Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Location, Location, Location

As Clark mentioned on Monday, we are being allowed some limited input on the production of the movie version of the cancelled-because-it-was-awful TV show The Unreliables, which was a thinly veiled parody of us. I mean, check out this morsel of dialogue:

MARK: I sure do love being a wheelman, and my studly AMC Gremlin is sure to attract the girls.

GEOFF: Shut up, Mark! Just because you passed your driver's test first time, you have to go on and on about your skills. I can drive too, ya know!

MICKEY: Yeah, me too. I learned from my Mamaw's neighbour Uncle Pete. Well, we called him Uncle, but he was just a neighbour really. He didn't really go home that much though, just spent a lot of time at our house, with Mamaw, redecorating the basement. Never did get it finished.

MARK: Gaw, Mickey, you never know when to stop sharing little anecdotes from your weird upbringing, do you?

MICKEY: Shut up, man!

MARK: You shut up.

MICKEY: Naw, you shut up!

....etc. Now what I have been given to do in this little, ahem, "project" is location development. Which means, essentially, that the production team pick locations for various shots, run them by me to ensure accuracy and then they go with something completely different, because frankly, they're assholes and I am only in it for the money. I'm certainly not in it for the fame, recognition or kudos, because there is absolutely none of that. But let me go ahead and give you a couple of prime examples of what I'm talking about.

I said once let's do a scene in the parking lot of either a Pizza Hut...

 or a Pizza King...

 so they went with a Wienerschnitzel. Not even in the same ballpark, guys!

Then there was a bank scene. I said we need to do it at a Great Western or a BB&T, something like these...

So what did they end up going with? 

Friendly's in Myrtle Beach. I mean, come on!

Then we needed to do a scene in a laundromat. Here are the two choices I picked...

Both ideal spots, I thought. What ended up in the film?

La Parrilla in Oakwood, GA. Nice food. I have eaten here.
And so I sensed a pattern emerging here. On the next scene they gave me, I didn't even look at the script, I knew it was going to end up being a restaurant. So here's what I suggested.

And they went with...?

It's a living, I guess.

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