"What's with these start-up villains just popping up and announcing their presence via mail? Maybe we should start staking out post offices", I offered through a mouthful of cookie carnage.
Jeff and Michael shrugged their shoulders.
"Well, this guy is off on the wrong foot if he assumes that just because he sent us all these cookies that we're going to sit around eat them all", I said as I opened yet another sleeve of Thin Mints.
"Regardless", Michael replied. "We should start by figuring out who this 'Turgider' is."
I shot up in my seat and exclaimed, "Wait a minute! Turgider? Traditional spelling?"
Jeff said, "Presumably, yes."
"You guys, Turgider backward is Red Igurt!"
Jeff and Michael looked at each other then responded in unison, "Red Igurt? That doesn't make any sense."
"Exactly. Nothing about this case makes any sense", I said and sat down, self-satisfied.
Jeff said, "Okay. Great. Thanks for the contribution" with an unnecessarily aggressive eye-roll.
We went about working on the case which involved high-speed car chases, fist fights, explosions etc., none of which we have time to talk about due to the space wasted on the verbal exchange above.
Eventually, we found out Baron J. Turgider was indeed trying to put the Girl Scouts out of business. Why? To benefit his baked goods-makin' baby mama, none other than...
LITTLE DEBBIE!
We let both of them off with a warning (seemed fair since they did give* us all those cookies) to stop trying to destroy cherished institutions dedicated to developing young people and never involve us in any Jerry Springer-esque family matters. We would go on to cross paths with Little Debbie again later in spite of this.
* Jeff pointed out that we actually had to pay for all those cookies.
