Letter ... (I only got one)

"Dear Unbelievables,
    I was never much of a fan of either David Bowie or Prince. I liked some of their songs that I would hear on the radio but that was it. But since they've both passed away, I've been exposed more in-depth to them and their talents and now I feel like I've missed out on some really great music. I know you stylish gents have your Lobster Rage Fist fingers on the pulse of popular culture, so please tell me what future great musical artists are coming down the pipe so I don't miss out again!
Sincerely,
Unbelievably Unfulfilled"

Well, there's never going be another David Bowie or Prince. That's why they were who they were; because nobody else could be.
But I hear what you're saying. Fortunately, you have come to the right place to ask this question. Unfortunately, the music industry no longer seems to have much interest in grooming young artists for the purpose of long-term careers whose art develops and evolves over time. Prince had put out four albums before he appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Now, a top ten single "earns" that honor. And within a couple of years, that same "artist" is lucky to get booked at your nearby mall.

"My rider specifically states that Orange Julius is not allowed to make noise by operating their blenders at top speed when I am on stage, goddamnit!"

Plus, predicting the long-term prospects for performers is an extremely dicey endeavor. There are simply too many random factors (luck, ability, luck, timing, luck, personality, luck, prevailing trends in pop culture, luck, luck and luck) to approach it scientifically. However, we can tell you who not to look out for...

The New Minty Twistryls

Formerly known as "The World's Only Christian Metal Folk Trio plus Four". They might actually be kind of talented but it's just not worth the effort to find out. Plus, who would want to attend a concert where fans of this kind of music might show up?

Wreckidge

Good news: They actually play instruments
Bad news: They're all bassists

Air Ship

"We are... Air Ship"
You mean like a dirigible?
"No man, like a ship from the water that flies up in the sky!"
Like a flying boat?
(Brief huddle) "We are... Flying Boat"

The Bryk Wallz

All right, let's hear your music.
"Umm, can't you just see how cool we are?"
Yes, that's fine. But we want to hear your songs.
"All right. Let us go get our music things out of the van." (sound of a van starting up and driving off)

Flying Boat

Okay. Got it. Thanks.

Don't get us wrong; all of these bands are probably going to be huge stars (at least for a little while). But you shouldn't waste your time trying to find the next David Bowie or Prince among them. Sorry for your (our) loss.

Bands no longer on the run

No doubt you remember our brief side-project punk band, the "Turds Of Misery" as well as our association with ultimate rock frontman Freddie Mercury of Queen along with sharing our tastes in all kinds of popular music. Well, what you may not know is that The Unbelievables are not the only crime fighting organization with ties to the world of music. You would probably be downright shocked to find out just how many popular bands and musicians are actually deep under cover in their own pursuit of truth, justice and all the various sundry items that follow. Here are just a few, all no longer active for any number of reasons because of course we're not going to blow someone's operation, duh. But these are all very successful entertainers whose records you no doubt own, and even more successful good guys.

Phillip, Frank, Dan and Gary. These guys weren't investigators or fighters but were absolutely unparalleled when it came to interrogation. I can't really describe their signature technique but if you ever found yourself on the wrong end of it (so to speak), it's unlikely you'd ever forget it. They also relied on a variation of the classic "Good Cop/Bad Cop" scenario, making it more like "Good Cop/Bad Cop/Eh-He's-Okay Cop/Dear-God-No!-Why?-WHY?!? Cop"

Oh wait. I might have spoken too soon. These guys (from L to R: Teddy, Gary, Wayne, Roger and Goob as 'The Goobster') were good at their jobs and fine musicians but they were assembled during the Nixon administration to infiltrate and report on Native American organizations, and that was all very...unfortunate. This was, to say the least, not a well thought-out plan and the less said about it, and them, the better.

Ah yes, "The Squeaky Clean Teen Machine". This was kind of a "21 Jump Street" deal, where these crimefighters relied on their unusually youthful appearances to work their way into high schools and get beat up a lot. Hard to believe that of these four (from L to R: Gary, Alana, Jimmy and Claire), Jimmy was the youngest at 35 when this picture was taken. They had a long run... maybe too long. Time caught up to them and was not kind, as seen below.

From L to R: Gary, Claire, Alana and Jimmy, who had somehow become two years older than everybody else in the band (and Jewish) when this photo was taken, by which time their ability to pass as teenagers had almost completely disappeared. Except for Claire. In adult films.

There are so many more. The fellas will fill you in later this week.