That settles it. I guess.

Michael has a good plan. It's effective and easy to implement.

I don't like it.

Don't get me wrong; like I said, it is a good plan. But it lacks...something.

Specifically, it lacks kicking.
And glass breaking.
And gravity imposing it's will on a mewling airborne blob.
And impact with a hard and/or abrasive surface below, followed by one of us (me) delivering a sardonic pun, quip or catchphrase like, "have a nice trip", "see you next fall" or "whoops".

But it is a good plan. I guess that's good enough. This time.

Dispute Resolution: A Few Examples

Yes ... dispute resolution. 

Just one more thing in which The Unbelievables excel.

Example: While in Washington to accept one of our many accolades (this particular time it was a presidential commendation for crime fighting) we were invited to sit in on a press conference for some such. There was a big hullabaloo on the set between the producers and director who couldn't figure out which would be the better format - black & white or color. Color, the producers said, would usher in a feeling of realism and "nowness" foisting confidence that the government was "with the times." Black & white, the director argued, would minimize the background noise and help focus on the issue at hand (whatever it was). 

You can see the results of the our efforts in assisting to resolve the debate: Both color and black & white in the same scene. 

"Brilliant!" the producers and director shouted simultaneously as they applied hearty back slaps to Jeff, Clark and myself for getting them out of a sticky jam. The session ended with a celebratory party, lots of champagne and even more praises for us.


Another Example: The sinister Dame Frederica had issues with men all her life. She would rather kill them then let them pass her on the sidewalk. 

The Unbelievables managed to quell those evil tendencies (along with additional jail time) by utilizing the simple technique of "pulling men's strings" while she wore nothing but her undergarments. We're proud to say Dame Frederica still remains outside the hoosegow today.

Of note, it's interesting Clark brought up the dinner dish fiasco between husband and wife last post. Because - not only did we define fighting fairness and, thus, dispute resolution - it instigated the development of one of our most innovative products of the time: Fistipuffs by The Unbelievables.

Naturally, with any popular product, imitators come out of the woodwork. In the case of Fistipuffs, the cheap Socker Boppers were launched with a marketing campaign of renown. 

Jeff will clue you into some of the details of how our invention got ripped off by Charles "Chuckie" Swift, seen below with a Socker Boppers display in a Woolworth department store.

Bastard ...

Why you didn't see us on "Black Friday"

Every year, it seems the problem of over-aggressive bargain seekers creating mayhem at early "door buster" retail sales on the day after Thanksgiving (aka "Black Friday") gets bigger. At least it gets more attention. With that, we get more people inquiring, "why don't The Unbelievables get involved and do something about this?". Well, it's not really a matter of picking our battles except in this case it totally is. Just take a look at this...

See that big, ugly, swirling, sweaty, tacky mass of pushing and pulling? No style. No grace. No class. Ugh. Those people aren't going to listen to us and we certainly don't want to hear anything they have to say. Even the worst supervillians we deal with have an element of elan that is utterly lacking in these crude chotchkie clutchers.

Even the horrible, disgusting man-toddler Henri Petit at least knows how to rock a sweater vest.

Simply put, we're not above settling disputes as long as they're classy.

Here we are (note the neutral corner) settling a debate between a husband and wife over who should clean the post-dinner dishes. It was our idea for the lady to remain seated as she might grow weary and to wear gloves, so as to protect her manicure. She lost. Badly.

These two gentlemen nearly came to blows over which was the bigger anachronism, the bicycles parked nearby or everything about the woman yelling at them. We were able to convince them, with surprisngly little effort, that they had far more in common than they did in dispute. They're still married today. Congratulations, Fred and Walter!

Lastly, here we are simulating fisticuffs for the benefit of a local chapter of "We Solve All Of Our Problems With Guns!" (W.S.A.O.O.P.W.G), opening their minds to the possibility of settling certain conflicts in a slightly less-fatal manner. It looks like Michael is restraining Jeff so I can land an uncontested haymaker. However, this is actually a split second before everything I ate for a week tasted like Jeff's left shoe.
I'm sure my colleagues would be delighted to share examples of other disputes where we were either directly involved in the resolution of or had no intention whatsoever of getting involved at all.