We Get (Autumnal) Letters

It's not often I get irritated by letters. Usually I'm a very patient man, the other guys will be quick to verify. But sometimes the quality of the letters we receive declines sharply.

Here's a couple examples:


Hey Unbelieva-lads, 

Costume parties are a 'thing' this time of year. What's your best advice on home-made costumes? 

Francis Enstein
Acme, LA

What?!  Didn't we cover that topic more than adequately a bunch of times before? Most recently a couple weeks ago? NEXT!

Hey Jeff, 

What are your favourite recipes for a fall party?

Dr. De'Ath

Tucumcari, NM

Oh, do come on. This is old hat, surely.

Dear Jeff,

Any suggestions for cocktail recipes for an autumnal shindig?

D. Racula

Isabel, ND

WELL! Now you're talking. Here's a couple I've found to be winners at previous parties...

PUMPKIN KISS SHOT

Ingredients: 

1 oz. cream

1/2 oz. Pumpkin King Cordial

1 tsp. Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate mix

Method:

Pour the cream into a glass, then layer the Pumpkin King cordial on top. Add the hot chocolate mix and give it all a good stir. Some of the chocolate mix won't dissolve, but that makes for a cool effect with little bursts of chocolate in each sip.

BEST EVER MULLED SCRUMPY

Ingredients
2 litres good-quality traditional hard cider
6 cloves
3-4 star anise
¼ nutmeg , finely grated into the pan
1 cinnamon stick
1 vanilla pod , halved
1 orange , juice of
2 clementines, juice of
1 pomegranate, juice and seeds of
4–5 tablespoons caster sugar

Method

Pour the cider into a large pan on a low heat and let it warm through for a few minutes. Add all the spices and juices and turn the heat up. Once boiling, turn down to a simmer and leave to tick away for 5–8 minutes.
As everything infuses you’ll get delicious layers of flavour. Taste it and add sugar as you like. You don’t want it sweet; you just want the sugar to join the spices in a harmonious taste. When you’re happy with the flavours, ladle into glasses or mugs and serve warm.

Hi Guys, 

How do you like my koala costume?

Wolff Manne

Mashpee, MA

That's it. I'm out.

Playing By The Rules, With Odd-Shaped Balls

Well, the guys have expounded at length regarding the game of Unbelievaball. In fact, they've said so much about the game and how it should be played in a gentlemanly rather than violent fashion, how there are three teams rather than two, and generally every other aspect save how the game is played. Yes, the rules. 

The rules are fiendishly simple, yet simply fiendish.

As you know, there are three teams of three. Let me use a simple diagram to illustrate the layout of said game.

As you may expect, in a game with three teams, there are three sides to the pitch. In the center of the pitch is a large circular "goal", itself divided into three sections. 

The players stand as illustrated - two at either end of the "home line" and the third defending their section of the goal.

The ball itself is deliberately odd-shaped.

It may only be handled with the hands, head, chest, elbows, knees or groin. No kicking is allowed.

GAME PLAY

As you might expect, the game has three periods which are called "thirds" (duh). Each third is thirteen minutes long.

At the beginning of the game, the first shot is made by the team that wins a tournament of rock/paper/scissors.  The first shot is made by the person on the left side of the "homeline".

The objective is to deposit the ball safely in one of your opponents' goal sections, scoring you one point. However, as game play progresses, if one team seems to have a larger-than-normal advantage in the scoring stakes, the other two teams may decide to 'gang up' on them and work together to block their shots. This is made all the more difficult as gameplay progresses, due largely to the requirement to take a drink after each goal is scored, as well as the fact that 'goalies' can only use the backs of their hands to deflect the ball. Also, goalies are expressly forbidden to knock the ball into the opposing goals themselves - only the two players on the "homeline" are allowed to score. If a goalie knocks it in, it is disallowed unless they accidentally score an 'own goal'.

Between each 'third', teams are required to down at least two cocktails before resuming gameplay. Also, players are required to rotate between thirds so that every player gets a turn in each position. 

Also, trash talking is completely forbidden. Instead, withering sarcasm and dry wit are used.

At the end of the third 'third', the winner is obviously the one with the most points, as long as they can still say 'rubber baby buggy bumpers' six times fast. In the event that they can't, the winner is the one who looks better in slacks.

After the game, all players must strip off and head to the hot tub.

Move aside, Quidditch.

St. Pat's - Like Christmas (with more booze and slightly less crying)

"Hello yerselves, ye Unbelievalads!"

The guys are right; St. Paddy's Day is often the inspiration for our most raging ragers. This year is no exception. We can't share ALL the raucous details with you but we did catch some highlights on video and after some heavy editing (for the sake of those with delicate sensibilities), we can share them with you

(NOTE: You are reading this entry in real time because this all happened last night; as is the case with almost everything we do, we start early and go late. Hello ladies!).

Please click below to enjoy some of the Unbelievably unhinged debauchery from this year's celebration of everything green, Irish and green, starring me, Jeff and Michael and featuring Kip the Mail Boy and Ulf the Unbelievadog!



(NOTE to criminals, mastermind class or otherwise: Please don't do anything illegal until Monday. Thanks.)

St. Pat's - Like Christmas Without The Annoying Family Members

I apologise profusely for the lateness of this post. In my defence (and I think it's a good one), I was limbering up with the guys in preparation for that oh-so-special day on the Unbelieva-Calendar. Yes folks, this year St. Patrick's Day falls on a Friday. So what, you say? Well, if it falls on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, it's just one night of debauchery and drinking heavily. But on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday, it means an entire weekend of debauchery and drinking heavily! So in order for us to get into shape for the upcoming pseudo-Irish shenanigans, we spent Saturday night and all of Sunday getting debauched and (regretfully) whammoed.

Yes, in terms of partying, St. Pat's in the UnbelievaBase is second only to Christmas in terms of consuming mass quantities of alcohol.

I'll let the guys tell you some of our secrets to making sure your St. Paddy's Day weekend is as wild and outrageous as you want it to be, and still allow you to arrive at work bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Monday morning.

Not quite what I meant.

That's better.

St. Pat's is of course well known in the good ole U. S. of A. as the one day of the year when consumption of all things green goes through the roof. By which I don't mean cabbage and green beans, etc., but green alcoholic beverages. Beer gets colored green, sales of Midori skyrocket and Apple Martinis flow like the wide, wide Missouri. So here's my contribution to our mini-guide to St. Patrick's, a fabulous Melon Whiskey Sour.

1 part Jim Beam Jacob's Ghost White Whiskey
2 parts Melon Midori
2 parts sweet and sour mix
(optional) 1 part ginger ale- this will make it a little less strong
about 6 frozen honeydew melon balls (made with a melon baller)

Put the melon balls in the freezer for about an hour. 

Shake with ice.


Before pouring, I put one big square ice cube at the bottom of each glass, followed by 3 frozen melon balls, then pour cocktail and enjoy. 

We Have Fought For Our Right To Party

Hello folks!

Just wanted to leave a quick note that we're off for a few days over the holiday season. I was going to say that we are off on some tip-top-secret assignment but that would be an utter lie. Truth is, we've had so many invites to cocktail soirées, dinner parties and collegiate keggers this year, we've decided to forgo the annual spiritual renewals, hatha yoga retreats and muesli farming weekenders in favour of eating and drinking and partying waaaay too much. We figure we've done a lot this year and we deserve the chance to kick back and enjoy ourselves like regular shlubs.

So it's good bye to this:

The gang at Camp Crystal Reiki last year. Fun bunch.

"Where are the Unbelievables?"

and hello to this:

Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!

Sandra got a new Hostess trolley, look!

Giles and Sue's cocktail-o-rama!

The McGillivray's Cheese 'n' wine festival.

Christmas with the Kitsch Bitsch...

World-O-Cheesy-Puffs Xmas X-travaganza!

We will post updates on our party progress as and when we have the time (and are sober enough). Feliz Navidad, y'all!

P.S. We have been asked via email what we are getting Kip The Mail Boy for Christmas. Well, he's been bugging us for months about this...

..so we might just get him a book token.

Cheers!

As one third of The Unbelievables, for me half the fun of the cooking process leading up to Thanksgiving itself is the socialization. The preparation of all things edible demands discussion ... suggestion ... and the display and implementation of the vast knowledge gained during comestible formation. (More fun? Passing along some of those culinary tricks and recipes, too.)

While Clark got us stuffed and Jeff breaded us, in the same (sort of) vein it rests on my shoulders to put the cheer in everyones' "Cheers!"

Yep ... I'm talking cocktails.

Sure, you can uncap your favorite brew or pop the cork on a bottle of wine, but where's the adventure in that? With a minimal of effort you can put a few imbibical concoctions to task and wow guests who have gathered in your home to mooch a free meal! Added bonus! The processes involved in putting these aperitifs together are so simple even our "directionally challenged" foes can whip them up. Here we go ...

Sangria. Who doesn't like sangria? (No one I know of.) It's a no-brainer to elevate this popular fruity wine into a tasty cocktail ...

Ingredients:
Carlo Rossi Sangria (Available in various size bottles as well as humongous jug containers practically guaranteed to prevent running out!)
Squirt
orange juice
crushed ice
fruit garnish: slices of orange / lime / lemon, strawberry or, really, whatever trips your fancy

Directions: Into a tall glass with ice, fill 3/4 full with sangria. Add Squirt and orange juice in equal measure to top off the glass. Stir. Add fruit garnish directly into mix. (Or get all fancy and arrange on the glass rim. Fancified!) Makes 1 serving. You can also make a full pitcher (or more!) portioning the ingredients accordingly.

Ginger Cocktail (Not for redheads only!) Perfect for Thanksgiving, the night before Thanksgiving, during dessert, Black Friday morning inspiration, whatever.

Ingredients:
2 fresh cranberries, washed and patted dry
2 pieces crystallized ginger
2 ounces chilled cranberry juice or its varieties
Chilled prosecco or champagne

Directions: Add cranberries and ginger to decorative champagne flute, add cranberry juice. Top with prosecco or champagne. Makes 1 serving.

Classic Cape Codder

Ingredients:
6 ounces chilled cranberry juice
1 1/2 ounces vodka
1 lime wedge

Directions: Pour liquids into a tall glass filled with ice. Squeeze lime into mixture and stir. Makes 1 serving.

See? Incredibly simple stuff. You'll be a hero! And ... ply your guests (or that annoying relative who does nothing but complain) with enough pre-dinner drinks and they'll forget all about the fact you forgot to make a green bean casserole with those crunch onions on top.

Skoal! 

And Happy Thanksgiving from The Unbelievables ... !!!