Really ... It's A Super Power

I don't know what kind of 3rd-rate miniature golf establishments some of those "Why don't you really commit to the concept and develop super abilities, wear super costumes, have super secret identities and fight super battles" yahoos are employed by but, by my reckoning, each and every one of The Unbelievables has a real super power. Real ... not made up, internally-fabricated, "if wishes were fishes" super powers. At least I do.

I riff a lot about not wearing pants. But, believe me, it's not just a whim ... a preference ... a way of life. It's a genuine, life-saving, crime-fighting ability you have to be comfortable with in order to implement in public. A genuine, persuasive power.

And I've got it down, folks.

Batman? Nope.

The Avengers? Overbearing.

The X-Men? Who needs'em?

Caught in a precarious situation, sometimes life or death, let me tell you: All you need do is drop your pants then watch criminal element flee, as fast and as far away as possible. No ne'er-do-well would be caught dead in my trouserless presence.

And let me tell you: It takes steely resolve in to stand there in such a manner for all to see.

Yeah. We can fly. Our garb is already spectacular. And we're proud of our identities, no need for secrecy.

But pantslessness? Well ... it ain't my Kryptonite, Bubba.

It's just plain up super.

*drops mike, walks off stage*

The Unbelievables: A step beyond

Here's something people say to us all the time:

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. You guys are heroes. But why aren't you super heroes? Why don't you really commit to the concept and develop super abilities, wear super costumes, have super secret identities and fight super battles. Super heroes are very in right now, or have you not noticed Batman, The Avengers and the X-Men? Something to think about."

Well, first of all, it's odd that different people use this exact same phrasing when they pose this query.
Secondly, why don't you stop over-using the word "super"? Something for you to think about.
Thirdly, we already have it all covered.
We can fly...

Standard issue UnbelievaJetPack

What we wear certainly qualifies as "super"...

Who needs costumes when you have clothes?

And it's a little late for secret identities, don't you think?

Ahem.

But if we were to be "super heroes", I'd be Captain Unbelievable. And my personal style preference would be to opt for a "classic" look with bright, primary colors, boots with cuffs and actual wings on the side of my head, not some murky, oily looking Under Armour ensemble with wings painted on the side of a helmet. No, I'd go for something like this...

Also, I'd be able to turn invisible.

I'm sure my colleagues have their own opinions on this matter, which they will share with you later this week.

We'd Do Just About Anything ... But We Won't Do That ...

The following took place a few months ago ...

*ring, ring*

Jeff answered the Unbelieva-Phone.

"Hello? Yes? Yeah? Well ... hold on a moment. That's not my department. Michael's the one you want to talk to ... hold on a moment ..."

I heard my name yelled out.

"What?"

"There's a Standish Coffee on the phone, says he's from San Diego Comic-Con. Pick up, will you?"

"What does he want? I was just about to go out for volleyball practice with a few Unbelieva-Babes ..." I told him.

"No clue. I told him you would handle it."

Hrmphing at the interruption (hey ... you get interrupted en route to a little volleyball practice with the Unbelieva-Babes and see if you don't get tiffed) but somewhat interested at who it was, I picked up the phone. "Hello ... this is Michael ..."

"Michael? Of The Unbelievables? Great. This is Standish Coffee, marketing head of Comic-Con International. I want to extend an invitation to you and your comrades to come down to San Diego next month to do a panel at San Diego Comic-Con. We'll pay for all expenses - travel, lodging, meals. Your panel will be up to you, you can talk about whatever you want for an hour. We'll even schedule you in Ballroom 20, one of the best venues. Thousands will attend. You can do a Q&A, show video, we can arrange an autograph session, whatever you want. Having you guys here will be a thrill. What do you say?"

Clark had overheard Jeff mention Comic-Con and both had congregated around me to try to pick up on what was going on.

"Thanks for the call. We're not interested, though. We appreciated you guys thinking of us. That lodging and travel freebie is mighty tempting. Maybe we can plan for next year if we can have something that jives with what Comic-Con is and does. Later." I hung up.

"Was that Comic-Con? Did I hear right?!? I've never been! I want to go!" Clark said excitedly. "Get back on the phone and tell that guy we'll be there!"

"Clark ... listen to me: Comic-Con is about comics, comic characters, comic books, comic art. We don't have anything to do with any of that ..."

"Are you insane?!? Hollywood has been attending for years! Promoting new TV shows! Debuting movie trailers! Offering stars the chance to show their adoring fans they appreciate them! Don't we want to do that!?!"

"No, we don't. We're not performing monkeys. We don't have a comic book ..." (I jotted a note in a notebook about putting an Unbelievables comic together) "... and we don't need them. Our fans know where we are and they get hold of us whenever they want."

"He's got a point, Clark ..." Jeff muttered. "I mean ... I'd like to go but Michael's right: We'd be swamped if we went. And we don't have any real reason to be there other than as fans. Still ..."

"... but ..." Clark stammered "... Comic-Con! All expenses paid, yes?! Free! Stinkin'! Tickets! To! Comic-Con ... !!! Chicks in superhero costumes!"

So ... now? Clark might have a point ...

"Let's not lose sight of who we are and what we do here, guys. Let's not get caught up in the glamor of it all. I mean ... what can Comic-Con offer that we don't already enjoy or do? We do have the Unbelieva-Babes, remember ..."

The guys reluctantly understood and nodded knowingly.

You see ... The Unbelievables, while we might have carefree and seemingly wild lifestyles and adventures, have an image to maintain. And pandering to the masses is not that image.

This, kicking our enemies out multi-story tower windows however, is:

Jeff and Clark will provide a few other examples when we turned down situations. Or ... they may not ...