The misinformed mastermind behind the Black Cat

We had to get moving quickly...

CLARK: All right. We're going to need a canoe. They're $38 so we're each going to have to cough up about $13.
JEFF: ...
MICHAEL: ...
CLARK: Okay, one of us only has to pay $12, but we can work that out later.
JEFF: I'm trying to figure out why you think we need a canoe.
MICHAEL: I'm trying to figure out why you think canoes only cost $38.
CLARK: Why would any canoe ever cost more than $38?
JEFF: There's no reason to think we need to take to the water...
MICHAEL: Because every canoe ever costs more than $38!
CLARK: You're out of your mind!
JEFF: .. and we have a boat.
MICHAEL: What do you know about canoes?
CLARK: I bought one! And guess how much it cost? $38!
JEFF: Actually, we have several boats.
MICHAEL: And where is this canoe of yours? I've never seen it.
CLARK: I don't have it anymore. It sunk the first time I took it out. But you see my point.

Right after this exchange, Jeff answered the doorbell (installing the doorbell at our secret hideout was another one of my ideas that Jeff and Michael didn't appreciate, but this story will illustrate, once again, why my ideas are brilliant) and found a man named Melvin Movovovin turning himself in. 

Mr. Melvin Movovovin

It seems he was one of those people mentioned by Jeff on Monday who was a friend of a friend who had actually been one of our Unbelieva-Fu® students. Having heard about it third-hand, he didn't realize it was something we owned the rights to, so he combined his love of cartooning with his beloved pet black cat (Miss Muffinmitts), thinking he could provide a public service and make a few bucks. 

Mrs. Myrna Movovovin (Melvin's Missus) holding Miss Muffinmitts

His connection to the Republican presidential candidates is that he works for all of them, functioning as their Kip the Mailboy. Being indistinguishable from each other, none of them noticed that they all employed the same man. As a result of having 12 jobs, he was making so much money that he'd forgotten about trying to get rich off his Black Cat inadvertent Unbelieva-Fu® rip-off until somebody saw this blog and tipped him off. He apologized profusely and we consider the matter closed, except Michael insists somehow that he won the canoe argument.

Also, Jeff wants you to know that we have some boats for sale.

Copyright Vs. Copywrong

Naturally, when you are as adept at kicking butt as we Unbelievable types are, people are going to be envious. We have given Unbelievinars® on self-defence for women, using elements of Unbelieva-Fu® combined with Zumba, Salsa and a little Lindy Hop for a well-rounded, complete yet accessible method of ass-kicking. Attendees of these Unbelievinars® have to sign a waiver before taking part in the class to ensure they will not give away any part of what they've learned nor try to profit from it in any way. I mean, we have to protect the public. Unbelieva-Fu® is strong stuff. Even a little knowledge of its secrets can be too much for a regular Joe to handle. 

Michael gives Stevie Nicks a little personal tuition.

But, people are people, and we are well aware of how difficult it can be to keep schtumm about something as awe-inspiring as Unbelieva-Fu®. Some people can barely contain this knowledge. They just have to tell someone.

And as long as it goes no further, as long as it's just an innocent slip, there's usually no problem.

But when somebody tries to make money off of this knowledge, to re-sell our secrets, well then THAT MAKES US SEE RED.

So when this appeared one day...

our blood boiled. All that baloney about Jiu-Jitsu and Judo was just so much hot air. At least 10% of what you see above is Unbelieva-Fu®, pure and simple. (We're not telling which 10%, though - we ain't stupid.) 

We had to try to find this Black Cat person, and quickly. Trouble is, even though we kept scrupulous records of previous attendees of our Unbelievinars®, not one of them answered to the name Black Cat. Obviously a disguise of some sort.

We had some ideas of possible previous pupils, but had no easy time of it in tracking them down. 

Could it be Hotlegs O'Hooligan, the pride of old Peabody, Mass.?

Marianne, the Girl-In-A-Box?

or Helena Handbasket and Polly Gripp, two notorious brawlin' burlesquers?

Come back on Wednesday for further info.