Back To Reality

You know, coming down from a marathon Virtual Reality session high is weird. It took a few hours to adjust to actual reality. There were a few jumpy moments when we were convinced we'd be set upon by old foes or zombies if we went to the bathroom, but we're OK now. What put us right, in the end, was being forcibly removed from the house by Kip on the promise of a slap-up breakfast.

So we five (including Ulf the Unbelievadog, natch) piled into the 'Vette and headed to one of our favourite breakfast joints - a greasy spoon by the name of Doozer McGoozer's on the northeast corner of Richard Simmons Blvd. and Alcopop Ave. in downtown Stiletto Flats.

We were immediately seated in our favourite booth and to begin the restorative process, Kip ordered multiple jugs of hot fresh coffee, which we slurped at maniacally while perusing the menu.

I say menu, but in fact there is no written menu. All one has to do is wet a finger, swab it on the table and have a taste, and you'll know what's been recently ordered. 

"Mmm", I said, "Crab omelette with avocado, home fries and a side order of sour cream and salsa. That sounds excellent. I'll have that, with wholemeal toast, if you would please, Doozer."

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and if you even want to stand a chance of coming anywhere close to being as Unbelievable as we Unbelievables are, you'd better make sure not to skip your brekky.  An overwhelming percentage of my favourite meals have been breakfasts. For example:

There was the time I needed a quick and easy breakfast while on a vital recon mission in Mukilteo, WA, so I popped into  The Stak-A-Takk and ordered their Spam Scramble. Oh yeah.

Then, while on a vital international recon mission in Kyoto I popped into Fuji's FryUps and ordered the Spam and egg sushi. Delish.

There I was in Tinseltown on a recon mission and feeling peckish, so I popped into Dynamo Dan's Cafe for the Spam-Steak Hero Baguette. Oh yeah.

There I was on a vital recon mission in the International District of Vancouver BC. I popped into Kooky's Korean Kitchen and ordered the Korean Spam Rice Bowl. Oh yeah.

You've heard of the whole umami thing, right? The combination, which would appear to be counter-intuitive, but is actually right on the money, of sweet things counterpointing salty ? Well, one time while on a recon mission in Llandudno, Wales, I popped into Blodwen's Blowouts where they serve Spam and Eggs Benedict with avocado on a cinnamon bun. Oh yeah.

  
So this prompted a conversation about our best breakfast ever, and the guys' answers, I think you'll find, are both surprising and intriguing. Challenging, even.

Find out more on Wednesday!

Sorry For The Delay...

~~~continued from where we left off~~~

"Guys! Guys, wake up!" I thought I heard Kip say.

Kip? KIP? Kip who'd been revealed to be a robot driven by the foul preschooler Petit? Why would I be hearing his voice, considering we were on an old movie set doing battle with dozens of past foes, next to the burning remains of a cushty Renault Espace?

As Clark, Michael and I dispatched villain after villainess, goon after goonette, henchmen after henchwoman, we all turned as we heard it again.

"C'mon now guys, time for breakfast!"

"How curious", I thought, and I could tell the others did too.

We all looked at each other. 

Roundhouse kicking Negative Charge across the room, Michael said, "You know (oof), even though we are (biff) incredibly skilled crimefighters (thwak), well versed in UnbelievaFu (clonk) and other forms of hand-to-hand (boiinngg) combat, including but not limited to capoeira (doof), tae kwon do (bosh) and the little-known Scottish art of Fookujimmi (crakk), doesn't this all seem remarkably easy?"

"Now that you (pow) mention it," replied Clark, "I was beginning to think I had just gotten (whammo) amazingly better at fighting, too."

"Chaps, I think it's time (blaff) we did something completely out of left field," I said, casually pummeling the punchable face of Mac Ramey as I did so. "Let's see what happens (kerbloop) if we stop fighting."

The others were incredulous, but quickly decided that they'd give it a try.

"On three, OK? One...two...two and a half...three!!"

We stood still and let our arms flop to our sides. As I suspected, everyone else stopped fighting too and stood around with puzzled looks on their faces. Suddenly we heard a voice.

"CUT!! CUT! Guys, what the hell are you doing?"

We looked across to a director's chair in which an incensed Henri Petit was sitting, wearing a beret and aviator pants and smoking with a very long cigarette holder. 

"You guys weren't supposed to stop! It's not meant to be like this! No fair! My film is ruined! Waaaah!!" he bawled. 

~~~GAME OVER~~~

"Wake up, you guys, come on!" yelled Kip. "You've been playing that game for weeks now!"

We felt a pair of hands removing something from our faces, revealing Kip, solid and definitely not a Petit-driven robot, in front of us.

Woozily, Clark was the first to speak. "What game? What are you talking about?"

"This one." Kip handed Clark a copy of our video game, which has now been made into a Virtual Reality version (only $69.99 in stores now, folks! Get'em while they're hot!).

"Lemme see that," snarled Michael, snatching the box away from Clark. "Hmmm. Well, I'll be goddamned. What level were we on?"

"Apparently, a custom level whereupon you can meet all previous foes and a few new ones, called "THE UNBELIEVABLES MEET TIE-PO AND THE TEETA VON DEESE TRIPLETS" Michael said, reading from the box. "Play as Michael, Clark or Jeff as they team up with an old enemy to defeat an army of old adversaries on a Hollywood backlot." Well, that's what happened, I guess. But the whole backstory of sitting around in the backyard, hearing the girls' voices, watching them drive away in a Renault Espace, meeting Tie-Po, being put in gunnysacks, dumped in a parking garage, picked up by that shrimp Petit and made to fight an onslaught of disguised stuntmen while he films it? To what end, might one ask?"

"You think that's bad," replied Kip. "It's lucky you didn't put it in Zombie mode."

We all three looked at each other. "ZOMBIE MODE?!"

We reached for the goggles...