Recipe For Love

You may have seen around th'Interwebs a phrase, an axiom or quote if you will, that goes along the lines of "Any man can love a thousand women, but a real man (or "rare guy" or "good man") can love one woman in a thousand different ways." While this is complete hokum, of course, with a little tweak it can be made into a serviceable adage for the ages. Simply substitute "woman/women" for "potato/potatoes" and there we have the perfect sign to hang above the ceramic hob.

Fellas, it all boils down to this - to get the ladies all steamed up, get to know the humble spud. If you can get to a level of ability in the kitchen that's even a fifth as good as my own when it comes to the pommes de terre,  then you will be surrounded by beautiful ladies from morning till night. It's a secret I learned from reading the chef's diary of legendary gourmet, bon vivant, and potato aficianado Chris P. Bacon, who died when attempting to get out of his well-worn bed in order to visit the kitchen and whip up a fresh batch of Murphys when the bed collapsed, entangling him and his two female companions in a heaving mass of silk sheets, continental quilt and coiled spring. The more they struggled to be free of the bed's metallic grip, the tighter the coils became, not to mention the splintered wood and nails flying all over the place. They were discovered three days later, all dead and contorted together with eerie grimaces on their faces, not to mention flecks of dried mash on their chins.

Unlike Chef Bacon, however, I practise moderation in all things - if I didn't, I'd be the size of a small hotel - but still live a life fully satisfied in the whipped potatoes dept. as well as the female companionship area.

See, the ladies can't resist a well-prepared spud. These pics should more than prove my point.

Oh yeah. She knows.

Fresh is always preferable, but the popularity of these items with the ladies kinda goes some way to proving me correct.

Whut?

But what I've discovered is that women will go to extreme lengths to pledge their allegiance to the humble tuber. Let's take these examples of women's garments which are freely available on the Web...

Oh wait, it gets worse (or better as the case may be)...

Wow.

Oh, hang on a min... I've just noticed Unbelievababe Sheila E. McEaston slipping in through the door of my boudoir, wearing nothing but a sly smile - which she flashed in my direction - and this item...

 

Ahem! Er, uh... goodnight all.

I Like Pipes

That Jeff! You gotta love'em!

Me? I'm the lone dissenter here. (Probably.) I simply don't think I have the wherewithal to put together a cookbook worthy of anyone's time or reading. (But I will tell you this: Jeff's delicious concoctions are first rate, regardless of the fact they're mostly potato dishes.)

My vanity project? Well ... that was my pipe project I put together quite a few years back.

The Department of Transportation was revamping a couple mile stretch of road in a sleepy little Southern California town (San Gabriel to be exact) and they had dug up a hefty bit of old sewage pipe from days gone by. The leaky stuff had worn out its usefulness and it was time to update.
 
I saw an opportunity. I grabbed my camera and got shooting.

The result? I have hundreds of photographs I plan on publishing in the near future, each one to be lovingly accompanied with captions. (I'd rather not reveal the captions here; I want that to be a surprise once the book is published.)

However, I'm happy to show you my efforts from walking up and down the street, crawling under and over and through metal piping, a little glimpse of what to expect. It's exciting stuff!

If this isn't a vanity project, I don't know what is!

You might wonder: What does this have to do with The Unbelievables?

NOTHING! These are our vanity projects. We have lives outside our crime-fighting do-goodery, you know! And this one, mine, is coming soon to a bookstore near you.

And ... I know! Hello! I'm champing at the bit to discover what Clark has in store for us Friday ... !!!

I Love Me Some Whipped Potatoes

So, guys? You're not keen on whipped potatoes, I get it! If only the fellas would let me demonstrate the fabulousness and the versatility of the whipped potato, I could transform their ill-educated palates and tired tastebuds! Whipped potatoes are just the beginning, my friends. Once you give in to the tantalising morsels I am about to show you, you will open yourselves up to a whole new world of flavor and piquancy. Prepare to be dazzled.

Gone are the days when whipped potatoes were just bland little side dishes like this...

Why, if you'd let me loose in the kitchen, chaps, you could be eating tantalizing delights such as this...

Apple bacon cheddar whipped potatoes!

Garlic whipped potatoes with gorgonzola piccante!

Chicken 'n' dumplins with whipped potatoes and green beans!

Sour cream and garlic whipped potatoes! (Recipe follows)

 INGREDIENTS:
5 pounds yellow potatoes, peeled and
cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/4 cup butter at room temperature
1/4 cup cream cheese at room
temperature
1/2 cup warm milk, or more as needed
1 tablespoon sour cream
salt and ground black pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
1. Place potatoes into a large pot and cover with salted water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.
2. Beat butter and cream cheese into the potatoes with an electric mixer until butter is nearly melted. Add milk and sour cream; beat until smooth. Season with salt and black pepper.

Simple but effective. Whipped potatoes with bacon.

Whipped potatoes accompanied by steak wrapped in Cabernet-soaked Morel mushrooms... drool...

Pan-seared salmon with wasabi whipped potatoes!

Sour cream and chive whipped potatoes with... whatever that is...

Whipped-potato-encrusted meatloaf!

And even - wait for it - whipped potato quesadillas!

Now come on, fellas - even dullards such as yourselves cannot fail to have their interest piqued by such high quality cuisine. Oh, and in case you thought I was forgetting something, how about some delicious dessert?

That's right - turkey cupcake with roasted garlic whipped potato frosting! It's like I've died and gone to heaven, it really is.

So... whaddya say!?