(Not So Much Of A) Surprise! It Wasn't Barry At All (or ... Bear Vexed, Chapter III)

Yep ... as it turned out, Bear Vexed and his cronies

turned out to be a load of crap.

It took some brainiac work, but I finally figured it out.

Well ... honestly, it was Jeff and Clark who led me to that "lightbulb" moment.

It was Jeff who got the ball rolling with his mention of Barry ... or superhero "Bear Vexed" as he prefers. His "buddies" were the keys to the whole shebang. Take note:

• Bear Lee There: Anagram for "BLT" ... one of the world's most delectable toasted sandwiches.
• Prime NumBear: Another anagram, this one with a bit of a twist - it really should read "Prime num BeaR" or "PBR". Yes ... PBR as in "Pabst Blue Ribbon" ... the beer. (Trust me: That stuff will make you numb.)

What do they have in common? Food and drink. Now ... hold that thought for just a minute ...

Then, it was Clark who further guided said rolling ball to that freakin' little French twit Henri Petit.

Back the food and drink ...

Where could one partake of a delicious BLT and a satisfying brew?*

At none other then that little rat bastard Petit's place. Sammiches and brewskis were the featured "refreshments" for last week's cleverly disguised Super Bowl party. He's a wily one, that Petit.

Of course he'd say "there's plenty of food" when we "unexpectedly" stopped by to question him because he knew without doubt he'd be getting a visit from us. His "since you guys are here" ad hoc invitation to join his Super Bowl shindig was nothing but a ruse, a plain-as-day cover in the vein of keeping your friends close and your enemies (us) closer.

And is there anything closer than keeping an eye on your foes (again, us ... international crime fighting playboys) then having them join in on the festivities? That little shit Petit is good, let me tell you. Real good ...

How good is he? This is how good:

Petit knew Honey Boo Boo (Jeff's nemesis and personal thorn in his side) pegged all her "bears" (many of which - as noted previously - aren't bears at all) "Teddy With for Sleepin'." And that, good people, is nothing but a cleverly way of stating "TWS" is nothing but a dream. A dream of Petit's to pin the tail on Barry and his buddies to become part of the Unbelievable team and use the unsuspecting Teddy as a pawn to infiltrate our super secret (but easily locate-able via an everyday Google search) Unbelieva-Base headquarters.

What a cad that Petit is! What a maroon! What an ignoramanous! It just goes to show you: You have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on The Unbelievables.

In the end, there was nothing we could do to the gravity-challenged baby-faced twerp ... because no crime was actually committed.

But we're well aware of Petit's modus operandi. In no time at all you can be certain Petit will plunge his filthy little paws into somebody's unsuspecting pie. Count on it.

P.S. You might be wondering what the "nothing could have prepared us for what happened next" hint-hint Clark intimated in Wednesday's post ... right?

Well ... heheheheheh ...

That was nothing more than Clark building up the suspense and keeping things lively ...

... but then again: Here comes Valentine's Day! You just never know what can happen leading up to that magical "jour de l'amour". Stay tuned ...


* I personally wouldn't call PBR a satisfying quaff. It's the furthest thing from it.

 

Bear Vexed

One thing that happens to us Unbelievables quite a lot is when people confuse us - International Crimefighting playboys - with Superheroes. Well, sure, I guess it's an easy mistake to make - we are pretty darn cool, and our skills at defeating bad guys are unmatched, but don a cape, mask, tights and undies on the outside? Not our scene, folks. 

But for some people, the distinction between the two things gets a little blurry. So if one of our wannabe Unbelievables (and there are many, let's face it - who wouldn't want to join our hallowed ranks?) pops up at our gaff one day dressed in the silky spandex suit with the flowing cape, so what? We've seen it before. But say a teddy bear turns up attired the same way - that might be enough to make us stop and scratch our heads.

He said his name was Barry, but preferred to go under his superhero name Bear Vexed. What could we do for him, he asked. Make him a realistic offer, he said. He wanted to join, and become an Unbelievable. Sadly, we said, we stopped the recruitment business long ago, for reasons which we have explained in these pages not so long ago.

He showed us his skills. Tae kwon Do. Su Do Ku. Tae Bo. Hai Karate.

We had to admit, for a teddy that was pretty impressive.

He showed us the armoury tucked away in his utility belt.

Mmm, not bad. Particularly the TRS-80.

But ultimately, we said no. Three's company, we said. The boiling pot and all that. Too many cooks. You know the drill.

So off he stomped, in a huff. "Forget you guys," he snapped. "I'm gonna form my own crimefighting trio. And I'm gonna call it ---



The UnBearLievables..."

Well, he did just that. He got two of his buddies to join.

Bear Lee There.

Prime NumBear.

And they've been popping up annoyingly ever since. At least until last week.

I'll leave it to Clark and Michael to explain how we took the UnBearLievables out of circulation. Till then... ciao!

By the way... we never did figure out what T, W and S stood for.