Friday, April 25, 2014

UnbelievaLand: Interrupted

Discussion is crucial to the developmental process. You can't just casually toss an idea out there in the wind and VOILA! ... it's perfect.

Rigorous testing must be put to task. Thorough R&D is crucial. The pros and cons of an idea - any idea - need to be weighed. 

Will the idea actually work? Will there be any consequences? Could anything go wrong? Are seatbelts really necessary? Does it have to smell like ham? Could its use be grounds for termination or be considered detrimental to future employment considerations? How about accessibility for the handicapped? Could there be any detrimental or adverse reactions in the 15 to 30 minutes after it's utilization? You know ... stuff like weird side effects, sudden seizures, death and the like? Is it age appropriate?

These are just a few of the many questions we considered while putting UnbelievaLand together.

Given Clark has been all "Gung ho! Let's go!" about our latest venture - and the main instigator in whipping Jeff into a frenzy, getting him to come on board toot sweet in the process - I'll simply say thank goodness there's that much needed rational in our little trio. A "voice of reason" so to speak.

And that voice of reason? You got it, yours truly: Me. Michael. (It's not that I'm trying to be the Debbie Downer of the group ... but someone has to keep his head out of the clouds and look at things with a discerning eye.)

Usually when one of us comes up with something (or even when we do things collectively) it naturally falls on Clark, Jeff or myself to step back and analyze what we've dreamed up, give it an unbiased, third-party look to see if things are on the up and up. I mean, believe it or not, not everything we come up with is "consumer ready" and instantaneously good to go, you know. Some things take a little tweaking before they can be offered for public consumption.

And such is the case with our little brainchild

Let's take a look ...

While there isn't a single thing wrong with our sign ...


... using it for same for UnbelievaLand could be a little confusing. You've seen our Unbelieva-Base sign ... right


See what I mean? They're virtually identical. But that's okay. We printed up some nifty flyers defining both locales. It says:

"If you're looking for UnbelievaLand, please turn around and go back out the door you came in, turn left and head north about 10 minutes. You'll get to a similar "Charm Cleaners" sign that looks just like the one at this location. When you get there, we're sure you'll feel your excitement building.

Congratulations! You've reached UnbelievaLand!"

Brilliant! Because folks wishing to patronize UnbelievaLand will understand immediately they were simply at the wrong place to begin with.

Our foes, however, will be hopelessly lost, won't realize they're at our actual Unbelieva-Base and will attempt entry thinking we're trying to pull a fast one on them. The beauty of that is the fact we have our Unbelieva-Base lobby littered with foils which will get their goats. We're tricky that way.

But that was the least of our worries. Our R&D forced us to nix a few things we can tell you about here.

Such as our boffo Superhero Showcase Show Of Shows:

Sorry Jasmine, Sig and Alpert (left to right)

Little did we know DC Comics would be so stringent about their properties. We really did have a nifty song and dance extravaganza put together for everyone who came to UnbelievaLand to enjoy, but The Powers That Be got wind of it somehow and put the KY-bosh on the production. (Here's hoping central casting will find something for the players we originally hired post haste. Good luck on future gigs, guys!)

Then there was Horrorland ...

The criminal element doesn't like to talk about this place.

We meant for this to be an educational attraction, both exciting and information on why criminal "activity" is a bad thing. But once the legal department representing our arch enemies found out we wanted to enlighten what their "bad guy ways" were all about, it opened the floodgates of all sorts of cease and desist orders. (Stupid bad guy lawyers ... stupid legal process ...)

Speaking of stupid legal stuff ...

Come on ... what's not to like ... ?!? 
Then there was the free copy of the Alka-Seltzer Song Book pegged to be given out with every sale of peanut, popcorn, candied apple, frozen banana and Churro. (And! We'd already gotten the blessing of the Alka-Seltzer people to do so!) Blame those gluten-free Bozos for tossing water on that dream. (It would have made a terrific souvenir ...)

Bet you didn't know singing helps relieve a tummy ache, too ...

These are just a few of the little niggling things we've had to deal with prior to cutting the ribbon and letting the masses in on the wonders that will eventually be UnbelievaLand. But, for the time being, that inaugural shindig is on temporary hold.

That's okay, though. Remember: We're The Unbelievables

Stuff like this has a way of working itself out. So don't worry ... we're on it. (Plus, you know, we have Jeff testing out the rides for safety and stuff. Doesn't that make you feel good?)

In the meantime? You can always don a pair of Kickin' Jeans (The Unbelievables endorse those, you know) and pretend you're strolling through our soon-to-be opened Camisole Heights get-away.

Go on ... close your eyes and keep dreaming ... it's almost as if you're right there, about to step off the Unbelieva-Tram, care-free, wind-blown hair swooshed from your face at the just-concluded 85 mph ride, ready enter through the front gates of UnbelievaLand ...

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