Unbelieva-chillax-a-haiku

Clark told you all on Monday about his way of relaxing - meditation and haiku. Fair enough. I like poetry. But I find the best way to take my mind off the stresses and strains of being part of an amazing triumvirate - that is, being an Unbelievable -

is to combine the meditating and the haiku-writing with some other relaxing pursuits, or even to write about the relaxing pursuits while doing the relaxing pursuits (with me so far? Good.).

So, what do I find relaxing? So glad you asked. Below are some examples of my craft - poems written while engaged in one or more of the relaxing pursuits I mentioned before. (Confused? Don't be. It will all become self-explanatory.)

1 - BOOZE

To be Frank Gifford

So effortlessly stylish

Dry Sack On The Rocks

Charlie Brown's hero

Water, Barley malt, Rice, Hops, Yeast

Taste IS why you'll switch

2 - MASSAGE

Dude, I think you should

Climb on top of my shoulders

Wearing a towel.

Foxy lady on

A big leather couch, listen

While I knead your spine.

Ultrasonic thing

Invented by Japanese

Water massager.

The Vita Master

Lots of rollers go around

And rub my sore back.

3 - COCKTAILS

(Ok, I know that's still technically booze, but I got a load of these.)

Lemon juice, white rum

Passion fruit juice, add crushed ice

Sugar syrup. Drink.

How I miss those days

When your local liquor store

Carried Black & White.

4- LONG HOT BATHS

Oh, to drift away

In glowing pink hot water

A big wet disco.

5 - ANIMALS

More like animals

Is what we should strive to be

They know how to chill

6 - LADIES (HELLO, LADIES!!)

Pretty young woman

With two cases of Molson

Prithee, come hither

7 - ICE CREAM

I'd like to consume

Many bars of delicious

Korean ice cream.

8 - FUNKY FURNITURE

Michael's room is filled

With weird chairs and strange sofas

They're really comfy.

9 - WATER

Splashing around in

A giant fountain is fun

When I'm in London.

Hope you enjoyed my poetic efforts. Let's see how Michael fares on Friday.

It's Party Time: An Unbelievaku

The haiku.
No other form of poetry requires so much discipline, yet allows for so much freedom of expression. Of course, the Unbelieva-ku requires seven times more discipline and results in seven times more fantastic-ness.
Here's one about our social gatherings...

Party time again

at the Unbelieva-base.

I can't wait! Such fun!

Jeff is mixing drinks,

Clark's serving appetizers,

Michael has no pants.

Coats lay on a bed.

Jaccuzzi bubbles away.

Keys are in a bowl.

Shag carpeting makes

static electricity.

Shocks await us all!

This DJ's music

is the best there could be. Hey!

Eric Clapton's here!!

What could be more fun?

Dance and drink and eat and sex

Oops. Wait a minute

Something is missing

Don't know what... the doorbell rings

Well, hello ladies!

Holiday Haiku

One thing that is not widely known about the Unbelievables is that we are skilled poets. Yes, 'tis true. It all started when we were learning martial arts and developing our own style - Unbelieva-Fu - and practising our own meditation techniques - Unbelieva-Zen. We became quite proficient in haiku and after a time we developed our own form of the art (we are very fond of taking things and developing our own version of it, aren't we?). We called our version of haiku Unbelieva-ku, and instead of the traditional 5-7-5 format (five syllables in the first line, seven syllables in the second line and five in the third), ours consists of seven stanzas of 5-7-5 haikus. Here is one I wrote earlier.

the unbelievables

michael jeff and clark
they have solved some major crimes
unbelievables

got to the bottom
of the muffin man's mischief
turns out he's half-baked

the shenanigans
of little debbie and co.
they got it sorted

sam snow, beyonce
henri petit, dumb baby
klumpmasterflash twins

all of the above
and so many other fools
they brought them to book

holiday season
seems incomplete without them
raise a glass or two

unbelievables
ever vigilant, watching
evil for to quash.

you're welcome.