The misinformed mastermind behind the Black Cat

We had to get moving quickly...

CLARK: All right. We're going to need a canoe. They're $38 so we're each going to have to cough up about $13.
JEFF: ...
MICHAEL: ...
CLARK: Okay, one of us only has to pay $12, but we can work that out later.
JEFF: I'm trying to figure out why you think we need a canoe.
MICHAEL: I'm trying to figure out why you think canoes only cost $38.
CLARK: Why would any canoe ever cost more than $38?
JEFF: There's no reason to think we need to take to the water...
MICHAEL: Because every canoe ever costs more than $38!
CLARK: You're out of your mind!
JEFF: .. and we have a boat.
MICHAEL: What do you know about canoes?
CLARK: I bought one! And guess how much it cost? $38!
JEFF: Actually, we have several boats.
MICHAEL: And where is this canoe of yours? I've never seen it.
CLARK: I don't have it anymore. It sunk the first time I took it out. But you see my point.

Right after this exchange, Jeff answered the doorbell (installing the doorbell at our secret hideout was another one of my ideas that Jeff and Michael didn't appreciate, but this story will illustrate, once again, why my ideas are brilliant) and found a man named Melvin Movovovin turning himself in. 

Mr. Melvin Movovovin

It seems he was one of those people mentioned by Jeff on Monday who was a friend of a friend who had actually been one of our Unbelieva-Fu® students. Having heard about it third-hand, he didn't realize it was something we owned the rights to, so he combined his love of cartooning with his beloved pet black cat (Miss Muffinmitts), thinking he could provide a public service and make a few bucks. 

Mrs. Myrna Movovovin (Melvin's Missus) holding Miss Muffinmitts

His connection to the Republican presidential candidates is that he works for all of them, functioning as their Kip the Mailboy. Being indistinguishable from each other, none of them noticed that they all employed the same man. As a result of having 12 jobs, he was making so much money that he'd forgotten about trying to get rich off his Black Cat inadvertent Unbelieva-Fu® rip-off until somebody saw this blog and tipped him off. He apologized profusely and we consider the matter closed, except Michael insists somehow that he won the canoe argument.

Also, Jeff wants you to know that we have some boats for sale.

The "Likely" Candidates

The most likely suspects were Helena Handbasket and Polly Gripp.

(Back in the day, I ... *ahem* ... "knew" them rather well. And trust me: They're two characters you do NOT want to get mixed up with for multiple reasons, your sanity being one of those reasons.)

But likely as the two were - logical considerations both - the facts we uncovered led to a much more heinous group of infiltrators.

Cads. Snake oil salesmen. Louts with ill intention. Scoundrels of such devious mind they were confident they could plot arrangements through secretive lackeys who would (supposedly) leave no paper trail as to who the real brains were in the operation.

Fortunately, The Unbelievables are far smarter than your average miscreant wishing to capitalize on our good names and our even better methodologies.

After sifting through many of the obvious appellants (and hearing, once again, Clark's delusions of grandeur concerning Marianne, the Girl-In-A-Box for the umpteenth time and how he could have been really good for her and turned her from a life of crime) the logical conclusion came to us while we were taking a break watching television last week.

The answer was right there on the screen, these guys:

Yep, you got it. A goodly chunk of the current Republican candidates vying for POTUS.

Damn! What a devious lot! Utilizing a strong feminine figure like The Black Cat to falsely empower other women - brilliant! Especially when everyone and his brother knows full well Republicans despise women and womens' rights! What tricksters! And hiding in plain sight and on a public forum! How cunning!

But ... was it one of them? All of them? Just a select few? None of the candidates were ever enrolled in any of The Unbelievables' Unbelieva-Fu® seminars; we would have recognized them at the drop of a smile. They had to have infiltrated our ranks using a foil. How did they do it?

We may have caught them red-handed but, as politicians, they were collectively able to talk their way their way out of any blame. (It's what politicians do, first and foremost.) Still, there were questions to be answered.

Clark provides the conclusion to the tale Friday ...