TV - The Same Old Same Old

Those lousy TV companies. They just want to make a fast buck off of our good name, uncopyrighted as it may be. We don't get consulted. Not even so much as a Post-It note stuck on the mailman's heel.

Just last week one of our celebrity moles (who shall for security purposes remain nameless but will doubtless be familiar to millions as a lifeguard or the owner of a talking car) alerted us to three new shows currently in the planning stages. Clearly they are based on our lifestyle and status as crimefighters, and at the same time shameless ripoffs of old TV shows that were unfeasibly popular.

Here they are in all their plagiaristic glory:

1)

Three FBI agents (named Noble, Brooks, and the enigmatic Mr. Hickmott) are investigating a series of unexplained occurrences while accompanied by various scantily-clad ladies.(Hello, ladies!!) Also stars Pauly Shore. Hmmm.

2)

Three retired playboy crimefighters named Jesse Cough-Lecher,  Jeff Eco-Fletcher and Jerry Kofeletzer move to a quiet town in New England where they begin to solve murder mysteries in under an hour, accompanied by a bevy of scantily-clad ladies.(Hello, ladies!!!) Also starring Willie Aames.

3)

They'll be there for you.

Three hot women (Hello, ladies!!) who enjoy jumping in fountains share a New York apartment above a coffee shop, in the company of their three butt-kicking crimefighter boyfriends - Jeff, the tall nerdy shlub, Michael, the aspiring actor who loves sandwiches (with his cheeky catchphrase "What's up, ladies!") and Clark, the wisecracking penpusher who, uh, cracks wise. Like, all the time. Also stars Fred Stoller. I actually kinda like the sound of this one.

More on Friday!

Copyright Vs. Copywrong

Naturally, when you are as adept at kicking butt as we Unbelievable types are, people are going to be envious. We have given Unbelievinars® on self-defence for women, using elements of Unbelieva-Fu® combined with Zumba, Salsa and a little Lindy Hop for a well-rounded, complete yet accessible method of ass-kicking. Attendees of these Unbelievinars® have to sign a waiver before taking part in the class to ensure they will not give away any part of what they've learned nor try to profit from it in any way. I mean, we have to protect the public. Unbelieva-Fu® is strong stuff. Even a little knowledge of its secrets can be too much for a regular Joe to handle. 

Michael gives Stevie Nicks a little personal tuition.

But, people are people, and we are well aware of how difficult it can be to keep schtumm about something as awe-inspiring as Unbelieva-Fu®. Some people can barely contain this knowledge. They just have to tell someone.

And as long as it goes no further, as long as it's just an innocent slip, there's usually no problem.

But when somebody tries to make money off of this knowledge, to re-sell our secrets, well then THAT MAKES US SEE RED.

So when this appeared one day...

our blood boiled. All that baloney about Jiu-Jitsu and Judo was just so much hot air. At least 10% of what you see above is Unbelieva-Fu®, pure and simple. (We're not telling which 10%, though - we ain't stupid.) 

We had to try to find this Black Cat person, and quickly. Trouble is, even though we kept scrupulous records of previous attendees of our Unbelievinars®, not one of them answered to the name Black Cat. Obviously a disguise of some sort.

We had some ideas of possible previous pupils, but had no easy time of it in tracking them down. 

Could it be Hotlegs O'Hooligan, the pride of old Peabody, Mass.?

Marianne, the Girl-In-A-Box?

or Helena Handbasket and Polly Gripp, two notorious brawlin' burlesquers?

Come back on Wednesday for further info.