Duel-ry

Michael and Clark have done a great job of outlining our adventures in dispute resolution, although right off the bat I feel I have to make a comment about Sock'Em (or Socker) Boppers, which of course were a ripoff of one of our ideas - Fistipuffs. Thinking about that time makes me so mad I want to don a pair and Bop the heck out of somebody. Which leads me to talk about an old fashioned method of settling an argument - the duel (and I'm not talking about trucks vs. cars driven by Dennis Weaver).

I'm talking about the kind that involves wigs and flintlocks.

The duel is an age-old, tried and tested, yet completely ineffective way of settling an argument. Winning a dispute based purely on how good of a sharpshooter you are, essentially, defies all logic. Doesn't make you a better person, and it doesn't make your point valid, or even correct. So we recommend less harmful ways of having a fight.

First, if you simply must have a duel, make it more skilful and less life-threatening.

Much better.

If the whole theatrical aspect of the duel is what appeals to you, blow off steam by putting on a production of The Mikado. By the time you've worked together on building sets, rehearsed, collaborated on makeup and costume etc., you'll have hopefully formed some sort of bond and will have forgotten all about your silly squabbles.

Or not.

If you are still sold on Socker Boppers, by all means have a bopping duel. Be aware, though, that bopping duels are more fun with tentacle arms.

Or, you could use the now-reinstated Lobster Rage Fist.

You could go for the instant satisfaction of dumping an ice-cold soft drink on the other person's head.

I have long been a fan of pillow fights. In fact, I encourage the Unbelieva-Babes to have lingerie pillow fights on a regular basis as a way of releasing stress. It's um, a team-building exercise. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Go for it, girls! I for one am lobbying the International Olympic Committee to have Lingerie Pillow Fighting recognized as a bona fide Olympic Sport.

If all else fails you could regress into a childlike state and write a soppy note in hopes that the cuteness factor will save the day.

Never fails.

If none of these ideas works for you, then I suggest hiding up at home with a big bowl of whipped potatoes. Especially on a Tuesday.

I'll be in my room till Wednesday.

Dispute Resolution: A Few Examples

Yes ... dispute resolution. 

Just one more thing in which The Unbelievables excel.

Example: While in Washington to accept one of our many accolades (this particular time it was a presidential commendation for crime fighting) we were invited to sit in on a press conference for some such. There was a big hullabaloo on the set between the producers and director who couldn't figure out which would be the better format - black & white or color. Color, the producers said, would usher in a feeling of realism and "nowness" foisting confidence that the government was "with the times." Black & white, the director argued, would minimize the background noise and help focus on the issue at hand (whatever it was). 

You can see the results of the our efforts in assisting to resolve the debate: Both color and black & white in the same scene. 

"Brilliant!" the producers and director shouted simultaneously as they applied hearty back slaps to Jeff, Clark and myself for getting them out of a sticky jam. The session ended with a celebratory party, lots of champagne and even more praises for us.


Another Example: The sinister Dame Frederica had issues with men all her life. She would rather kill them then let them pass her on the sidewalk. 

The Unbelievables managed to quell those evil tendencies (along with additional jail time) by utilizing the simple technique of "pulling men's strings" while she wore nothing but her undergarments. We're proud to say Dame Frederica still remains outside the hoosegow today.

Of note, it's interesting Clark brought up the dinner dish fiasco between husband and wife last post. Because - not only did we define fighting fairness and, thus, dispute resolution - it instigated the development of one of our most innovative products of the time: Fistipuffs by The Unbelievables.

Naturally, with any popular product, imitators come out of the woodwork. In the case of Fistipuffs, the cheap Socker Boppers were launched with a marketing campaign of renown. 

Jeff will clue you into some of the details of how our invention got ripped off by Charles "Chuckie" Swift, seen below with a Socker Boppers display in a Woolworth department store.

Bastard ...