Blob blah blah

"It didn't take long before Clark came up with something that took the spin out of the situation's sails and put everything in perspective ..."

"Let's squish him", I said.

Jeff and Michael just looked at me. Eventually, one of them said "what?" and the other one said "huh?" I don't remember which said what. Or huh.

"Let's squish him! Let's run up from behind, leap into the air and land on him with all the force of our combined weight and flatten him right down to the floor. If he really is Mr. Blobby, it won't hurt him, on account of him being made of blob material", I explained patiently.
"And if he isn't Mr. Blobby?", Jeff queried. "What then?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. It could be cool."
"'It could be cool'?!?", Michael repeated incredulously. "That's your answer? How does that solve this case?"
I replied, "I'll be honest, I'm not sure what the case is at this point. We talked about RudeMan last week, and then we went to Qaqortoq, Greenland and we couldn't find him (although I did meet two nice girls there)

Aaruna and Batse. They're sisters!

so Charlie Sheen and Mr. Rogers got in a fight, with Charlie Sheen being in only slightly better health by virtue of not being declared legally dead yet and graffiti and mooning and now Mr. Blobby, I have kind of a short attention span and I'm already more than a day late with my chapter in the story so I thought maybe we could just wrap up the whole thing with a random act of violence and move on to something else on Monday, spending the remainder of the weekend doing Qaraoke in Qaqortoq with Aaruna and Batse."

Jeff and Michael looked at each other, frustrated with me and my lack of worthwhile contribution. That's when I said, "they have four more sisters, you know."

(L to R) Føbe, Gudrun, Ingka and Kaanaq with Aaruna and Batse (or is that Ingka, then Kaanaq...?)

Finally Michael announced, "I got dibs on all Journey songs!" and off we went.

So... The End?... I guess?

Is There Really A Blob On The Landscape?

You remember The Rather Sad Case Of Mr. Blobby, right?

In many ways it was one of The Unbelievables' most disturbing cases. Disturbing because it showcased the unfortunate mental breakdown of a character in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn't Mr. Blobby's fault he was inundated with some of the commentary surrounding him. "A metaphor for a nation gone soft in the head." "Proof of Britain's deep-seated attraction to trash." And these are some of the nicer critiques of the character. 

Put two and two together and you can see where this is leading: Original Mr. Blobby creator Charlie Adams.

"But ... he's dead," Jeff noted. And Jeff was absolutely correct. 

"A minor inconvenience," Clark offered. And it was.

We put two and two together once more and << VOILA! >>: Noel Edmonds of BBC's Noel's House Party where Mr. Blobby was first featured ... and as a regular (and annoying) character. He was behind all the shenanigans!

But I reasoned him out of contention: "The thing is, though, Edmonds is up there. He's in his late 60s. Add to that his real estate developments and previous and successful public career and he has no reason to perform any monkey business of the sort we're looking into, let alone with or as Mr. Blobby ..." The guys were in agreement.

And that's when the lightbulbs lit over all our heads: Previous Mr. Blobby protrayer Barry Killerby. We had our RudeMan!

Culprit?

"Wait ... him? He's RudeMan ... !!!???!?? But why ... ??? Or ... is he? And what does that have to do with Charlie Sheen if anything? Or painted graffiti 'member' on a wall with misspellings?!?" These were just some of the thoughts rolling around in our minds as we glanced at each other silently back and forth, thinking the obvious. (When something seems straightforward, we rarely have to speak out loud to make ourselves understood. It's a handy Unbeliev-ability.)

It didn't take long before Clark came up with something that took the spin out of the situation's sails and put everything in perspective ...

A Blob On The Landscape

Our search for RudeMan received a little boost this week after he apparently received our little note. Saturday morning we received a postcard with this picture on the front.

This was enough to make Michael spit out a chunk of Cabot Vermont Cheddar. (He says munching on it makes him feel smart. So there ya go.)

"Pp-p-pp-t-tt-tooey! Charlie Sheen? What th'...?"

"I'm guessing this is in response to Mr. Rogers," said Clark, guessing correctly.  

"Does it say anything on the reverse?" I enquired.

"Oh myyy," said Michael, flipping the card.

WARNING: What follows is probably NSFW, so we've censored it as much as possible without totally obscuring it.

"Wait just a second! Great Scott! Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle!" cried Clark. "I think this may be a clue!"

"Oh yeah, in what way?" I asked.

"Well, you should know, Jeff. It's something that happened in your homeland. I read about it on the wire last week!"

"Yeah?"

"This lady had graffiti spray painted on her outside wall that did not look too dissimilar to this one. Only in her case, there was a message accompanying it.

"What was the message?" Michael and I said.

"Wait, I'll pull it up on the screen. Ah, here it is."

Here's the link for you folks. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/vandals-spray-obscene-graffiti-womans-10135867

"Y'know, the phrase 'big black cook' may not be a misspelling. It's entirely possible it may be in code!"

We immediately set to with various methods of codebreaking, and after 15 minutes Michael figured out that it was an anagram of "GO KICK A BLOB,C?"

Could it be...

Surely not?

Unfortunately, Being Rude Isn't A Crime

Of course a trip to Qaqortoq, Greenland was in order. None of us had ever been ... and I would be willing to bet not a single one of our readers has been either, let alone heard of the place. 

Well, we looked around, asked the usual questions of the locals, did our due diligence ... and came up dry. You'll remember Clark pointed out RudeMan is "very good at disguising himself and travelling great distances" and we verified that right quick.

In fact, our research came up with zippo. Nothing. We didn't have a lead on the guy to save our lives. 

Then we got to thinking: What with Jeff noting RudeMan carries a pretty loyal contingent of followers who get off on carrying out various forms of rudeness - not to mention millions of others around the globe who do so naturally - it dawned on us we'd set ourselves an impossible task; not only was RudeMan true to his own nature, sneaky and virtually uncaptureable, his hordes would carry on his agenda even if was snagged.

Plus, the fact he hasn't - at least as far was we know - done anything illegal as of yet, it would be hard to pin anything on the cad.

So you see, there are things not even The Unbelievables can overcome, RudeMan being one of them.

That doesn't mean we won't keep our noses to the grindstone for this guy. In fact, on departure from Qaqortoq we left him a little note to get his goat. It looks a little something like this:

Welcome To Qaqortoq

First thing I did when I saw this little animated gif below was to hit Google Maps.

I immediately recognised the southern tip of Greenland. A few mouse clicks later, I had landed on the picture (now blurred by Google) of RudeMan in the picturesque harbour town of Qaqortoq, Greenland.

There he is, that little snot.

Qaqortoq is clearly one of his many and varied hangouts, and it's easy to see why - it's remote yet very pretty, so he clearly appreciates a fine view despite being terribly, terribly rude to all and sundry.

Hello, ladies!

A little digging around further on Google Maps turns up many instances of people doing rude things, so in spite of what was said on Monday, it's clear that RudeMan has an army of loyal followers ready to be rude whenever and wherever - and it's also clear that RudeMan and his tribe get a rise out of doing rude things for the cameras - especially the Google ones. Here's a selection of photos to prove it - and believe me when I say that these merely scratch the surface.

Mooning seems popular.

As does flipping the bird.

A couple of adventurous souls went further...

All in the name of mayhem. You'll catch your death!

And then there ae the truly inexplicable acts of vandalism, designed to confuse and perplex.

Oh, and more mooning.

As you can see, this is a global problem. He's not working alone, and has hundreds of naughty scamps working for him everywhere in order to annoy, confuse and infuriate. Let's see what can be done about it on Friday, shall we?

Can't explain this one,

The search for RudeMan

For some time now, there's been a bad guy out there for whom we've been looking. He's a bad, bad egg and he's done awfully terrible things. Fortunately... and unfortunately... none of them have merited an actual pursuit of a criminal investigation or charges. That means while he hasn't actually harmed anyone, he's out there, running wild and causing discomfort and annoyance (in lieu of actual criminal mayhem) all over the globe.
He's known for:

• Picking up items in the grocery store, deciding he doesn't want them, then just leaving them on whatever shelves are nearby.
• Playing his music at unreasonably loud volume.
• Getting off an elevator and just standing there so nobody else can get off or on.
• Not covering up when he coughs or sneezes.
• Dialing a wrong number and being abusive to the innocent person who happens to pick up.
• Not rewinding rented VHS tapes (I said we've been looking for him for a while).
• Driving in a lane that is clearly marked as "RIGHT TURN ONLY", going all the way up to the light and then trying to merge into the thru lane.

You might be thinking "lots of people do those kinds of things" and you'd be thinking wrong. Believe it or not, our investigation has revealed that it's actually one very busy guy who is very good at disguising himself and travelling great distances. Since the cops can't, and won't, pursue him, it falls on us to try to do so. He's hard to pin down. As such, we don't know his true identity and have taken to calling him RudeMan. But it appears that our Unbelievasatellite has tracked him down in whatever country this is...

Yeah, that's him all right,

He needs to be stopped. The guys will offer more reasons why and hopefully some plans on how to do that later this week. Stay tuned (please)!