The "Likely" Candidates

The most likely suspects were Helena Handbasket and Polly Gripp.

(Back in the day, I ... *ahem* ... "knew" them rather well. And trust me: They're two characters you do NOT want to get mixed up with for multiple reasons, your sanity being one of those reasons.)

But likely as the two were - logical considerations both - the facts we uncovered led to a much more heinous group of infiltrators.

Cads. Snake oil salesmen. Louts with ill intention. Scoundrels of such devious mind they were confident they could plot arrangements through secretive lackeys who would (supposedly) leave no paper trail as to who the real brains were in the operation.

Fortunately, The Unbelievables are far smarter than your average miscreant wishing to capitalize on our good names and our even better methodologies.

After sifting through many of the obvious appellants (and hearing, once again, Clark's delusions of grandeur concerning Marianne, the Girl-In-A-Box for the umpteenth time and how he could have been really good for her and turned her from a life of crime) the logical conclusion came to us while we were taking a break watching television last week.

The answer was right there on the screen, these guys:

Yep, you got it. A goodly chunk of the current Republican candidates vying for POTUS.

Damn! What a devious lot! Utilizing a strong feminine figure like The Black Cat to falsely empower other women - brilliant! Especially when everyone and his brother knows full well Republicans despise women and womens' rights! What tricksters! And hiding in plain sight and on a public forum! How cunning!

But ... was it one of them? All of them? Just a select few? None of the candidates were ever enrolled in any of The Unbelievables' Unbelieva-Fu® seminars; we would have recognized them at the drop of a smile. They had to have infiltrated our ranks using a foil. How did they do it?

We may have caught them red-handed but, as politicians, they were collectively able to talk their way their way out of any blame. (It's what politicians do, first and foremost.) Still, there were questions to be answered.

Clark provides the conclusion to the tale Friday ...

Copyright Vs. Copywrong

Naturally, when you are as adept at kicking butt as we Unbelievable types are, people are going to be envious. We have given Unbelievinars® on self-defence for women, using elements of Unbelieva-Fu® combined with Zumba, Salsa and a little Lindy Hop for a well-rounded, complete yet accessible method of ass-kicking. Attendees of these Unbelievinars® have to sign a waiver before taking part in the class to ensure they will not give away any part of what they've learned nor try to profit from it in any way. I mean, we have to protect the public. Unbelieva-Fu® is strong stuff. Even a little knowledge of its secrets can be too much for a regular Joe to handle. 

Michael gives Stevie Nicks a little personal tuition.

But, people are people, and we are well aware of how difficult it can be to keep schtumm about something as awe-inspiring as Unbelieva-Fu®. Some people can barely contain this knowledge. They just have to tell someone.

And as long as it goes no further, as long as it's just an innocent slip, there's usually no problem.

But when somebody tries to make money off of this knowledge, to re-sell our secrets, well then THAT MAKES US SEE RED.

So when this appeared one day...

our blood boiled. All that baloney about Jiu-Jitsu and Judo was just so much hot air. At least 10% of what you see above is Unbelieva-Fu®, pure and simple. (We're not telling which 10%, though - we ain't stupid.) 

We had to try to find this Black Cat person, and quickly. Trouble is, even though we kept scrupulous records of previous attendees of our Unbelievinars®, not one of them answered to the name Black Cat. Obviously a disguise of some sort.

We had some ideas of possible previous pupils, but had no easy time of it in tracking them down. 

Could it be Hotlegs O'Hooligan, the pride of old Peabody, Mass.?

Marianne, the Girl-In-A-Box?

or Helena Handbasket and Polly Gripp, two notorious brawlin' burlesquers?

Come back on Wednesday for further info.