Recipe For Love

You may have seen around th'Interwebs a phrase, an axiom or quote if you will, that goes along the lines of "Any man can love a thousand women, but a real man (or "rare guy" or "good man") can love one woman in a thousand different ways." While this is complete hokum, of course, with a little tweak it can be made into a serviceable adage for the ages. Simply substitute "woman/women" for "potato/potatoes" and there we have the perfect sign to hang above the ceramic hob.

Fellas, it all boils down to this - to get the ladies all steamed up, get to know the humble spud. If you can get to a level of ability in the kitchen that's even a fifth as good as my own when it comes to the pommes de terre,  then you will be surrounded by beautiful ladies from morning till night. It's a secret I learned from reading the chef's diary of legendary gourmet, bon vivant, and potato aficianado Chris P. Bacon, who died when attempting to get out of his well-worn bed in order to visit the kitchen and whip up a fresh batch of Murphys when the bed collapsed, entangling him and his two female companions in a heaving mass of silk sheets, continental quilt and coiled spring. The more they struggled to be free of the bed's metallic grip, the tighter the coils became, not to mention the splintered wood and nails flying all over the place. They were discovered three days later, all dead and contorted together with eerie grimaces on their faces, not to mention flecks of dried mash on their chins.

Unlike Chef Bacon, however, I practise moderation in all things - if I didn't, I'd be the size of a small hotel - but still live a life fully satisfied in the whipped potatoes dept. as well as the female companionship area.

See, the ladies can't resist a well-prepared spud. These pics should more than prove my point.

Oh yeah. She knows.

Fresh is always preferable, but the popularity of these items with the ladies kinda goes some way to proving me correct.

Whut?

But what I've discovered is that women will go to extreme lengths to pledge their allegiance to the humble tuber. Let's take these examples of women's garments which are freely available on the Web...

Oh wait, it gets worse (or better as the case may be)...

Wow.

Oh, hang on a min... I've just noticed Unbelievababe Sheila E. McEaston slipping in through the door of my boudoir, wearing nothing but a sly smile - which she flashed in my direction - and this item...

 

Ahem! Er, uh... goodnight all.

It'll Be All White On The Night

White is an achromatic colour, a colour without hue. An incoming light to the human eye that stimulates all its three types of colour sensitive cone cells in nearly equal amounts results in white. White is one of the most common colours in nature, the colour of snow, milk, chalk, limestone and other common minerals. In many cultures, white represents or signifies purity, innocence, and light, and is the symbolic opposite of black, or darkness. According to surveys in Europe and the United States, white is the colour most often associated with perfection, the good, honesty, cleanliness, the beginning, the new, neutrality, and exactitude.

So while most of what the guys have had to say about the colour white these past few days is correct, I must rectify Michael's Monday assertion that the colour white is the absence of colour - indeed, nothing could be further from the truth. As stated above, it is a colour, but one without hue. It stimulates all our eye's colour receptors in equal amounts.  

However, the white colour on television screens and computer monitors is created with the RGB colour model by mixing red, green (not yellow) and blue light at equal intensities. Mixing red, blue and yellow pixels on a computer monitor will give you black, and it is the counter-intuitive red-green-blue that results in white. So we can say that all white in nature is created with red/blue/yellow, and white on TVs and monitors and iPhones etc. is the RGB combo. Savvy?

So what we can then extrapolate from this is that wherever Janus took White Boy on Sunday will stimulate the sensitive cones on his retina to a constant full amount (except at night) and he will consequently either learn to love the color white, become snowblind or go completely bonkers (but he was kinda nutty anyway).

What we can also say is that if you go into our kitchen here at the Unbelievabase and combine red, green and blue, you are likely to come up with something delicious, like this.

Which goes well with a White Russian.

And the soothing sounds of Polar Bears In Purgatory. Polar bears are white, after all. And so are the boys in the band, although not nearly as furry.

Hey, know what else is white? 

P.S. Notice how I wrote the word 'colour' with the English spelling about seventeen times in this missive? That's just my little joke on the guys, as they seem to think everything American is superior, including the American lingo. Ha ha!

Banish Those Bad Day Blues

The trouble with all this I Hate Mondays and Terrible Tuesdays malarkey is that it's all so misplaced. How can an arbitrarily named day possibly be any worse (or better) than any other day? I mean, they're just names, right? If the name makes the day bad, then change the name. Call it Monkeyday or Fartday or what have you. It makes no difference. A day is a day is a day.

I fail to see why anyone has trouble with Tuesday anyway, at least at the Unbelievabase. Tuesday is whipped potatoes day, as well you know. Whipped potatoes are love. Whipped potatoes are life. Nothing beats whipping up a big batch and sitting with a heaping bowl in your sun lounger listening to the mellow strains of Andre Kostelanetz or Julie London and just kicking back. That makes any day into a happy day.

Some people think Sunday's the worst. it's the day before Monday, there's jack squat on TV and things close earlier. Boooorring! Even that can be cured with whipped potatoes and appropriate music.

It seems music can make the whole day better. If you could pick the right song for the right time at a moment's notice, wouldn't that be great? We certainly think so. Which is why we have created our own online music service. It's called Unbelievify™ and it'll be going live soon. Here's a glimpse inside the Unbelievify™ studios.

Unbelievababes Helga, Heidi and Hildreth (all communications majors at their respective colleges) spinning discs on demand for your listening pleasure.

Yes indeed, soon you will be able to banish a bad day with a moment's notice, with Unbelievify™ as your aid. 
World? You're welcome.


P.S. Don't forget the whipped potatoes.

I Love Me Some Whipped Potatoes

So, guys? You're not keen on whipped potatoes, I get it! If only the fellas would let me demonstrate the fabulousness and the versatility of the whipped potato, I could transform their ill-educated palates and tired tastebuds! Whipped potatoes are just the beginning, my friends. Once you give in to the tantalising morsels I am about to show you, you will open yourselves up to a whole new world of flavor and piquancy. Prepare to be dazzled.

Gone are the days when whipped potatoes were just bland little side dishes like this...

Why, if you'd let me loose in the kitchen, chaps, you could be eating tantalizing delights such as this...

Apple bacon cheddar whipped potatoes!

Garlic whipped potatoes with gorgonzola piccante!

Chicken 'n' dumplins with whipped potatoes and green beans!

Sour cream and garlic whipped potatoes! (Recipe follows)

 INGREDIENTS:
5 pounds yellow potatoes, peeled and
cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/4 cup butter at room temperature
1/4 cup cream cheese at room
temperature
1/2 cup warm milk, or more as needed
1 tablespoon sour cream
salt and ground black pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
1. Place potatoes into a large pot and cover with salted water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.
2. Beat butter and cream cheese into the potatoes with an electric mixer until butter is nearly melted. Add milk and sour cream; beat until smooth. Season with salt and black pepper.

Simple but effective. Whipped potatoes with bacon.

Whipped potatoes accompanied by steak wrapped in Cabernet-soaked Morel mushrooms... drool...

Pan-seared salmon with wasabi whipped potatoes!

Sour cream and chive whipped potatoes with... whatever that is...

Whipped-potato-encrusted meatloaf!

And even - wait for it - whipped potato quesadillas!

Now come on, fellas - even dullards such as yourselves cannot fail to have their interest piqued by such high quality cuisine. Oh, and in case you thought I was forgetting something, how about some delicious dessert?

That's right - turkey cupcake with roasted garlic whipped potato frosting! It's like I've died and gone to heaven, it really is.

So... whaddya say!?