Unbelievatravel tips

Flight status: "AUUGGGH!!"

As summer approaches, so does the desire to travel abroad for vacations.
This poses some direct challenges to your safety.

"As terrorist attacks, political upheaval, and violence often take place without any warning, U.S. citizens are strongly encouraged to maintain a high level of vigilance and take appropriate steps to increase their security awareness when traveling." - U.S. Department of State

Terrorist groups have actually been getting in touch with us to express their concerns about this very matter.

"How are we supposed to kill people if people kill each other before they even reach their destinations? Look, we're terrorists and as reliably unreasonable as any group you're likely to meet, but some of these people are crazy!" - various terrorists

They're referencing a recent spate of incidents taking place on commercial airlines...

• United Airlines Passenger Is Dragged From an Overbooked Flight
• American Airlines investigates after video shows mom in tears
• Delta Kicks Family With Infant Children Off Flight
• ‘I’ll kill you!’ American arrested after brawling on flight from Tokyo.

So in the interest of public safety, here are some basic tips from us, your heroes, regarding travel.

1. Don't.
2. Okay, if you have to go somewhere, take a train. Incidents like these have stopped happening on trains since bandits stopped robbing them.
3. All right, all right. You can't take a train everywhere. Sometimes flight is the only way to reach your destination. In that case, take a private jet. Like we do.

The crew of the Unbelievajet, where every flight attendant is a captain and vice-versa.

Seriously, if you have access to a private jet staffed by your own hand-picked, expertly-trained flight crew, why wouldn't you travel that way everywhere, all the time? Duh.

The guys will be along later this week offering other tips, tid-bits and tip-bits.