So long Len, hello Linda!

Rankled as I was by the notion that we would ever take a lead from Kip, top-notch rankler and world class buffoon that he is, it was still something that needed to be checked out. Turns out Kip was almost on to something.
A simple phone call confirmed that the animal abusing nudist Doris Gumph was still under maximum security lockdown, after we busted her for trying to swindle the carnival industry and traumatize young children with her line of Whack-A-Mole games using real moles. But it also revealed the existence of her non-evil twin sister Delores (we deal with so many twins that it's almost like they exist for the sole purpose of bailing out lazy, unimaginative writers who rely on hack-y, shopworn plot devices who can't otherwise resolve their storylines!), who is also a nudist minus the tendency to harm little furry creatures.

This is Doris...

and this is Delores. Easy to spot the many, many differences if you're a trained professional.

As it turns out Delores is a certified gender identity counselor and is working with our old pal Len, soon to be known as Linda. That's right, Len is transitioning from male to female and simply doesn't have time to devote to photography, hence the retirement notice. The note sent was meant to be taken at face value and the photo was to illustrate the progress Len had made up to that point. Apparently, once started, things can proceed quite rapidly because here's an even more current photo of Linda:

Of course we, The Unbelievables, are totally supportive and wish Linda nothing but the best. If/when she decides to resume her career, we will be here for her.

Now, as to Kip and his creepy nudie magazine obsession that he tried to deflect by implicating Len, that's something best handled internally over a nice severe beating. In my opinion, anyway.

Gone ... With The Nudist?

In the first 24 hours of Jeff's post about Len Scapp's supposed "retirement" ("... if you think you've seen any sign of our man Len, drop us a line, won't you?") the floodgates of inquiry swung wide open.

Most of the concern went something like this:

"Hey, Unbelievables: It sure seems like you guys - or people you know or are associated with - go missing for some reason or another pretty damned often. It's either kidnappings, someone gets lost, retirement, extended vacations and the like. What gives?"

"You know ... they have a point," Jeff noted when the three of us sat down to discuss the situation.

"Somehow, I have a hunch this thing leads to Michael ..." Clark shot me a laser-eyed accusatory look and held up several of the photos. The ones of the redheads.

"Hey ... don't blame me!" I snatched the photos from Clark's hand. "Look ... I'll offer this: We can nix a third of the suspects right off the bat because they're redheads. I admit ... I *cough* know all of them on one *cough* level or another from past *hack,cough* dealings ..."


"I told you," Clark offered.

"Just as the sun rises in the east, we know he does dig the redheads," Jeff admitted looking Clark's way. Clark nodded in agreement.

"... and, diabolically, if they had anything to do with anything, nefarious though each of them may be, they'd come after me. I'd be the one missing, not Lenny." Reluctantly, my two compatriots were on board with that assessment.

I tossed the photos of the redheads on the ground, took the others and looked at them. "Any of these dames have dealings with him recently?"

Just then, Kip The Mail Boy strolled in the room eating an apple. "What's up, guys?"

Clark glared at Kip. (Everyone knows Clark regards Kip with distrust and bitter resentment.)

"Lenny's missing. We're following up on some leads ..." I responded.

"Lemme see," Kip said taking a chomp out of his snack noisily. I handed him the photos "Think I'd zero in on Doris if I were you ..."

"Why's that?" Jeff and I asked in unison. Clark just growled lowly and threateningly at Kip.

"Len has really been frequenting our magazines of late when he comes by ... especially the nudist magazines."

One of Lenny's preferred periodicals of late ...

He picked out one of the photos I was holding and turned it around for us to see.

"Isn't Doris Gumph a nudist?"

... hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...

Gone In A Flash

This pic plopped on to our desk this morning, with a Post-it note attached, bearing a hastily scribbled "Guys, I'm retiring. See ya round - Len"

What do we glean from this? Not the fact that Unbelieva-Photog Len Scapp, our very own world-class shutterbug, is retiring, oh no no no. Anyone with a good eye can figure out that this picture is not Len Scapp, but a female of the woman variety in disguise. Plus, the note didn't look like Len Scapp's handwriting. Which can lead us to only one of about twelve conclusions. Confused? Sure you are. But bear with me and I'll try to explain.

You see, we know of easily a dozen female photographers and/or models who are also villains. For instance...

Mona Pletheridge, 8mm of pain her specialty.

Iona Mansion, heiress to the Barratt Homes fortune. She 'clicks' with the guys, but when she 'snaps' - look out!

Dixie Bose-Sennheiser. Petty larceny and blackmail were just stepping stones into large-scale camera-shop heists and in her latest caper, she stripped a movie studio of all its Panavision cameras and film stock in under three minutes. She's very high on our list, but - kidnapping? 

Doris Gumph, animal abuser and nudist.

Vita Phone, aka the Red Devil. Also into abusing animals - see the lamb she just kicked in the butt?

Gladys Paine-Fulle, cruel to tiny ponies and humans alike.

McKenzie Von Snarf, just plain weird.

Glorious Honeybun. So OCD she tried to make musical notes get in line. Nice gams though.

Vespa McNerf, Tartan-wearing scooter fiend with a long list of hit-and-runs.

Petronella DeKrupp. This beauty would stomp a lion's face in with stilettoes if she felt so inclined. Look out, Lenny!

That's just nine of our list of possibles. Any of them could have done something awful to Len and for various reasons. Michael and Clark will explore further avenues during the week. Meantime, if you think you've seen any sign of our man Len, drop us a line, won't you?