The Whole Thing Was Choc Fulla Nuts

... from Wednesday ...

"Isn't it obvious? He's planning to corner the nut market, in order to put the squeeze on the chocolate biz. And he's probably going to destroy huge nut crops in order to do so!"

Of course this made sense right off the bat. All the obvious, tell-tale signs were there: Devious ne'er-do-well leanings, delusions of grandeur, a power play aimed at disrupting the normal course of events. Yep ... it sure sounded like the M.O. of Henri Petit.

But I confessed: "I was just winging it, guys. I don't have a bead on who it is behind this plot. We just haven't had any rows with the little twit of late and I was ... you know, wishful thinking it was Petit, y'unnerstan' ..."

Regardless, we had work to do. And we couldn't let down our friend Guinney nor see his successful business run out of profitability, nuts or popularity.

So, it was back to the states with us to determine if this was a real threat or someone with a desire to yank Guinney's chain.

The first order of business was to see if Petit was really behind this nefarious plot or if it was someone else. We didn't have any concrete evidence it was actually Petit - no video from Guinney's shop, nothing. Just our friend's word. But it sure sounded like something that imp Petit would involve himself with.

Doing some digging about nuts (California being one of the largest producers of almonds, pistachios and walnuts, all perfect in chocolates) and the like, I stumbled on this video:



A light when on after the first two and a half minutes. It smacked of jealousy and underhandedness to me. I postulated a theory that it wasn't Petit at all and there wasn't any pending nut crisis in the least in the future. 
Because it was obvious: Jimmy Fallon - and his abundant jealousy of Guinney Pepper's success - was the culprit here. And, to all three of us, that was just nuts.
We paid a visit to Fallon's studio the next day for "a little chat." (The details of that chat aren't important. Let's just say he saw clear to steer away from any shenanigans involving Guinney, his business and nuts in general. He even admitted he was the one who threatened Guinney at his shop posing as "the very tall man in a trench coat." And, yes, he midget on his shoulders who did all the talking who was an avid smoker.)
In the grand scheme of things, it was a pretty easy case to solve. Guinney was relieved to discover it was all a hoax when we broke the news to him.
Later, Clark asked: "Wait ... so ... we don't get to rough up Petit? You know, throw him screaming through a plate glass window from 15 stories up somewhere?"
Jeff and I consoled him with some of Guinney's superb chocolate creations we'd picked up while in Switzerland ...

Drop those nuts!

Guinney spilled some of his work on his shirt

"Tune in later this week for the next part later this week! For, like, the next part!" - Jeff, earlier today

We wailed and skanked our way back to Guinney's shop. Once there, I did my best to focus on the matter at hand - impending evil ploy perpetrated by the mini-menace Henri Petit - and not sample even more of Guinney's wares. Here's what he said:

"My nuts are in trouble!"

When asked to elaborate he said, "No self-respecting chocolatier can possibly hope to have a line of treats without offering nuts and almonds and pecans and etcetera." To which I replied, "Duh."

"Well, the other day", he continued, "a very tall man in a trench coat and wearing a hat came in here and threatened me, saying 'Enjoy your nuts while you have them, because they're not long for this world'. Then he laughed in a sinister manner and transitioned into a nasty smoker's cough."

"Tall man, eh?", Jeff queried. "That lets out Petit." "Yes, but as he turned to leave, he was very unsteady", Guinney said. "I think it was a small person on a regular-sized person's shoulders." We all looked at each other and shared the same thought: "Henri Petit would totally try to pull a stunt like that!"

"But to what end?", Guinney asked. Michael said, "Isn't it obvious? He's planning to corner the nut market, in order to put the squeeze on the chocolate biz. And he's probably going to destroy huge nut crops in order to do so!"

We've got to save those nuts.

Choc Full Of Nutty Happenings

Naturally, we stayed on in Switzerland for a few days after we'd inadvertently done Dr. Oldschool's D.I.Y. for him, wishing him the best of luck in his microbrewery venture.

It just seemed appropriate. We love Switzerland anyways. I love clocks, Michael loves pantsless snow activities and Clark, well...

Clark loves chocolate. Especially the handmade Swiss kind. Clark is as happy in Switzerland as a pig in muck. We just let him loose in downtown Geneva and said, "take your time, buddy."

But it was on Sunday when Michael and I were in the hotel that things took a turn.

Michael had heard about the Large Hadron Collider and wanted to know more about it. I was trying to explain the science of accelerated particles and it was clear I was not breaking through. Michael's a great guy, very smart, you understand, but sometimes it's like he's wearing glasses made from pure snot while trying to critique an oil painting. It wasn't until he'd made some sexual reference, giggling like a schoolboy, that I realized why I wasn't making any headway.

"No, no," I said. "Large Hadron. HADRON, H-A-D-R-O-N, not H-A-R--"

Suddenly the door burst open and in waddled a clearly chocolate-engorged Clark, near enough bouncing off the walls.

"Guys, guys! You will never believe it!"

"What, that you have eaten your own weight in chocolate?" I said cynically.

"Like you didn't buy fifteen cuckoo clocks?" retorted Michael.

"OK, OK, so I like them," I replied, and then, returning to Clark, I I asked what was up.

"You will never believe who's opened a chocolate shop here! You'll never guess. When I tell you, you're gonna flip your flippin' lid!"

We stared at Clark for what seemed like an age.

"Guinney Pepper!"

"--"

"Yes, the Guinney Pepper! You know, of Lick The Chalice fame!"

The penny dropped.

We're all big fans of reggae superstar Guinney Pepper. On fishing trips and long car journeys, he's practically all we listen to.




He's also one of our international network of moles and informants from the world of celebrity.

"What!? What is he doing in bloomin' Switzerland?" I asked.

"Well, not only does he love chocolate and timepieces, he's onto something big! He thinks it's something to do with - (ahem) - Petit!"

"Good gravy!" cried Michael. "I thought after last time, that little dingbat troll monkey would have hung up his pipe for good!"

"We need to get down to the shop where he's having his grand opening and see what he knows. There's no time to waste!"

We sped off, pronto.

Tune in later this week for the next part later this week! For, like, the next part!