Follow your dreams, hoping they lead you far from here

Oh man, the Dingleheimerwiesen brothers. Better known around here sometimes as "(Sigh) there they are again.". It started out when they were kids and they'd follow us around, asking for autographs and photos. Sure, it's flattering and their hearts have always been in the right place but it can be downright awkward trying to explain to other law enforcement officials why you have fans hanging out at a crime scene.

This meant that as much as we appreciate them, we've had to show some "tough love" and keep our distance at times. You know, just to teach them to respect boundaries. As many young people will do, they went through a rebellious phase for the purpose of seeking atention...

A real lowpoint: that semester at community college when they dated the Klumpmasterflash Twins

But we never stopped supporting them when it mattered the most and as you can see, they picked up on what was really important to us and came out just fine. We're so proud of them!

Deep down, we love these guys!

Daydream Believers

We really are just average guys. (But with the added advantage of being exceptional crime-fighters.)

Jeff? He likes his little production projects ("Mixmaster Jeffy Jeff") and his whipped potatoes. (Tuesdays only, thank you.)

Clark? His Corvettes ("He left it to me ... !!!") and his robots.

Me? I'm much more than just some wandering pantsless guy. (Hello! They're called "trousers" ... !!!)

But we can't help using our super-special powers of deduction and keen observational acumen - not to mention our lightning-fast abilities to think and act on the fly - in our everyday lives, either. They leak over to the normal side sometimes. Not a bad thing.


For example ... just the other day I saw these in someone's garden:

I wondered: "Why in the world does anyone need to write words on rocks?" And, of course, it got me thinking ...

Was it some sinister plot? Is there a villain out there bent on animating garden foliage in order to take over the world? Is it just some yahoo defacing rocks? What? What is it? Could this be an any day happenstance of hidden meaning calling out for the services of The Unbelievables ... ?!?

And then, as I picked them up, I discovered the images below hidden beneath the rocks:

Beneath the "Believe" rock I found these ...

Beneath the "Dream" rock I found these ...

Looking them over, I realized there wasn't any cause for alarm.

No emergency needing The Unbelievables attention.

No crisis or panic-causing threat.

Simply the innocent well wishes of someone wanting the folks in the pictures to realize their dreams and beliefs.

So ... you see? It's not everyday The Unbelievables are called upon. Sometimes parts are just parts.

However ... the following picture we received not long ago from Derek and Dirk Dingleheimerwiesen in their attempt to prove to us they could be a part of The Unbelievables? Well ... let's just say as an act of good faith I'm putting copies underneath both the "Believe" and "Dream" rocks for them ... and we'll just leave it at that.
 
I mean ... who am I to dash their hopes?

Sweater weather!

Fall is the start of the holiday season, which means parties and oh, how we love a good party. But we're also quite fond of the chill in the air that makes it possible to wear some of our favorite clothing: sweaters! We're huge fans of sweater weather (not to be confused with Sweaty Leather, Jeff's cologne). We don't wait for Christmas to celebrate with woolen clothes; that's amateur hour. Pros like us know that sweaters make women even more susceptible to falling into our arms because we have made ourselves incrementally softer and fuzzier.

This cat is looking good (that's an awesome pullover, Gulliver) but he's trying way too hard. There's no need for jazz hands or putting them in the air and waving them as if it's no concern or whatever it is he's doing here.

Dieter and Bjorn here have the right idea. A sort of aggressively nonchalant approach. "Would you like to dance with me?" Meh. I kind of have a pretty sweet spot here at the bar... "Oh please, Bjorn? Pleeeeease??" Well, okay. 

Who says product placement has to be tacky?

This is what happens when someone is playing Tetris while knitting and their home is struck by lightning.

This is one of Michael's favorite pieces of clothing (which is saying something, since he generally hates clothing). It's an extremely M.C. Escher sweater. Notice how the pattern seems to be going up and down at the same time, which should be physically impossible!

What's cuter than when grown adults play matchies? Almost anything. That's why the brother shown here decided to add a twist: not the blinding white plum smugglers, but the Engineer Fred Cap, tilted at a rakish angle. Choo choo, baby!

We like this one because it's not only a stylish garment, it's also a crime-fighting tool. "Show us on the sweater where The Unbelievables touched you..."

Party!

We DO know 'cause we've been told!
"We DO know 'cause we've been told!"
The Unbelievables' parties break the mold!
"The Unbelievables' parties break the mold!"

Food and drink and so much more! 

"Food and drink and so much more!"

Their parties are the stuff of lore!

"Their parties are the stuff of lore!"

Unbelieva-Babes at every turn!
"Unbelieva-Babes at every turn!"
They'll dance your socks off, this you'll learn! 
"They'll dance your socks off, this you'll learn!" 

Party tunes to rock the house! 

"Party tunes to rock the house!"

Loose that tie! Ease up that blouse! 

"Loose that tie! Ease up that blouse!" 

Corn maze, cider, pumpkin pie! 
"Corn maze, cider, pumpkin pie!" 
Hay rides so high you can touch the sky! 
"Hay rides so high you can touch the sky!"

Jokes and laughter rule the night! 

"Jokes and laughter rule the night!" 

There's nothing that they can't do right! 

"There's nothing that they can't do right!" 

An invitation in hand's a must! 
"An invitation in hand's a must!"
Else you'll be left in the dust! 
"Else you'll be left in the dust!"

Criminals, adversaries, the ne'er-do-well

"Criminals, adversaries, the ne'er-do-well" 

Ain't invited! They can go to hell! 

"Ain't invited! They can go to hell!" 

All the chickadees, all the cool cats! 
"All the chickadees, all the cool cats!" 
Will be congregatin' in Stilleto Flats! 
"Will be congregatin' in Stilleto Flats!"

They'll pass out lampshades for your head! 

"They'll pass out lampshades for your head!"

 And play twister! Left hand ... RED!

"And play Twister! Left hand ... RED!"

"Hello, Ladies!" is how they'll greet
"'Hello, Ladies!' is how they'll greet"
All the gals they're sure to meet!
"All the gals they're sure to meet!"

Pictures sittin' in Clark's Corvette!

"Pictures sittin' in Clark's Corvette!"

 With an Unbelieva-babe co-piloting, you can bet!

"With an Unbelieva-babe co-piloting you can bet!"

It's a given there'll be canapes! 
"It's a given there'll be canapes!" 
Made with their special recipes! 
"Made with their special recipes!" 

The drinks will flow, the laughter oh so gay! 

"The drinks will flow, the laughter oh so gay!"

What's that? Another Manhattan, you say? 

"What's that? Another Manhattan, you say?"

Their groovy tunes you can be assured 
"Their groovy tunes you can be assured"
Will be nothing like you've ever heard!
"Will be nothing like you've ever heard!"

And if the party's Tuesday night 

"And if the party's Tuesday night"

Jeff's whipped potatoes will be outta sight!

"Jeff's whipped potatoes will be outta sight!"

  

Sittin' on Naugahyde near curtains of bead 
"Sittin' on Naugahyde near curtains of bead"
A 70s theme will make the night! Indeed!
"A 70s theme will make the night! Indeed!"
  

And best of all, come the midnight stroke 

"And best of all, come the midnight stroke"

Michael will doff trou! That crazy bloke!

"Michael will doff trou! That crazy bloke!"

Party Like It's ... Autumn

Well folks, it would appear that the autumn is upon us, and while it might be fun to talk about the crazy crazy stuff in this week's news (Miley vs. Sinead) I am personally so sick of the pair of them that I want to pay for two tickets to somewhere remote and send them there - no, strike that, maroon them there. Problem solved. But then there'll always be another bunch of annoying people clogging up our media channels and we're back to square one. So let's talk about the Unbelievables' favourite time of the year - Fall. Why? Because it's that crisp chill in the air, the falling leaves, the smell of pumpkin pie and warm apple cider, the hayrides and corn mazes - in short, it's a good time to get close to the ladies (Hello, ladies!) and there is no better way to get up close and snuggly with your best Unbelieva-babe(s) than by hosting an Autumnal dinner party, such as the one below.

So... here's a few tips from your guys who've been there, done that and seen things that'd make Seattle's Aurora Ave. streetwalkers upchuck into their fake Prada clutch purses (but that's another story...)

Food. Kind of an obvious one, this, but if your food can't cut it, then people will pooh-pooh your party and you'll be the party pooper, pal. Luckily for you, help is at hand, bucko. Take a gander at this.

As soon as you start using this handy (and free!) guide, you will be turning out stuff like this in no time.

Yum-oh indeed! Rachael Ray? Who she?

Drinks. Again, you need drinks that are top-notch to guarantee happy guests. So refer to this cheat sheet...

You can't beat a Manhattan. All the Unbelieva-parties we have ever hosted are memorable because of this drink, served our own special way...

So there you have it. You've got the food and drink organised and... wait, what's missing? 
You guessed'er, Chester. Tunes.

May we recommend first of all you click the Hot Platters! tab at the top of the page for some ideas. Also, try this...

Soon you'll be partying just like we do (well, not exactly - you aren't crimefighters, after all - we are) and this sort of thing will be a familiar sight at your pad.

Not this.

Nice boots, though. 

I'm sure that Clark and Michael will be waxing lyrical about our favourite season later in the week. Till then, ciao!

Twerking: Hardly The New Dance Craze

I don't know what all the hoopla is about.

"Michaeling" has been going on for years. A lot longer than you can imagine. Decades in fact. There's even concrete proof of such ...

Old wood prints show proof of what I speak ...

Undated wood stamp: Some of the first evidence of "Michaeling".
As you can see, the event used to be a very formal affair ...

And let's get something straight: "Michaeling" is not some sort of fad-like "conga-wannabee." As a matter of fact my version of a "conga line" is a bit different from everyone else's. Don't get the two confused ...

"Michaeling" has even made the grade in popular culture as shown below in an episode of Futurama ...

Even everyone's favorite icon Barbie and Company have gotten in on the fun ...

Even the disabled can get into "Michaeling"

And you can best believe the ladies dig it, too.

Well ... Hello, Ladies ... !!!
(Black out bar "imposed because you never know if there are young readers out there.
Unclothed dolls are one thing, live ladies something all together different.)

"Twerking" ... ??? Nah. It ain't got nuthin' on "Clarking" ... or "Jeffing" ... or "Michaeling" even.

But don't worry. Things like "twerking" have the tendency to work themselves through the system and then get lost in the shuffle. Before you know it, you won't even remember what all the ruckus was about. 

("Mylie who?" you'll soon wonder ...)

All Twerk And No Play

First, let's get this little nugget out of the way. Here is visual proof of why "Clarking" died out.

Um, yeah.

"Jeffing", that bizarre bug-spotting-then-stomping dance, became "The Roach", as danced by Tracy Turnblad aka Ricki Lake in the original Hairspray, and performed here in an awkward clip from American Bandstand by The Spats...






And then there's Michaeling, which is a bizarro pants-pulling conga line, and not, as Google would have you believe, being a mega fan of Michael Jackson (who he?).

As to twerking, all we can say is... this is one dance we'd like to see relegated to the wicker waste basket of history ASAP. It seems like it's basically a lap dance where no sitting is involved, and no lap either. Sticking your tush up and wiggling it a la Pepe le Pew does not make you Fred Astaire no matter how shiny your shoes and other accessories are, sorry.

So, we're working on it, and at the same time I believe we should try to resurrect a few dances from yesteryear that may have been overlooked. Jeffing and Michaeling sound fun, but Clarking is inadvisable unless you're a yoga instructor with the telephone number of a good osteopath. Or you could try this...

Al Coholic and his backing dancers, The Inebriate Women get loose.