Unbelieva-Fever

How can anyone not love The World Cup's Fuelco The Armadillo?

Look: I'm just a humble observer.

A simple fan.

And, honestly, a rather recent one to The World Cup at that.

I'm not the consummate sports reporting professional Clark is when he's not pulling double duty as an Unbelievable. And I didn't grow up across the pond as fellow comrade Jeff whose "appreciation of football" - while inherent because of nationality - harbors the disenchantment of realism as noted in Wednesday's entry. (Not everything on television is as glamorous as one would think, I'm sure Jeff would say.)

Right now, I'm digging The World Cup. Yeah ... the rules are still a bit strange as to advancement into the upper tiers of competition. (Really? The United States advanced even though they lost on Thursday ... ?!? Apparently the old adage "You can't win for losing" doesn't hold water in The World Cup.)

But toss in the fact The Unbelievables are actively active in the tournament and you have to admit there's a whole new level of excitement! Unbelivievia is alive and well and headed for the knockout stages of competition! Thrilling! Chilling! Who'duh thunk it ... ?!?

Of course, it's impossible to predict the outcome of our efforts. I mean, in reality, we just put the team together and have had precious little time to "gel" into a well-oiled machine. But credit where credit is due: We're well advanced in our Group U and kicking balls!

Next up, as Jeff stated, is Brunei. They "supposedly" have some secret strategy to oust us from position but that remains to be seen. I'll have a special report next Wednesday after next week's match to update you on our status.

(Meanwhile, I can tell you Elton John masks are all the rage and selling like hotcakes courtesy of our fans finding out little pieces of our history as a football contender. International fandom is wild and wacky!)

And speaking of updates ... 

Suarez Update: Truth be told, I'm glad we got the chance to expose the devious football field shenanigans of Luis Suarez. I don't care who you are: There isn't any excuse for such behavior (or "behaviour" as Jeff might put it). Since last post, word has come down the daft athlete has been struck quite the disciplinary blow - a 9 game squelch as well as a 4 month ban from any football field. While that might seem harsh, The Unbelievables don't feel it's harsh enough. After all, the rogue has been punished for two other Hannibal Lecterisms: 7 and 10 game bans for like-minded toothy incidents. FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association) waffled originally when this latest travesty raised its ugly head and many wondered if it was going to do anything about it at all. (FIFA stumbles often when it comes to doling out punishment. And it does like its stars out on display, especially on the international front of The World Cup, where - unfortunately - Suarez is certainly one of those stars.)

Luckily, The Unbelievables were on the job at the time. Now ... what was done and how we did it can't be revealed. Ever. Because, well, no one - NO ONE - is allowed to fiddle with the governing body of such an organization as FIFA. The reasons are obvious. Strict impartiality must be in order so that the equal rules of play are maintained for everyone. But The Unbelievables have their ways of "getting things done" in order to see justice is meted out. Let's just say FIFA didn't want to bring down the hammer as hard as it did on Suarez (which, in our opinion, wasn't harsh enough). That's all I'm allowed to say.

Except of course: World (Cup)? You're welcome.
 
Oh ... all right. I will pass along one little tidbit from our Suarez investigation ...

It shouldn't come as any surprise this is Suarez' "hero" he looks up to and gleans inspiration from before each match:

SNAFUs, Foul-ups and Errors

We Unbelievables pride ourselves on being insanely good at crimefighting. It's true. We really are insanely good.
But by being insanely good crimefighters, we become susceptible to some common mistakes that make us actually less good at what we do. Trouble is, it's easy to commit them without noticing.

A great way to prevent yourself from making these mistakes is to become aware of them and to be able to recognize when you are doing them. But hey - that's easier said than done. It usually takes a good dose of Unbelieva-Zen meditation accompanied by a few Bahama Mamas from Red Lobster to do it. At least, that's what works for me.

Mm-mmmm.

The first of these common mistakes is…

Not Wearing The Right Gear

As crimefighters, it is easy to become focused on doing things faster and better so we sometimes forget the point of what we are doing. We use excellent time management tools to fill our schedules with activities and we use a system to get through our huge To Do lists we create for ourselves. Sorry, no, none of that's true. We are some of the most disorganised people we know. And that's saying something. However, we have a system, and 99% of the time, it works.

The problem that arises when you constantly focus on HOW to do things more efficiently (yeah, right) is that we can forget small yet important things, such as the right clothes for the job. Take this picture for an example.

This was the time we infiltrated a Latin American drug ring that were concealing the goods by stuffing them inside soccer balls that were being used by visiting minor league Colombian teams. We went undercover and donned traditional woollen ponchos. What we failed to remember is that soccer tends to be played 90% of the time in the rain, on a muddy pitch, and woollen garments tend to become waterlogged and weigh 400 pounds each. It was a rookie mistake, and no one Unbelievable was responsible for this error, except for Michael, whose idea it was in the first place. We still saved the day, but only after we had fought our way out from under the rain-sodden ponchos. Eesh.

The next mistake we've made is…

Multitasking


That cheesehead talking on the phone while typing an email on his BlackBerry all the while checking out the latest news on the TV has become the poster child for productivity. You might think to yourself, "Hey, that's cool, that's what I want to be able to do, I could get so much done!" Truth is, not only do most people not have enough stuff on their to-do lists to fill up even an hour of their day, but geez, that guy's a dork! Being able to multitask well seems to imply intelligence, but seriously, what's so great about it?
Research has shown that the human brain actually processes one thing at a time. If you are reading a magazine while chatting with your buddies and surfing the Internet, you are actually doing each of those activities one after another and not in parallel. In short, multitasking is a big fat lie.

Clark is one of those people that sometimes makes the mistake of trying to multitask, and somehow he always gets in trouble for it. For example...

Note: he was undercover as a neo-Nazi in this photo. Trying too hard.

The next mistake I shall focus on is...

Using Too Many Tools

OK, we admit it: we like bright, shiny objects.


When there is a new weapon, martial arts move, or shiny new gadget, we want to learn about it. The great thing is that they usually all have some intrinsic value. The problem is that there is a learning curve for each one and you spend a bulk of your time learning how it works as opposed to actually doing what you want to do. Take this new Swiss-Army tool as an example:

You wouldn't believe how long it took to learn what everything this handy-dandy item does. But when we finally got down to the nitty-gritty of every single gizmo and gadget on there and found that they neglected to put a USB stick on there... boy, did we feel foolish! Buyer beware!

Anyway, I'm sure that Michael will have more slip-ups and boobs for you next time. Till then...

Ciao!