Coming clean. Again. Still.

JEFF: All right, boys. Let's put on some pants and hit the town.
CLARK: Good idea!
MICHAEL: You guys brought pants?

What is truth anyway? Who really knows? Not me, that's for sure. Anyway, everything, every single last thing, we have posted here is rooted in truthesque topsoil. How far those roots extend is open to interpretation, guesses or wild speculation. Yes, we were in Switzerland. All of us. Yes, Michael went about doing his own thing, as he is wont to do. And yes, Jeff invented sex boxes. Here's where that whole truth thing gets... murky. You see, Jeff has had what he calls his "sex boxes" for years. Typically, they're various, small, hand-held units that he carries around with him. Some of them are quite colorful. Often, we find him singing to them. We don't know what goes on but whatever. They make him happy so we leave him alone. What happened in Zurich last week is Jeff and I were on a train and he was singing to one ("Sex box, sex box, I love you more than a bagel loves lox") and it drew the unwanted attention of the conductor who alerted the authorities and bing, bang, boom, we eventually found ourselves in the mayor's office, making up a story about a public works project for strumpets. That's right; it was less weird and uncomfortable to come up with that whopper that Jeff told the other day than it was to explain his... hobby. And that's the truth. More or less.

Sometimes It's About Where We Aren't ...

The thing is this:

Clark and Jeff and I haven't seen each other in some time. None of us have been in the same room in over a week.

While Jeff has confessed "we lied," I can confidently state - without reservation - that I have not.

I have indeed been in Sweden ... partaking of all I've said.

While I applaud Jeff for his revelation to you, the public, about snagging ne'er-do-wells, I haven't the faintest idea what Clark was been up to. (Or ... if he was even in Switzerland ...)

So there.

Indeed, I've been knee-deep in cuckoo clocks. Navigating plate-fulls of Swedish meatballs. And munching almost non-stop on knäckebröd. At least I was truthful about those things.

I can't always account for the whatfors and whereabouts of my two Unbelievable colleagues. (Clark will certainly detail what his involvement was last week ... stay tuned.)

Me? I'm recovering from fonduery ...

Coming Clean

Usually we Unbelievables only lie when it absolutely calls for it. To us, the truth is paramount. Honesty is the best policy and all that malarkey. But there are those special times when a bit of creativity in the truth department is called for, and we have to tell a little fib, a porky pie or an outright whopper.

And last week, we lied to you, the people of Earth. We were less than honest about our activities in Zurich. We actually did the unthinkable and completely fabricated the whole thing.

So what were we actually doing? Well, fear not, good citizens. All shall be revealed in good time. Suffice it to say at this point in time we were doing something for the good of personkind.

It came to our attention that Zurich, where prostitution is legal, is fast becoming the 'in' place for stressed-out executives to conveniently 'have a meeting', which as we know is code for a quickie with a streetwalker.

Zurich, being one of those cities where they hate to see people inconvenienced, noted the amount of harassment that their town trollops were experiencing and kindly came up with this idea...

Yes! It's called a sex-box. The idea being that it's a safe environment for ladies of the night to take their 'dates' to, with a convenient alarm on the passenger side should things go awry. The prostitute can bail and hit the alarm, and before you can say "locked in your car", the rozzers are down on the offending john like a ton of the proverbials.

Truth is, this was our idea.

Yes, we did all the research and feasibility studies, fronted the money and were in Zurich last week to see them unveiled. So there you are. Of course, we were there to see all that other stuff we talked about - watches, chocolate, cheese, hot stewardesses - but this was the main purpose of our trip. You're welcome, world.

Now we are back and fully refreshed. And not a moment too soon, it seems - for we have another foul fiend to attend to - this young lady needs correcting and soon.

We are so on the case. Clark and Michael will keep you updated on our progress.

Ciao!

P.S. Oh, and Switzerland? Love that flag - it's a big plus.

I'm Cuckoo (Clock) For Sweden

 All of a sudden, there's no work to be done! It's all vacation time!

While Jeff and Clark are busy monkeying around in Switzerland, I decided to make merry in Sweden! I've "taken leave" on my own to venture out and partake of even more than what the Swiss have to offer.

Smörgåsbord me, Baby ... !!!

Fun in the Swedish sun! Better cuckoo clocks! Even more cheese galore! Smörgåsbords! Delights for everyone!

Personally, I don't have time to fool around with handbags outrageously priced at tens of thousands of dollars. *pshah* I'll leave that to the other guys.

(The chocolate I can do without, too. I've never been a big fan ...)

Yep. I'm a huge knäckebröd fan. Pass the butter ...

But ... Holy Crow! The fondue parties they can toss! The knäckebröd! Swedish meatballs all around! I'm in food heaven over here!

Swedish yum!

And, while visiting? The only hope and dream I have is to find out where Max Von Sydow lives. I have a super secret timepiece that's certain to clue me in as to his whereabouts in this lovely country ...

Raising Hell-Vetica

Yes, that's right folks. This week we are in Switzerland, the most peace-loving country on the planet. Being peaceful guys ourselves, we love it here. So much so, we like to take weekend breaks up to Leavenworth, WA, which looks like an Alpine resort.

 There are lots of wonderful things here in la Suisse and we each have our favourites. Michael loves the Swiss' skill in making timepieces and has amassed an impressive collection of cool watches.

With this model "The Spaceman" he liked to sit there and talk into it like it was a communicator, saying "Houston, we have a problem" and "That's one small step for Michael, one giant leap for a kangaroo", etc.

With this one he kept making robot noises. "Shut up!" we cried. "Robots don't really keep telling people that they're robots!"

I seem to recall the day he got this one. He kept trying to impress us with the funny words he could make by typing in numbers and the showing them to us upside-down. He derived great mirth from typing "0.7734", "71077345" and of course, "5318008". We wouldn't have minded but we were in the Unbelieva-mobile on a stakeout at the time.

The downside to his love of timepieces is his similarly large collection of cuckoo clocks.

Repellent things. I can't stand them, personally, and Clark is a wee bit scared of them.

As to the things that Clark likes about Switzerland, he's got a soft spot about chocolate, in all its forms.

He's got all their LP's.

He's also a big fan of Swiss Cheese. In fact, any cheese.

Nope... we've already covered that kind of cheese.

Ain't no party like a fondue party, as Clark and Michael demonstrate here.

As for myself, there are two things I think of when I think Switzerland. The first is alpine pursuits.

Skiing with the gals...

and more skiing. With the gals.

The second is the lovely smiling air hostesses we met on Swissair.

Nope, she's not happy. Not with that man twisting her body into that pose. He doesn't even look like he's been to dental college.

More like it. This is what we mean.

Now sadly, Swissair is no more. It's been replaced by Swiss International Airlines. I hope their flight attendants are of a similar ilk.

Not bad.

More like it!

Now, I'm off to show my new Swiss Army knife to that showoff Clark. Beat this, buddy!

Greetings from Zurich!

Hi folks. We're in Switzerland!

As you probably heard, media mogul Oprah Winfrey was involved in a situation here in Zurich where she was (alledgedly) denied the opportunity to purchase a $38,000 purse. As is sometimes the case, whether we're asked or not, The Unbelievables have decided to become involved in this case. Well, not this actual incident. But we want to know why a purse would cost $38,000. Current theories we're investigating include:

• It turns into a motorcycle.
• It comes with $37,975.00 in gold coins.
• It's part of "Operation: Robin Hood", an elaborate world-wide program designed to take money from people who have too much of it and re-circulate it into the economy.

We'll see how that works out. But in the meantime, it's got us thinking about fashion accessories and how passionate people (ladies) are about them.

Candace, our accountant, loves to put on her go-go boots before getting down on the floor and working on her computer

.

The '80s were a good time to own stock in a lace factory

Good accessory: A hat. Better accessory: Extra armfuls of girls

When it comes to eye protection that can be gnawed on seductively, it's hard to beat a good pair of shades.

Wow. Women are crazy, huh? Ha ha ha! Let's see what Jeff and Michael have to say about the matter later this week. Until then, I'm heading back to the chalet to figure out this new knife I just got downtown.

Next Time, He'll Use His "Words" Instead Of His Actions

The above?

Clark's "thinking chair" he was relegated to a week ago for his "handling" of Goldjacket. 

He grouched and whined a lot when Jeff and I forced punishment on him for his actions, but that's okay. These things need to take place now and again to keep everyone on the up and up.

I'm happy to report Clark is his usual self once more and has learned from his mistake.

Yes ... even members of The Unbelievables get the occasional reprimand.