Jeff Didn't Tell Us He'd Be On Assignment ...

... Wednesday at The Unbelieva-Base ...

"Clark ... have you seen this?"

"What?"

"This note from Jeff. Well ... it's not a note exactly. It's a telegram ..."

"From Jeff?"

"Yep."

"Who sends telegrams anymore?"

"Jeff, apparently. But ... the weird thing is it's written as if it were addressed to the general public."

"How do you mean?"

"It says 'Hi folks ... Jeff here' ... and then it says he's on a 'secret mission' and the details will be revealed next week ..."

"Damn. That's really weird. And you say it's from Jeff?"

"Yep ..."

"Sounds fishy."

"You're telling me. A bit loosey goosey if you ask me."

"Kind of like when you answer the door without pants ..."

Be Safe Out There

 

 One of our many satisfied Unbelievatravel Tips end users.

Having read our Monday and Wednesday logs, quite a few of you out there have (some possibly valid) concerns:

"I'm supposed to remember all this?!? I want a relaxing vacation! I don't want to check a cheat sheet every 10 minutes to see if I'm vacationing right!"

You don't want to be this guy ... do you? 

"Cripes! It's easier to stay home on one of those so-called 'stay-cations' than follow some of your tips, UnbelievaGuys!"

"By the time I reserve a private jet out of safety concerns, my holiday nestegg is nixed!"

 By the same token, you don't want to be this gal either ...

"Clark's best basic tip regarding travel? 'Don't.' Hey ... I'm right there with him ..."

There are more ... but you get the idea.

Look folks: Just like living your la vida loca, everything mentioned is subject to your interpretation and level of comfortability. Deep down, you're going to do what you want when you venture off on that travel excursion. All we've done is provide you with a few pointers to give your respite a bit of added comfort, whether it be for the sake of fun or security. 

"I followed The Unbelievables' tips to the letter.

And what an enjoyable holiday I had!"

- Harriet Shoalwalker, private citizen and Instagrammer

Rest assured, however, that if you spurn any of the information provided and any of the aforementioned pop up you'll be slapping yourself for not taking our free advice. The Unbelievables are world travelers, you know - we've got more than a few miles beneath our belts! And in today's world it's best to play it safe and sane out there. Amateur hour is the best method of working yourself into some unnecessary dilemma. Really: Who wants that?

Yes ... The Unbelievables often need to go undercover when traveling.

We kind of stand out if we don't.

(Left to right: Jeff, Michael, Clark)

So ... traveling solo or with the whole fam damnly, with close friends or part of an entourage, do travel like The Unbelievables do. Safely. Sanely. 

Seriously: Clark's "take a train" tip is a good one.

This guy did. See how relaxed and carefree he is?

Don't make us come back and say "We told you so ..."

Unbelievatravel tips

Flight status: "AUUGGGH!!"

As summer approaches, so does the desire to travel abroad for vacations.
This poses some direct challenges to your safety.

"As terrorist attacks, political upheaval, and violence often take place without any warning, U.S. citizens are strongly encouraged to maintain a high level of vigilance and take appropriate steps to increase their security awareness when traveling." - U.S. Department of State

Terrorist groups have actually been getting in touch with us to express their concerns about this very matter.

"How are we supposed to kill people if people kill each other before they even reach their destinations? Look, we're terrorists and as reliably unreasonable as any group you're likely to meet, but some of these people are crazy!" - various terrorists

They're referencing a recent spate of incidents taking place on commercial airlines...

• United Airlines Passenger Is Dragged From an Overbooked Flight
• American Airlines investigates after video shows mom in tears
• Delta Kicks Family With Infant Children Off Flight
• ‘I’ll kill you!’ American arrested after brawling on flight from Tokyo.

So in the interest of public safety, here are some basic tips from us, your heroes, regarding travel.

1. Don't.
2. Okay, if you have to go somewhere, take a train. Incidents like these have stopped happening on trains since bandits stopped robbing them.
3. All right, all right. You can't take a train everywhere. Sometimes flight is the only way to reach your destination. In that case, take a private jet. Like we do.

The crew of the Unbelievajet, where every flight attendant is a captain and vice-versa.

Seriously, if you have access to a private jet staffed by your own hand-picked, expertly-trained flight crew, why wouldn't you travel that way everywhere, all the time? Duh.

The guys will be along later this week offering other tips, tid-bits and tip-bits.

Little things really do make big differences

Me and my Beard

Michael's right. Being an Unbelievable is an around-the-clock responsibility. It's not every day that someone tries to blow up the United Nations, but rarely does a day pass when someone doesn't need assistance.That means sometimes we have to step in on matters that might not seem as important, but on the grand universal scale, they really are.
A while back, I was dating a lovely young woman named Millicent Beard. She was a delightful debutante from Delaware. We'd often vacation with her family at their summer resort home on Pen Island. Pen Island was a wonderful place. I always felt at home when I was at Pen Island. To this day, I feel like it's almost as if a guy like me belongs at Pen Island. I would tease Millicent about it. "Thank goodness for my dear, sweet Beard; if not for you, I'd never be able to really enjoy Pen Island to the fullest." She'd tease back, "you know, I love it just as much as you do!" and I'd say, "I don't think that's possible!" Oh, how we'd laugh and laugh. Pity that it didn't work out between Millicent and I, but if I'm being truly honest, I miss Pen Island much more than I miss her. Oh well.
One morning on one of our frequent secret getaway weekends at Pen Island, I was sitting on the veranda, just enjoying the magnificence Pen Island offers when you first wake up. Millicent came running over from the barn, yelling, "Clark! Clark! Come quick! Hurry up already! Come!" I asked what the problem was and she said, "you have to help my Uncle Jack off a horse!" Well, of all the things I had planned for the day, helping her Uncle Jack off a horse was not among them! But the poor fella was stuck, through no fault of his own. These things happen from time to time. What could I do? When the love of your life (at the time, kind of) asks you to help her Uncle Jack off a horse, you help her Uncle Jack off a horse. It wasn't the first time I did something I never thought I'd do at Pen Island and it certainly wouldn't be the last... which is ultimately why Millicent and I broke up. But that's another story.

Pen Island: DAMN, how I miss this place!!