We Get (Non-Sensical) Letters

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... the old mailbag. Always a source of entertainment ...

Unbelieva-Dudes: 

My favorite restaurant, McDonald's, is in trouble! (You guys are good dealing with trouble, right? I've heard it's what you do!) Sales have been declining for years! To stave the drop, the corporate heads have taken drastic actions! They're promoting breakfast anytime! They've reduced beverage prices! They currently hock multiple Big Mac sizes! They've even worked a twist on the timely Shamrock Shake, giving folks the choice of the tried and true product or a morphed chocolate/mint hybrid!

I do what I can - I'm a McGriddle fiend just about every day of the week and I "McNugget" Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (more when I'm able).

What can you guys do? Hurry!

Chelsea McDagget, self-proclaimed (and unofficial) McAficionado

Well, Chelsea, the McDonald's Corporation employs a team of big boys who know what they're doing, a bevy of professionals to work its marketing methodologies, cracker jack R&D teams to experiment with various selling strategies and plenty of promotional gimmicks at its disposal to use and reuse as they see fit.

So really: What can we do? Unless the McDonald's Corporation wants to throw some green our way to tap into our unique skill set, we're not inclined to lift a finger. And even if the burger giant did approach us, we'd have to think long and hard about doing anything for them.

Why? Because we're a big believer in The American Way. A tried and true entity that started from the ground up should work their own sort of magic regarding promotion and public awareness without outside meddling. Besides, McDonald's has been doing its thing as a franchise for the last 50+ years. They know what works and what doesn't.

The Unbelievables - fabulous as we are - isn't an organization who likes to get involved in things not in our, shall we say, "expertisial purview." To wit, burger slinging and McCaffinating the general public isn't our thing.

Slinging bad guys out a window by their keesters and wooing the ladies ("Hello, Ladies!") is our bent.

We're content to let McDonald's nuggets fall where they may. (Besides ... that Ronald dude is downright creepy.)

But ... thanks for thinking of us.

Little Golden Boy: Friend? Or Foe?

  
One of The Unbelievables most elusive and trickiest villains was a character who went by the name of Little Golden Boy.

Yes ... he often appeared as a small child of golden hue, almost always innocent-looking and kind to a fault. But he had his treacherous and cunning sides, too. 

Ever see the film Momento ... ??? Many was the time our capers involving Little Golden Boy would unravel in much the same way - backward and elusively. The clues to solving the cases were usually at our fingertips at the very beginning of an investigation; we weren't aware of such until knee-deep into surveillance and reconnaissance and after lots of finger pointing.

Little Golden Boy was one of those ne'er-do-wells who (like Leo Von Grunwald) was more annoying than dastardly. He was a mischief maker first and foremost. He once managed to delay countrywide shipments of Filet-O-Fish patties to McDonald's restaurants, causing an outcry from coast to coast to those practicing Lent. He successfully blocked one of Oprah's biggest television broadcasts, causing a panic in the streets of Chicago as a result. (See what I mean? Not exactly the devious doings of a crime-hungry bad guy.) 

Strangely, he's also passed along clues on other cases which have been instrumental in bringing some of our enemies to justice. Go figure. 

So is he friend ... or foe? All depends on the time of day with this little fellow.

The guys will fill you in on the weird goings on with Little Golden Boy. Just know going in this kid is a strange one.

(But you have to seriously ask yourself: Really ... what's the big deal nixing an Oprah show?)

"If I were a supervillain I think my crime spree would involve either stealing lots of donuts or just being really really bossy."

- Jerry Thomas