Something's Not Right: Case Closed (An Unbelievables Follow-Up)

Whoomp! There it is!

Yes ... The Unbelievables can carve another notch in their bedpost (metaphorically speaking) when it comes to cases closed.

And this win really needs to go to Jeff and his brilliant shout out of our allies Dynamo, Paul McKenna and Derren Brown.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of letting the bad guys know who they're going up against that sends them running.

In Professor Rob Ott's case, maybe it was the video of Dynamo traipsing across the Thames which got to him ... perhaps it was the shame he might have felt at indirectly being called "fat" by McKenna ... or maybe it was simply Brown's steely stare (with eyes shooting lasers) that elicited icy fear within him.

No matter the reason, a non-descript white envelope marked "The Unbelievables - Please Read" was left at our headquarters yesterday from Ott that relinquished any and all world domination tendencies he might have been seeking. The key words he used that widened our eyes upon reading the note? Shockingly, they were "I'm sorry."

You see ... villains never say "I'm sorry." Never ever. They could give a rat's ass if you know they're sorry or otherwise. They'd just as soon cackle evilly to your face than apologize. As a matter of fact, we haven't seen anything quite like this before in our crime fighting-history.

While were happy Ott has backed off his dastardly doings, we clearly are able to read between the lines. Ott's apology is simply a way for him to recede into the shadows and regroup to figure out how to combat what he cannot possibly overcome in the end: The Unbelievables' hefty arsenal of ammunition.

So ... with a simple "Case: Closed" we tuck this file into our cabinet, confident in the knowledge it isn't everyday we need to put on our best duds and enact mayhem upon creeps, quashing their public-threatening, selfish ways.

America? You're welcome.

P.S. Jodie Foster? We've seen to it she's getting the care she needs after her little Golden Globe tirade, induced by Ott's machinations. Rumor has it she's back on track and considering a couple high-profile scripts for her reintroduction back into the Hollywood fold. (Thankfully, the words "electric" and "boogaloo" are NOT in the titles of said scripts.

P.P.S. For shits and giggles, we decided to send a thank you to Ott in response to his considerate note ... and we included a copy of the Dynamo issue of Beano because we know this would strike an icy spike of fear in him. (When it comes to super villains, it's not enough to stick it to them - you've got to add a little twist for emphasis ...)

Something's Not Right - Act III

Yes indeed, something is definitely not right in Tinseltown. Clark has already let you all know about the re-emergence of Rob Ott (who now prefers to be known as Professor Rob Ott) and his cohort Holly Graham, whose alias, it can now be revealed, is that of one Anna McTronic, an ex-star pupil of Ott.

When Clark says it seems that Ott and McTronic have kidnapped all of Hollywood  he has hit the nail on the head. Almost. It seems that some glitterati have escaped their snares, and have actually been savvy enough to come to us, the Unbelievables, for assistance. A couple of them are on the horn to us right now, as I write this, spilling everything they know about these special-effects fiends - locations, methods, how they avoided capture, the lot.

What is their purpose? Who knows. But I betcha dollars to donuts it's got something to do with the age-old 'taking over the world' thing. I know Professor Rob Ott has sworn vengeance on Disney, but using all of Hollywood? If you only wanted to bring down Disney you wouldn't have to go to such great lengths. Nope, I'm pretty convinced that once Hollywood fell under the spell of Ott and McTronic they would be brainwashed. Brainwashed into doing and saying things they wouldn't normally do in order to influence the younger generation, who in turn will become an unstoppable army, marching on Washington, kicking out all the politicos (actually, we can kinda get behind that one), launching missiles willy-nilly and bringing about the Rob Ott Apocalypse. Now that we gotta stop.

But how are they brainwashing the stars? How is it that giants, legends even, such as Jack Nicholson, Clint Eastwood and Keanu Reeves are finding themselves under the Rob Ott influence? Simple. 

They have working for them the following people: Kreskin, Uri Geller, David Blaine, David Copperfield, Banachek and Max Maven (the man with the best goatee ever, I mean you gotta see this thing!)

See?

With these six hypnotists at his disposal he has made short work of the entire Hollywood community. But have no fear folks. We Unbelievables are equally well-prepared to un-hypnotise the stars, for we have three, count'em, three big guns in our arsenal (aside from all the big guns in our arsenal, if you know what I mean - but that's a story for another time) - Derren Brown, Paul McKenna and Dynamo!

Dynamo, as you may be aware, is not only capable of performing illusions that make you go "What the...?" on a daily basis (such as walking across the Thames),




 but has also been the subject of a comic strip himself, making him practically a superhero in my book.

Paul McKenna is able to convince people to be better than they already are by the use of auto suggestion and neurolinguistics, and his books are runaway bestsellers.

And Derren Brown is able to control people's minds, pure and simple.

So with these guys on our side, we should have this whole thing wrapped up by next week. Right guys?

Something's not right (part 2)

Michael's right, it isn't pretty. In fact, it's downright disturbing. We can't quite connect all the dots just yet, but it would definitely appear that an enemy we had previously defeated (and frankly, forgotten), Dr. Rob Ott, has resurfaced and significantly elevated his threat level.

Some background: when Walt Disney opened his first theme park back in the 50's, Ott had been chosen to oversee The Hall of Presidents exhibit. However, he was fired and subsequently banned from all Disney properties forever before the park even opened. You see, Ott's creations, unlike the animatronic devices eventually used in that attraction, had the ability to roam about freely, initiate conversations (as opposed to reciting a scripted speech), make decisions and generally exercise free will. During a preview performance prior to the opening of Disneyland, some of Ott's presidents demonstrated tendencies to improvise inappropriately. In particular, "Abraham Lincoln" spewing a stream of racial slurs, "Franklin Roosevelt" dancing The Lindy Hop and "Calvin Coolidge" teaming up with "Andrew Jackson" to do unspeakable things to "William Howard Taft". Naturally, this horrified Walt Disney and he immediately ordered Ott's dismissal and banishment. Embarrassed, Ott immediately swore revenge and dedicated his life to fulfilling that promise.

Some years later, Ott surfaced with the intention of making good on his threat. He did so by kidnapping the beloved comedic actor Steve Martin and tried to destroy Mr. Martin's reputation by replacing him in Hollywood with the "Stevebot-9000". We were able to thwart this plan just prior to principal photography began on "Bringing Down The House 2", destroying the Stevebot-9000 and Ott's laboratory and rescuing Mr. Martin. We thought that was the end of it.
 


The demise of the Stevebot-9000 allowed Queen Latifah to
appear in "The Cookout". So yeah, not a totally happy ending.

However, after watching the surveillance video unearthed by Michael (and the severely out-of-character behavior of Miss Jodie Foster, trust me {wink}), it's pretty clear that not only has Ott returned, still hellbent on exacting revenge on Disney, but that he's joined forces with the nefarious Holly Graham (the twisted mastermind behind "Tupac's" posthumous "performance" at Coachella) and together, they have kidnapped all of Hollywood!

This sounds like an impossible case to solve... or in other words, another day at the office for The Unbelievables. I'll let Jeff tell you all about how we're going to shut this one down.

Something's Not Right

Just because it's a new year, don't think the bad guys have decided to take a much-deserved break.

And ... don't for one minute think The Unbelievables are doing same.

The world is a very strange place, filled with very strange things. To the untrained eye, some of those things might appear as a quirk or kink of someone's mind ... 

...or a momentary bout of confusion ...

... mayhap a slip of the tongue or the unexpectedly caught sight of a squirrel ...

... Grease on the small screen zipping by as you're channel surfing, forcing you to snap back to that station and waste an hour of your life watching it for the umpteenth time instead of doing something important.

No. The Unbelievables know better than that ... much better.

We know there was a reason Quentin Tarantino waited for the camera to turn on him, the very instant he swigged champagne and spit it out for millions to see during Sunday's Golden Globe awards ceremony.

We know there was a reason Will Ferrell was forced to make the opening speech he did at same.

We know there's a real reason behind George Clooney subbed for an "ailing" Meryl Streep who was "under the weather."

And we know, most diabolically of all, there's a clandestine account why Jodie Foster was coerced (possibly blackmailed) into making the following highly circuitous and disjointed speech during the awards:



And there's more, too. Much more. 

But fear not: The Unbelievables are on it. And we're going to open the door on the reasons for all these weird happenings. And quickly. 

You, the trusting public, deserve to know. 

Hold onto your hats: It might not be pretty ...