Recipe For Love

You may have seen around th'Interwebs a phrase, an axiom or quote if you will, that goes along the lines of "Any man can love a thousand women, but a real man (or "rare guy" or "good man") can love one woman in a thousand different ways." While this is complete hokum, of course, with a little tweak it can be made into a serviceable adage for the ages. Simply substitute "woman/women" for "potato/potatoes" and there we have the perfect sign to hang above the ceramic hob.

Fellas, it all boils down to this - to get the ladies all steamed up, get to know the humble spud. If you can get to a level of ability in the kitchen that's even a fifth as good as my own when it comes to the pommes de terre,  then you will be surrounded by beautiful ladies from morning till night. It's a secret I learned from reading the chef's diary of legendary gourmet, bon vivant, and potato aficianado Chris P. Bacon, who died when attempting to get out of his well-worn bed in order to visit the kitchen and whip up a fresh batch of Murphys when the bed collapsed, entangling him and his two female companions in a heaving mass of silk sheets, continental quilt and coiled spring. The more they struggled to be free of the bed's metallic grip, the tighter the coils became, not to mention the splintered wood and nails flying all over the place. They were discovered three days later, all dead and contorted together with eerie grimaces on their faces, not to mention flecks of dried mash on their chins.

Unlike Chef Bacon, however, I practise moderation in all things - if I didn't, I'd be the size of a small hotel - but still live a life fully satisfied in the whipped potatoes dept. as well as the female companionship area.

See, the ladies can't resist a well-prepared spud. These pics should more than prove my point.

Oh yeah. She knows.

Fresh is always preferable, but the popularity of these items with the ladies kinda goes some way to proving me correct.

Whut?

But what I've discovered is that women will go to extreme lengths to pledge their allegiance to the humble tuber. Let's take these examples of women's garments which are freely available on the Web...

Oh wait, it gets worse (or better as the case may be)...

Wow.

Oh, hang on a min... I've just noticed Unbelievababe Sheila E. McEaston slipping in through the door of my boudoir, wearing nothing but a sly smile - which she flashed in my direction - and this item...

 

Ahem! Er, uh... goodnight all.

Fun Is Our "In Tent", Geddit?

Rise and shine, campers! Time for another fun-packed day at Camp Unbelievable!

So Clarkito and The Mikester gave you a bit of info regarding what happens at Camp Unbelievable during the summer. But they didn't give you the full story. Oh, sure, they told you what you might find if you were to read the, ahem, prospectus...

The front cover.

But...


It is my job to provide the entertainment. After all, at the end of each day, our campers are tired yet happy after a day of merry adventures.

See? Tired yet happy.

 Clark mentioned some of our core programs, but we do also have some slightly more 'unusual' classes...

"How To Bring Down Giants"

"Hi-Fi Maintenance"

"The Coolness Of Scooters"

"Leaping From The Roof Of One Building To Another Just Like they Do In The Movies"

"More Scooter Coolness"

"Naked Christmas Decorations" (Michael's Idea)

"Nude Rowing" (Michael's idea again)

"Honey Hotrod Teaching Classic Car Maintenance" (Michael again... you sense a pattern here?)

 Anyway, they're going to want to wind down in the clubhouse (or outside, if it's fine) and be served up some top-notch entertainment and/or fun and relaxing activities. Such as...

Camp Unbelievable's very own heartthrob, Mr. Ellis Parsley. The resemblance is purely coincidental.

Partially-Clothed Bedtime Stories. (Michael's idea).

Re-enacting the Battle of New Orleans using Unbelievababes and Volleyballs (Michael sure has a lot of these ideas, doesn't he?)

Michael also ensures the safety and well-being of our campers by being fully proficient in First Aid and CPR. He also runs the on-site Pharmacy.

Pantsless, of course.

Sometimes we just get out the ol' stereogram and whack on a couple of party-type platters...

in order to shimmy the evening away. Except of course, on Tuesdays. As you know, Tuesday is always 'whipped potato day', and that means...

Walkmans for EVERYBODY!

Banish Those Bad Day Blues

The trouble with all this I Hate Mondays and Terrible Tuesdays malarkey is that it's all so misplaced. How can an arbitrarily named day possibly be any worse (or better) than any other day? I mean, they're just names, right? If the name makes the day bad, then change the name. Call it Monkeyday or Fartday or what have you. It makes no difference. A day is a day is a day.

I fail to see why anyone has trouble with Tuesday anyway, at least at the Unbelievabase. Tuesday is whipped potatoes day, as well you know. Whipped potatoes are love. Whipped potatoes are life. Nothing beats whipping up a big batch and sitting with a heaping bowl in your sun lounger listening to the mellow strains of Andre Kostelanetz or Julie London and just kicking back. That makes any day into a happy day.

Some people think Sunday's the worst. it's the day before Monday, there's jack squat on TV and things close earlier. Boooorring! Even that can be cured with whipped potatoes and appropriate music.

It seems music can make the whole day better. If you could pick the right song for the right time at a moment's notice, wouldn't that be great? We certainly think so. Which is why we have created our own online music service. It's called Unbelievify™ and it'll be going live soon. Here's a glimpse inside the Unbelievify™ studios.

Unbelievababes Helga, Heidi and Hildreth (all communications majors at their respective colleges) spinning discs on demand for your listening pleasure.

Yes indeed, soon you will be able to banish a bad day with a moment's notice, with Unbelievify™ as your aid. 
World? You're welcome.


P.S. Don't forget the whipped potatoes.

I Love Me Some Whipped Potatoes

So, guys? You're not keen on whipped potatoes, I get it! If only the fellas would let me demonstrate the fabulousness and the versatility of the whipped potato, I could transform their ill-educated palates and tired tastebuds! Whipped potatoes are just the beginning, my friends. Once you give in to the tantalising morsels I am about to show you, you will open yourselves up to a whole new world of flavor and piquancy. Prepare to be dazzled.

Gone are the days when whipped potatoes were just bland little side dishes like this...

Why, if you'd let me loose in the kitchen, chaps, you could be eating tantalizing delights such as this...

Apple bacon cheddar whipped potatoes!

Garlic whipped potatoes with gorgonzola piccante!

Chicken 'n' dumplins with whipped potatoes and green beans!

Sour cream and garlic whipped potatoes! (Recipe follows)

 INGREDIENTS:
5 pounds yellow potatoes, peeled and
cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/4 cup butter at room temperature
1/4 cup cream cheese at room
temperature
1/2 cup warm milk, or more as needed
1 tablespoon sour cream
salt and ground black pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
1. Place potatoes into a large pot and cover with salted water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.
2. Beat butter and cream cheese into the potatoes with an electric mixer until butter is nearly melted. Add milk and sour cream; beat until smooth. Season with salt and black pepper.

Simple but effective. Whipped potatoes with bacon.

Whipped potatoes accompanied by steak wrapped in Cabernet-soaked Morel mushrooms... drool...

Pan-seared salmon with wasabi whipped potatoes!

Sour cream and chive whipped potatoes with... whatever that is...

Whipped-potato-encrusted meatloaf!

And even - wait for it - whipped potato quesadillas!

Now come on, fellas - even dullards such as yourselves cannot fail to have their interest piqued by such high quality cuisine. Oh, and in case you thought I was forgetting something, how about some delicious dessert?

That's right - turkey cupcake with roasted garlic whipped potato frosting! It's like I've died and gone to heaven, it really is.

So... whaddya say!?