You probably noticed on Monday that one of the requests Michael was talking about concerned a lady who did not know what to fix her husband for dinner. Believe me, we get more and more silly requests from these unimaginative, non-creative people than you can shake a stick at (by the way, what kind of phrase is that, anyway? I mean, who are these people that just walk around with sticks in their hands, looking for stuff to shake them at? I'll tell ya who - old people, that's who. They're the ones with the monopoly on sticks and stick-shaking. And they're the ones that make up daft phrases like that, too, I'll bet.) and that is why I have taken it upon myself to publish a cookbook for all those thickies folks out there that might be incompetent a little lacking in the cuisine department.
Yes folks, for the rock-bottom price of only $29.95, you can own this indispensable guide to not making huge mistakes in the kitchen. You can learn:
- the mantra "If you got rice, you got dinner!"
- how to use burnt toast
- get creative with spaghetti hoops
- the other mantra "Canned mushrooms are your friend!"
- what to do with that 4-year-old jar of gherkins
It's true! For only six monthly payments of $10 inc. P&P, you can get your hands on a copy of this life-saving, meal-rescuing and money-stretching book, handsomely bound in filo pastry, full of tips and tricks to ensure you never go hungry again! Lots of your questions answered! For example:
- does yogurt ever really go off?
- does cheese ever really go bad?
- when does the 5-second-rule apply?
- my dog grabbed my steak and dragged it round the garden. Is it salvageable?
- what about blue cheese? Isn't that mouldy already?
And many more!
And the really great thing about this book is, it's made from Triscuits and Weetabix all smushed up together, so even if you try the methods outlined in this book and fail (which is virtually impossible) you can still make a delicious meal by covering this book in cheese and toasting it!
All profits of this book go to a worthy cause, namely, Marissa's Home For Wayward Showgirls.
And don't forget with every seven copies you order, you get one free! Christmas - sorted.
You're welcome, world.
(Offer not valid in KY, HI or MT. Allow 6 -8 months for delivery. )
That Jeff! You gotta love'em!
Me? I'm the lone dissenter here. (Probably.) I simply don't think I have the wherewithal to put together a cookbook worthy of anyone's time or reading. (But I will tell you this: Jeff's delicious concoctions are first rate, regardless of the fact they're mostly potato dishes.)
My vanity project? Well ... that was my pipe project I put together quite a few years back.
The Department of Transportation was revamping a couple mile stretch of road in a sleepy little Southern California town (San Gabriel to be exact) and they had dug up a hefty bit of old sewage pipe from days gone by. The leaky stuff had worn out its usefulness and it was time to update.
I saw an opportunity. I grabbed my camera and got shooting.
The result? I have hundreds of photographs I plan on publishing in the near future, each one to be lovingly accompanied with captions. (I'd rather not reveal the captions here; I want that to be a surprise once the book is published.)
However, I'm happy to show you my efforts from walking up and down the street, crawling under and over and through metal piping, a little glimpse of what to expect. It's exciting stuff!
If this isn't a vanity project, I don't know what is!
You might wonder: What does this have to do with The Unbelievables?
NOTHING! These are our vanity projects. We have lives outside our crime-fighting do-goodery, you know! And this one, mine, is coming soon to a bookstore near you.
And ... I know! Hello! I'm champing at the bit to discover what Clark has in store for us Friday ... !!!
