Of course there's no such thing as an "Unbelievables Starter Kit", but if there was...

A starter kit?
To become an Unbelievable?
Ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

What a gradually ascending 'Ha-ha-ha'-inducing concept. To believe there could ever exist such a thing as an "Unbelievables Starter Kit" is to believe it's possible to just start being Unbelievable. In other words, such a thing could never, ever exist in any form whatsoever.

But if it could exist, it would probably have the following items AT LEAST.

A VOLLEYBALL

Michael enjoys competing in a number of "clothing discouraged optional" sports leagues, but his first love and primary pursuit is the sport of volleyball. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BECOMING A CRIMEFIGHTER? Well, you learn agility, teamwork, and in the leagues Michael plays in, protecting one's dangly bits from speeding projectiles.

WHIPPED POTATOES

There are few things Jeff loves more than good whipped potatoes. What qualifies as good whipped potatoes? Basically, any potatoes prepared and served in a whipped fashion would qualify. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BECOMING A CRIMEFIGHTER? An appreciation of good cuisine is essential. Say you're attending a formal, catered affair where your nemesis is trying to woo vital military secrets from a baroness. There's no better way to draw the attention of everyone in the room than bypassing the flaming shrimp appetizers everyone else is enjoying and ordering, "Potatoes. Whipped, not baked." Jeff has done this more than once and it never fails to jar his adversary's confidence.

A CAR 

Specifically, this car, the Unbelievabamobile. With this girl. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BECOMING A CRIMEFIGHTER? Seriously? If you have to ask that question, there's honestly no point in you pursuing this line of work.

That's just three elements that would have to be included in any kind of "Unbelievables Starter Kit" and I have no idea how you would even package them together. 

Parades are perfect

Yeah, Michael is right. There's definitely something fishy going on. We're not exactly sure who this Gene Joyner is...yet...but what he apparently doesn't know is that we do some of our best work during parades.
Think about it;

• Lots of people
• A serpentine route through the heart of a metropolitan area
• Floats!

An ideal opportunity to create mayhem. An even more ideal-er opportunity to thwart said mayhem.

Of course, step one is to outfit the Unbelievamobile in parade mode. Sure, it looks festive but the oil slicks, smoke bombs and wheel-mounted tire shredders remain completely functional, making it impossible for Shriners on tiny motor scooters to follow us.

It's amazing how many villains have the one great idea of making something evil and giant and how many of those villains think they're the first ones to think of unleashing them during a parade. Also amazing is how easily titanic monsters like this are defeated with a well-aimed lawn dart.

Giant monster, giant man. Whatever. Same concept, same end result: Us = one, bad guys = zero.

For whatever reason, Michael opted out of this one.

I don't know who is supposed to find a giant fish threatening, aside from smaller fish. Regardless, we got this.

Once stupid, mewling, infant jerk Henri Petit got involved by entering an enormous himself (left) in a parade, our patience with the concept was exhausted. Hence the deployment of UnbelievaGiant (right), which we used to punt the giant idiot into the Grand Canyon. 

Usually, our known presence at an event is enough to make people feel safe and comfortable. Such was the case with this Gay Pride parade in Chicago that went off without a hitch, because at that time,  unfortunately, gay people weren't allowed to marry each other. That wasn't our fault, though. We're only human. One battle against the forces of oppression at a time, folks.

No parade is too big or too small for us. We're always in attendance for Stiletto Flats' annual "Salute to Practical Municipal Service Vehicles Day" parade, which is a very brief affair.

I think you get the point. Whatever happens this weekend, we'll be ready. Isn't that right, Jeff?