Gone Beautiful

"While we're triple-checking the veracity of the information we've received thus far, all indications point to the three being none other than Stiletto Flats very own resident international crime fighters ... The Unbelievables ..." - Monday's episode

What?? No!!! This boundless and baseless accusation is preposterous and insulting on a number of levels.

1) We're not bad guys. Duh. That's pretty much exactly what we are not and what we are the opposite of.

"Good" = Us

2) Why in the world would we steal jewelry, of all things?

When we already have such sweet bling-age of our own?

3) These are nothing but dudes in wigs!

Let me be clear about something. Do we, The Unbelievables, sometimes dress as women? Of course we do. We're masters of disguise! It's a necessary thing for infiltrating criminal organizations, as well as nice form of relaxation. But when we do it, we take it seriously. We don't just slap on a wig, some sunglasses and some yoga gear and say, "look at us, we're girls!" 

• In order to sound like women, we modulate our voices to a higher pitch and say lady things like "ooh!" and "ew!" and "squee!" and "spiders are icky" and "somebody help me open this jar" and "my uterus is killing me!"
• We pick out stylish and feminine clothing to wear.
• We walk with a swivel to our hips, like ladies do.

The end result?

Boom, bitches.

 Come on. Compare that to these hideous cows...

GROSS!!!

Get it together, S.F.P.D. I thought you were better than this, but we definitely are.

FIERCE!!!

Go out and get some actual evidence and solve a crime, duh.

Gone Bad

Recently in an office at the end of a hallway at the Stiletto Flats Police Department ...

A police captain enters the room and the hushed whispers of a dozen or so officers sitting at several tables become quiet. All attention is pointed toward the captain as he makes his way to a podium at the head of the room.

"Gentlemen? May I direct your attention to the video screen please ..."

The room darkens and a video pops on a screen behind the captain:



At its conclusion, the lights come up once more. The captain clears his throat.

"The robbery you just witnessed was conducted late Thursday afternoon at Stiletto Flats Jewelry. The two employees at the store - both shown behind the counter in the video at various times - have said they believe the perpetrators were three men dressed in wigs and female clothing. Apparently all three spoke at different times during the robbery and the employees stated in no uncertain terms their voices were distinctly male. You can see in the video they avoided the glass display cases altogether and went for the safe in the rear of the store. And it's been reported approximately $240,000.00 was taken. All three suspects were wearing gloves and eye wear as can be seen, making identification extremely difficult. However ... a witness has come forward who claims there are telltale indications as to the suspects' identities ..."

"Who?" came the calls of several of the officers.

"While we're triple-checking the veracity of the information we've received thus far, all indications point to the three being none other than Stiletto Flats very own resident international crime fighters ... The Unbelievables ..."

A Need ...

Just one of the many reasons The Unbelievables were conceived ...

... and not a moment too soon ...