TV - The Same Old Same Old

Those lousy TV companies. They just want to make a fast buck off of our good name, uncopyrighted as it may be. We don't get consulted. Not even so much as a Post-It note stuck on the mailman's heel.

Just last week one of our celebrity moles (who shall for security purposes remain nameless but will doubtless be familiar to millions as a lifeguard or the owner of a talking car) alerted us to three new shows currently in the planning stages. Clearly they are based on our lifestyle and status as crimefighters, and at the same time shameless ripoffs of old TV shows that were unfeasibly popular.

Here they are in all their plagiaristic glory:

1)

Three FBI agents (named Noble, Brooks, and the enigmatic Mr. Hickmott) are investigating a series of unexplained occurrences while accompanied by various scantily-clad ladies.(Hello, ladies!!) Also stars Pauly Shore. Hmmm.

2)

Three retired playboy crimefighters named Jesse Cough-Lecher,  Jeff Eco-Fletcher and Jerry Kofeletzer move to a quiet town in New England where they begin to solve murder mysteries in under an hour, accompanied by a bevy of scantily-clad ladies.(Hello, ladies!!!) Also starring Willie Aames.

3)

They'll be there for you.

Three hot women (Hello, ladies!!) who enjoy jumping in fountains share a New York apartment above a coffee shop, in the company of their three butt-kicking crimefighter boyfriends - Jeff, the tall nerdy shlub, Michael, the aspiring actor who loves sandwiches (with his cheeky catchphrase "What's up, ladies!") and Clark, the wisecracking penpusher who, uh, cracks wise. Like, all the time. Also stars Fred Stoller. I actually kinda like the sound of this one.

More on Friday!

Rip Off

Both Clark's post this week and Jeff's exhaustive effort pretty much told the stories of the blatant ripoffs we Unbelievables shoulder.

I don't have much to add with the two of them having worked that history to a froth.

But ...

... there are a couple they left out I'll mention ...

Trust me: It wasn't bingo. It was an innocent game of Twister during last year's gala after New Year's shindig we threw for a few friends and associates. (Hokay ... it was a "clothing optional" game of Twister, truth be told.) But look what they did: Some yahoo took a consensual party game and turned it into some heinous fabrication involving addiction, prostitution and personal loss. *yeesh* 

Where they come up with this stuff I haven't a clue. Talk about imagination ...
 

Now, this one ... well ... there's a lot of truth to "Rat In The Skull." Rog Phillips' story was pretty much dead on. Eerie and hair-raising, too. Rog is an acquaintance of ours and caught wind of the idea from a brain-shaped Jello mold we had lying around as we were preparing to decorate the Unbelieva-Base for Halloween some years ago.

The after story of the entire ordeal is this: Someone at the ASPCA eyed an old copy of "If Science Fiction" at a thrift store and decided to use it as a company-wide agenda on the cruelty to animals. Huh, buoy.

But the thing is: 1) They're just rats and they're pretty disgusting creatures, and; 2) No rats were harmed in the least. Because it was all completely fabricated! When someone wants to take off and run with something, you better have your best sneakers at the ready.

Questions? I didn't think so.

Variations On An Unbelieva-Theme

It's amazing how many of our adventures were ripped off by the magazine "Man's Life" and others of its ilk. Not only did they rip us off, but they ripped each other off, too. Many stories were just recycled versions of stories that had appeared previously, with the names, places and other details changed, in other magazines. Variations on a theme, if you will. Here are a few examples that are particularly common.

The "WAIST DEEP IN WATER" Theme

It was in reality only next door's cat, but the girl's shirt did fall open.

This was when Michael got plastered one day at St. Tropez and did a faceplant into the sand while in the company of a bikini-clad giantess.

Once, we were given a tour of the Aussie Outback (not the restaurant, although that Toowoomba Pasta is delicious) by none other than Steve Irwin (bless him). Give me back my arm, indeed. Crikey!

Topless, exotic, and waist deep. Clark knows how to get a girl out of trouble.

One time we tested each other's knife skills by stabbing piranhas in mid-air. OK, it was only a backyard pool, and the piranhas were rubber, but other than that, the story is pretty much verbatim.

The "NAZI SEX SLAVES" Theme

As far as I recall none of our adventures have ever brought us into contact with Nazis, but the writers have taken extreme liberties with the truth just to sell these rags. We did once bust up an S&M club in the search for illicit Twinkies, but Nazis? No.

More water, and a medieval-looking torture device. Apparently Nazis were heavily into the idea that torturing sexy skimpily-clad maidens was the way to win WW2.

Either that or throwing them off of flagpoles, after torturing them. We did once have an escapade with a pretty girl and a flagpole, but that's another story and again, nothing whatsoever to do with Nazis.

Not Nazis, but Fidel Castro lookalikes, and some sort of voodoo torturing of pretty young women. We once judged a Fidel Castro lookalike contest but that is about as far as it goes.

1. She was running towards us. 2. We were waiting for her.
3. There were no Nazis.

The "Wild Animal/Damsel In Distress" Theme

Never met a Stone Age man who wanted to take my blonde girlfriend away, but if I had, it's a fair bet it'd look something like this.

Pumas don't generally attack people, but there was this one occasion when Marissa needed me to shoo the neighbour's cat off the porch.

The "Dominant Females" Theme

We've made our fair share of women mad before, but they never tried to cut our heads off. This must be based on an Unbelievababes adventure where they were in deep cover in the jungles of French Guiana. 

We should be so lucky.

Then there are the oddball items that, while not specifically based on any of our adventures, at least ring a bell. One loud enough to make us think that someone has been following us. Here are some examples...

One time, Clark asked for a set of muscles for Xmas.

Um... this was in my inbox. Don't ask me why.

Michael once changed his name to "Tim Valour".

We knew young Ellis Parsley before he was Elvis Presley.

Let's see what Michael has to say on Friday... Till then...

Ciao!