Tying up the Twinkie trap

I was puzzling over this latest mystery with the Twinkie snacks the other day, trying to figure out what the sinister angle could possibly be this time, when suddenly it hit me.
Twinkies are made of sponge cake and creme filling.
Sponge cake.
Sponge. Cake.
Sponge.
Cake.
Sweet Pee Wee Herman on The View! The fiends (whoever they were) planned to use the Twinkies as actual sponges and absorb up all the real cake! This would deprive the world of cake, thus making us reliant on... Twinkies!

A world without this? Nooooooo!

I didn't have time to consult Jeff or Michael. I had to act rashly quickly. I drove down to the old abandoned Twinkie plant, former lair of The Hostess. I made my way inside where I was confronted.
"Oh! You must be my ten o'clock! I kind of thought you'd come in through a door. No matter. I'm Jan. Let's take a look around, shall we?"

Just as I had suspected. A new evil villain we had never encountered before: Goldjacket.

"Right", she said. "Now, as you can see, this is a large factory space. We're in the office area but you can see the factory floor area down below. You have a loading dock right over there. The plumbing was all recently re-done. It's ideal for the mass production of snack foods of course, but could be tailored for really anything. You know, what's really trendy is to take a space like this, put up some walls and make residential units. Like condos! What fun!"

I had heard enough.

"It was just a suggestiiiiiiiooooooooooonnnnnnn"

I figured the case was solved but when I got back to the Unbelieva-base, Jeff and Michael were not happy.Apparently, they thought my actions were "inappropriate" and that my logic was "flawed", "less than thoroughly considered" and "impossibly stupid". Long story short, I'm sort of suspended, relegated to menial office tasks for the immediate future. 

That's okay. I kind of think I need a rest.

Once Again, There's Potential Evil In Them There Sweets

A lot - and I mean a lot - can happen in just a couple days.

Jeff intimated about more doings with Twinkies and Company and what's come before. I can let you in on a couple "hints" of what's to come. Nothing concrete, but you'll have no doubt big doings are in the works.

Remember Clark's big reveal concerning incendiaries and other things that go boom on those boxes of Suzy Q's, Ho Ho's and Donettes? Well ... that's sort of the same situation here: The Powers That Be over there at the newly reconstructed company are attempting to inject monkey business into the soft cream filling of those sponge cakes once more.

And that's just not going to fly. What's failed before will fail again. The bad guys ... they just don't learn. They think they can just let a bad idea alone until it fades from memory and then << POW! >> they resurrect it for their evil intentions thinking no one will notice.

News Flash: The Unbelievables don't forget.

Wait for it. It's coming.

Meanwhile, I have to go clean up after Jeff. Yesterday was Tuesday ... and you know what that means.

Whipped potato day.

We really need to teach him to tone down the gluttony and utilize a little tuber restraint ...

 Evil. Times two ...

Update: Wait ... what? What happened with The Klumpmasterflash Twins, you squawked about last week Michael?

Things don't always work the way you'd think in The Unbelievables' world. Wrenches get thrown into the machine ... complications arise. All I can say is be patient. All will be revealed ... soon ...

The Sweetest Comeback Ever?

Sooo... I guess you're all aware by now that Twinkies, the nutritional equivalent of trucker hats, are back on the shelves in the good ole U.S. of A. Just when you thought it was safe to go down to the Kwik-E-Mart for a six pack of PBR and a cardboard tray full of flavoured sandpaper covered in tasteless molten yellow lava  serving of nachos, there's the box of nasty spongey things staring at you, just taunting you... "you want to buy me, don'tcha... you know you do... c'monnnn, just for old times' sake...". That's the LAST thing you want or need, and the last thing you should think about doing. 

Remember back last November when the Twinkies disappeared? We wrote about the whole sorry saga. Well, now they're back, saved from extinction by Apollo Global Management (Carl's Jr.) and Metropoulos & Co. (PBR, as it happens). At least, that's what they want you to think. We are keeping a very close eye on the affairs of Hostess, lest we suffer a repeat of last year's doings. Watch this space.