you have any questions, get in contact with me. Your plane tickets are coming via FedEx. You should have them sometime Monday afternoon.

See you then!

Gene Joyner
Gene Joyner's Unbelievable Acres Botanic Gardens

I passed the info along to Clark and Jeff so they can look into this further.

You never know what kind of parade may be being held "in our honor" ... if you know what I mean ...