Not So Fast...

Sorry folks. It seems that we have a problem. 

You see, that ugly dwarf-troll-child Henri Petit is at it again. 

No sooner do we thwart one of his twisted plans than he is back again with another stupid idea to take over the world - only this time, he's after your kids.

He has teamed up, apparently, with another failed master criminal - the fiendish Nick O'Teen, who was in the cigarette-peddling biz a few years back. Remember?

We all thought that we'd seen the back of O'Teen when we heard that none other than the Man of Steel had put paid to this villain's scheme.

But he's back - and Henri Petit (under the alias of Fritz) has teamed up with him to produce these evil cancer-sticks with which to tempt children.

I mean, COME ON!  We know it's you, Petit.

Why, I hear you cry? Simple. He reckons if he can get our children hooked on smoking huge unfiltered cigars and wreck their health, then the easier the Western world will be to conquer. You can't fight if you're gasping for breath and hacking up gobbets of phlegm all the time.

But fear not, citizens. We Unbelievables are on the case and will have this villain and his new chum rounded up and dealt with forthwith. Kids smoking cigars is something we simply will not put up with.

Michael and Clark will tell you more about our progress later on in the week. Meanwhile, we talked to Superman and let him know Nick O'Teen was on the loose again (we were hoping to maybe get a few tips from ol' Clark Kent about the malodorous O'Teen), but the news that a fiend he had spent a considerable amount of time pursuing thirty or so years ago was back in circulation sent him into a bit of a decline. 

So I don't guess we can rely on him for any help this week.

It's (Not So Much) A Halloween Mystery

Negative Charge

The single-most puzzling (and polite) villain ever

Remember Monday's post? Where Clark suggested you send entries into us to be judged Halloween Day? This very day?

And Jeff's? Wherein he intimated cryptically "there may be a prize in it for you" ... ???

Have you seen the comment sections on both those posts? You'll notice they're blank as a 5th grader's newly purchased spiral-bound notebook - as blank as the day they were created.
 
Now, as popular as The Unbelievables are, you might be asking yourself: "Hey ... Unbelievables: How can this possibly be?!? Where are all the entries?"

Well ... we thought that very same thing. And, doing a little digging, we've got an answer for you ...

It just so happens 1,258 entries were submitted to both Clark's and Jeff's posts combined. Not a single one of them showed up on the site though.

And currently? There's no way those entries are showing up any time soon.

How do we know this? Is there anyone behind the gaff? You bet your sweet Aunt Patootie we know:

So called "Master Of Electricity" Negative Charge.

He and his "minions" Kevin, Bob and Ted are the instigators and "master minds" behind the absence of entries with Negative Charge himself taking full credit for the deed. How do we know this?

A letter we received from the dolt:

Dear Unbelievables:

Thought I would pull a little Halloween "prank" on you and your plans to hold a costume contest. (Sorry ... but, you know ... I'm a villain. It's my nature.)

Consider it "payback" for you three foiling my plans over the years. (Apologies for holding a grudge.)

Sincerely,
Negative Charge

P.S. Again, please accept my heartfelt acknowledgments for messing with your contest. It's what I do.

(Seriously, the guy is one of the weirdest super criminals we've ever encountered. Who apologizes for being bad?)

So, Charge put the ki-bosh on our contest plans, folks. We know all of you we're looking forward to some high-falutin' costumed fun. Things don't always work out. The best laid plans, y'unnerstan' ...

As consolation, I'm providing one of my all-time favorite (and puzzling) costumes ever:

I absolutely love this costume ...

At any rate, have a Happy Halloween, Unbelieva-Fans ... !!!

Ghosts of Costume Parties Past

Now, you may be wondering (you may not be wondering actually, I've no idea), "Since you guys are experts in disguise, you must love getting dressed up for little or no reason, so why do you only have ONE costume contest per year?".

Well, it's true, we ARE rather fond of dressing up. And we LOVE a good costume party.

Us with Marissa at the 1968 Halloween Mixer. Who's who? Hint: Marissa's on the right.

We've been holding costume parties since forever. But it was only after a couple years we realised what a good opportunity fancy dress balls present to us crimefighting types. Opportunities to gather information.

We decided it would be a rather brilliant wheeze if we were to put the word out on the grapevine that we were hosting a costume party, knowing that eventually, word would reach the criminal underground.

Master criminals are very fond of dressing up and showing off (think The Joker, The Penguin, et al). Even ugly toddler Henri Petit and the diabolical Lester Von Hornrimm have been known to slap on some greasepaint and funny clothes from time to time - and to dress up for a party too (see what I did there? Ha ha ha!).

That's Henri in the middle.

Any road up, what we'd do is this...

Get some of the Unbelievababes to work the door, serve the drinks etc. All in costume, of course.

Guests arrive, in costume.

Everyone's in costume, nobody knows who is who, the guests eat, drink, relax and start talking shop.

We have microphones placed everywhere, recording conversations between evil-doers and ne'er-do-wells.

It's brilliant. And because nobody knows who is wearing what, sometimes we don't even show up!

We're elsewhere, kicking butt and fighting crime. 

But anyway, that's not the point. I was supposed to talk about entries from previous Unbelievables costume contests. There were many clangers and howlers I can recall, but my favourite one is this - it's wrong and right on so many levels I have to give it a special mention.

The name's not quite right, and there are only two, but come on! Borderline genius, Elsie and Fay Rectangle from Attleboro, MA!

Oh, and a special Happy Halloween greeting to our spectacular friend Monica Lewis (yes, that Monica Lewis, who is seen here getting in on the act.)

P.S. The real reason we only have ONE costume contest per year? Halloween, natch.

Get those entries in! There may be a prize in it for you! Or not.

This year's Unbelievable Costume Contest

Boo!
Just kidding. I didn't mean to scare you.
But it is Halloween again and that means we're having our annual costume contest again, with all proceeds benefiting the Eleanor Greeble Foundation which helps young people who are saddled with the unfortunate circumstance of being given the name of an elderly person.

I'm here to give you some background.

First, of course, the idea is to dress up like us, The Unbelievables.
That said, please don't bother submitting anything where you're wearing an Unbelievables costume you bought at the store.

We appreciate it, of course, but it's difficult to judge a perfect, authorized likeness of us. Plus it lacks imagination.

Sepia-tinged photography is an interesting form of expression. Photos like this one express that there is a pit full of innocent people screaming nearby. We don't like that.

A twist on gender is very clever and of course, the contest is open to women! I don't know who is supposed to be whom in this photo but those are fine costumes.

We are not, however, fond of zombified versions of us. It's morbid. It's not against the rules, but you won't win.

If you'd like to submit an entry, feel free to do so in the comments. We'll announce a winner on Friday. In the meantime, Jeff and Michael will give you their thoughts on memorable moments from contests gone by.

Disguise The Limit

For us, it's easy. For you schmoes, not so much. Using our well-honed undercover disguise skills, a touch of Unbelieva-Zen and more than a smidge of help from the "Sooper Disguise-O-Matic Undercover Kit" (Patent Pending) we can transform ourselves at will into any ethnicity or nationality.

For example...

Asian/Native American 80s hip-hop dude (?)

Scottish time traveller...

South Korean...

Aussie...

Hispanic funny dude...

Frenchmen...

Canadian...

and whatever the heck this is.

Yes folks. The pictures above are ALL us.

What sort of results would ensue if we weren't professionals who have practised our craft for years? Most likely the same results you guys would get if you tried it. Which is why we don't recommend that you do. Try it, that is.

Of course it helps that we have a certain degree of wit,sophistication, charm and disarming modesty too. That way we are able to mingle with anyone and everyone, from the highest to the lowest. F'rinstance...

Helping one G. Butler Esq. home from the local boozer.

Shopping fun with our buddy Hugh.

Giving Luke a bit of a squeeze. He likes to be squeezed.

Demonstrating some of our latest eyewear gadgets to a young lady singer from Barbados.

And all because we can blend in. It's easy when you know how.

An Unbelievable optical illusion... kind of

Why?
How?
Because (believe it or not, younger readers) there was a time when certain styles were associated, and confined to, certain ethnic groups.
Well, guess what? Your beloved Unbelievables never subscribed to that ridiculous point of view. We are almost always guided and influenced by style and if something looks good, then it looks even better on us. Whether we're busting jive turkeys in an alley in Harlem, chasing the Yakuza on motorcycles through the streets of Tokyo or seducing military secrets from a contessa in Florence, we're going to dress the part and you know we're going to look sharp doing it, just because that's who we are. Whatever it takes to get the job done. It sounds simple, doesn't it? For us, it is. Not everybody can pull it off though.

This montage captures the essence of the Unbelievables like none other.

You see, for us, this is life, not a lifestyle. It's the difference between putting on some clothes...

Jackasses

And wearing them. You dig?

Badasses

This is the simplest explanation we can offer as to why our appearance seems to change in different photographs, based on what is happening in those photos.

The point of all this is, sometimes you might think we look like this...

While other times, it may appear to you that we look like this...

But we are always this...

I mean, each of us being a cool dude with at least two hot ladies, not that one of us is a cool dude and the other two are hot ladies. Maybe I should have found a better picture. Maybe Jeff can salvage this on Friday.

Unbelieva-Brother

Clark said of the above

"It's been mentioned before but sometimes we're black. Again, don't let it throw you."

Clark touched on The Unbelievables uncanny ability to appear black when the need arises. It's been a terrific boon for us over the years, aiding us in countless cases.

But it's a skill which hasn't come easy for us. In the beginning there was a lot of work involved ...

I'm not going to note who's who in this picture. It's pretty obvious all three of us

were in the delicate, formative stages of black alter egoness.

Here's an example of our "look" back in the day.

While the style was greatly improved, our "moves" needed improvement.

It takes time, effort and fortitude to master being black, especially when the need for undercover work comes calling. It's not a matter of concentrating on the role at that point. When you're in the thick of it, you can't worry about stepping into character convincingly. It's got to come naturally.

Jeff was the first of us to "get down with his bad self" ...

Through trial and error, we found Clark did his best work

when he was working with one of the ladies.

(Hello, Ladies!)

Over the years, however, we've been able to perfect every aspect of our characters.

It was just a matter of time (and practice) before we had all our ducks in a row ...

... and it wasn't long before we became masters of our craft.

So good, in fact, we once rented out our services as body doubles

for Max Julien, Richard Pryor and Roger Mosley.

Some of our many "exploits of color" are legendary. Jeff and Clark will regale you ...