Letter ... (I only got one)

"Dear Unbelievables,
    I was never much of a fan of either David Bowie or Prince. I liked some of their songs that I would hear on the radio but that was it. But since they've both passed away, I've been exposed more in-depth to them and their talents and now I feel like I've missed out on some really great music. I know you stylish gents have your Lobster Rage Fist fingers on the pulse of popular culture, so please tell me what future great musical artists are coming down the pipe so I don't miss out again!
Sincerely,
Unbelievably Unfulfilled"

Well, there's never going be another David Bowie or Prince. That's why they were who they were; because nobody else could be.
But I hear what you're saying. Fortunately, you have come to the right place to ask this question. Unfortunately, the music industry no longer seems to have much interest in grooming young artists for the purpose of long-term careers whose art develops and evolves over time. Prince had put out four albums before he appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Now, a top ten single "earns" that honor. And within a couple of years, that same "artist" is lucky to get booked at your nearby mall.

"My rider specifically states that Orange Julius is not allowed to make noise by operating their blenders at top speed when I am on stage, goddamnit!"

Plus, predicting the long-term prospects for performers is an extremely dicey endeavor. There are simply too many random factors (luck, ability, luck, timing, luck, personality, luck, prevailing trends in pop culture, luck, luck and luck) to approach it scientifically. However, we can tell you who not to look out for...

The New Minty Twistryls

Formerly known as "The World's Only Christian Metal Folk Trio plus Four". They might actually be kind of talented but it's just not worth the effort to find out. Plus, who would want to attend a concert where fans of this kind of music might show up?

Wreckidge

Good news: They actually play instruments
Bad news: They're all bassists

Air Ship

"We are... Air Ship"
You mean like a dirigible?
"No man, like a ship from the water that flies up in the sky!"
Like a flying boat?
(Brief huddle) "We are... Flying Boat"

The Bryk Wallz

All right, let's hear your music.
"Umm, can't you just see how cool we are?"
Yes, that's fine. But we want to hear your songs.
"All right. Let us go get our music things out of the van." (sound of a van starting up and driving off)

Flying Boat

Okay. Got it. Thanks.

Don't get us wrong; all of these bands are probably going to be huge stars (at least for a little while). But you shouldn't waste your time trying to find the next David Bowie or Prince among them. Sorry for your (our) loss.

Letters ... We Get (Strange) Letters

What to do ... what to do ...

I'm pretty certain I've mentioned this before ... but just in case:

When the mailbag gets a bit stuffed, we draw straws to determine the "pick" order of what's inside.

Which, when you think about it, doesn't make too much sense. Because the letters we receive are usually inside envelopes. And we don't know what's inside them. On occasion however people send us postcards so we can spy immediately what a fan (or, sometimes, a foe) might be asking of us.

"Still, Michael ... you just get first pick if you draw the long straw. You still don't know what a letter says ..." you might say.

Well, ho-HO! That's where you would be wrong. We pour out all the letters onto the grand Unbelieva-Coffee Table in our sitting room and first scan for those nifty postcards. << BOOM >> Then we open the letters and read them. THEN we draw straws. Long straw first, short straw last. See how that works?

We enjoy this immensely; it's an evening's entertainment, cheap and easy. We don't have to go out. (Or wear pants.) And oh ... the comments that get passed to and fro between us letter to letter!

Anyway, it was I who drew the short straw, i.e. the last pick. These were the "gems" I was forced to bear ...

"Dear Unbelievables:

I noticed the other morning while I was getting cream for my coffee my water filter has met its expiration date. I know this because I date my water filters so I remember when they're installed. In this case, as you can see, I haven't changed this one in a year. (I replace them at the beginning the month when I change them.)

I've seen a lot of news lately about expiration dates, many people (experts?) noting the dates themselves are only "suggestions" and that you really don't have to swear by them. So here's my question: Do I replace it? Or let it ride out a while?

Yours In Anticipation, Perplexed Patty"

Seriously ... I don't know how The Unbelievables came to be known as authorities on water filters or expiration dates, but I decided to give it a whirl anywho ... despite the fact Jeff and Clark were laughing at the note and at the fact I'd gotten it assigned to me.

So ...

"Patty:

Here's what we'd do: Bake a cake, put a single candle on it, hold it in front of you while you open the fridge and sing a rousing chorus of 'Happy Birthday' to that year-old filter. Then? Promptly change it. Unfiltered (or old filtered) water isn't something you want to fool with in this day and age. (All you have to do is read about Flint, Michigan and their water dilemma.)

Good luck, Michael"

And another ...

"UnbelievaGuys:

I've come to trust your authority on all things, no matter what. The advice I've gotten from you has been topic-varied (changing things up is good!) and useful in the extreme. So what's the final word on toilet paper and how it should be installed in the hanger and whether or not to keep the toilet seat lid up or down?

I'm an "under" dude when it comes to the paper and a "lid open so I don't wee on it in the middle of the night" professor.

Talk to me. Your words are gospel.

James"

Haven't we been through the answers on these items time and again? I know we've posted about toilet paper and its proper orientation in the loo previously. *sigh*

"James:

The genius patent holder of toilet paper makes it clear. See original illustration:

And ... if you have any questions about whether or not to leave the lid open, there's a program out there with Mike (Dirty Jobs) Rowe I can't locate that discusses various preventative measures to keep germs at a minimum. In it, Mike subjects himself to all sorts of stuff: A woman sneezes on him and analysts examine the spewage for disease and the like, he probes into the differences in cleanliness of dog slobber vs. human slobber and, more to the point, the "spray area" of an opened toilet when flushed is scrutinized. Trust me ... you will not only be horrified by the results you'll be scared into doing right thing.

Plus, you know ... stop being lazy.

Don't Write Us Again, Please ... Michael"

Yep. Even our off-the-clock activities can be trying sometimes.

Let's see what Clark has in store for Friday ...