Highly Trained Professionals

Oh, how we hate trains.

Don't get me wrong, we used to love trains, back when train travel used to look like this...

Sumptuous food, panoramic vistas, and crew cuts...

A lounge car that was akin to a gentlemen's club (no, not that kind of gentlemen's club, get your mind out of the gutter please)

and women who would pine for us after we got off the train.

We have been called to a top-secret meeting in a far-flung yet totally tip top secret location. Because of the current situation in the world re: flying, we thought it best that we travelled to our totally tippety toppety secret meeting in an equally undisclosable location by the old chemin de fer, the choo-choo, the locomotive.

The only problem is, we don't usually travel by train because the last few times we did, it was more like this...

On a ski trip to Alaska we were unlucky enough to find ourselves sharing a compartment with Red McSkeeterson and his Hootenanny Seven. Eesh. That was a long journey.

On a quest to find the world's finest Lamb Dhansak we got trapped on a board a Pakistani "cricket special".

and on a trip to the Orient to battle the Triads, the Korean Mafia and a plague of Iron Chefs, we had to rough it with a bunch of people who were feeling the effects of the slightly dodgy Imperial Shrimp.

So as you can understand, we are not looking forward to boarding that train tomorrow.

And what, I hear you cry, is the purpose of our top secret meeting in an undisclosed locale?

Truth be told, we don't even know ourselves. But the guys will tell you what they can on Wednesday and Friday. I cannot wait -the suspense is killing me!