Unbelieva-chillax-a-haiku

Clark told you all on Monday about his way of relaxing - meditation and haiku. Fair enough. I like poetry. But I find the best way to take my mind off the stresses and strains of being part of an amazing triumvirate - that is, being an Unbelievable -

is to combine the meditating and the haiku-writing with some other relaxing pursuits, or even to write about the relaxing pursuits while doing the relaxing pursuits (with me so far? Good.).

So, what do I find relaxing? So glad you asked. Below are some examples of my craft - poems written while engaged in one or more of the relaxing pursuits I mentioned before. (Confused? Don't be. It will all become self-explanatory.)

1 - BOOZE

To be Frank Gifford

So effortlessly stylish

Dry Sack On The Rocks

Charlie Brown's hero

Water, Barley malt, Rice, Hops, Yeast

Taste IS why you'll switch

2 - MASSAGE

Dude, I think you should

Climb on top of my shoulders

Wearing a towel.

Foxy lady on

A big leather couch, listen

While I knead your spine.

Ultrasonic thing

Invented by Japanese

Water massager.

The Vita Master

Lots of rollers go around

And rub my sore back.

3 - COCKTAILS

(Ok, I know that's still technically booze, but I got a load of these.)

Lemon juice, white rum

Passion fruit juice, add crushed ice

Sugar syrup. Drink.

How I miss those days

When your local liquor store

Carried Black & White.

4- LONG HOT BATHS

Oh, to drift away

In glowing pink hot water

A big wet disco.

5 - ANIMALS

More like animals

Is what we should strive to be

They know how to chill

6 - LADIES (HELLO, LADIES!!)

Pretty young woman

With two cases of Molson

Prithee, come hither

7 - ICE CREAM

I'd like to consume

Many bars of delicious

Korean ice cream.

8 - FUNKY FURNITURE

Michael's room is filled

With weird chairs and strange sofas

They're really comfy.

9 - WATER

Splashing around in

A giant fountain is fun

When I'm in London.

Hope you enjoyed my poetic efforts. Let's see how Michael fares on Friday.

The reason for speed

The benefits of doing everything with speed are self-evident. Speed means fast means effective. The quicker we can resolve one issue, the quicker we can devote our attention to the next. If this were all written out like a formula on a laboratory chalkboard, way down at the bottom right corner you'd see "= Duh!".
Of course we as kick-ass crimefighters appreciate and embrace anything that speeds us up, but don't forget that our kick-ass-ed-ness is only one facet of The Unbelieveables. We're also stylish gents and certain aspects of our lifestyle do not benefit from speedy execution.

Notice how microwave ovens do not have a "FONDUE" setting

Basically, we embrace speed and doing things quickly so we can greater appreciate that which occurs at a more languid pace.

Sure, a jaunt through the country in an extremely fast car can be almost as much fun as a slow and leisurely tour, but where is the young lady supposed to sit?

A hot-oil massage delivered in a hurry? Not unless your lover is into grease fires, chum.

And of course, when it comes to the making of the love... well, actually, that's a poor example; there's really no good reason not to just take care of business and get back out there on the streets lickety split (so to speak). You're a busy guy! She'll understand. Probably.