Programming for the wee ones

Yeah, now might be a good time to get back into television and other content produced specifically for children. We haven't had that element in our employ since we folded the "Li'l Unbelievables" franchise.
Oh, we didn't tell you we did that?
Well, we did. Because we had to.

Turns out Oliver Pepperpot, who we had regarded as a kindly grandfather type dedicated to producing fun and educational material for children wasn't exactly who we thought he was.

"And who is your favorite 'Li'l Unbelievable', little girl?"

 Well, he was...in a way. He was sincerely committed to all of those things and did a great job. But he had a questionable side business that created some problems due to an inherent conflict of interest.

Specifically, he was selling weapons to our foes.

"And what is your favorite semi-automatic firearm capable of accepting a detachable magazine with a folding or telescoping (collapsible) stock, which reduces the overall length of the firearm and a pistol grip that protrudes conspicuously beneath the action of the weapon, little boy?"

So yeah, we had to let him go and the children's programming department with him. It was very sad because we genuinely liked Oliver. Such a sweet, sweet man.

It was also sad when we had to kick him off a bridge after he tried to kill us for letting him go.

But maybe the time is right to explore our options and get back into it.

It's About The Kids ... Nothing More

Here's the thing:

When our foes observe something they think is from us, something they believe causes them slight, they immediately go into action to try to counter it.

In this case? Our success with The Li'l Unbelievables.

Honestly, when we put the idea together it was all about the kids. Nothing more.

Clark, Jeff and I simply don't understand how our foes see The Li'l Unbelievables and think we're thumbing our nose at them. Do you see any hint of that? No? Neither do we.

"Oh! Look at The Unbelievables this week! They think they're better than us by catering to children and parents! We'll show them!"

In their eyes, it's all about them. They see it as us stepping on their toes. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Regardless, it's not stopping them from launching faux rhetoric in an attempt to besmirch us. But they can't even get that right.


We're not certain who it is - it might be a collaborative effort from several of our enemies, who knows? - but someone has begun putting out kids' books to make The Li'l Unbelievables look bad. Naturally, these books are failing spectacularly; the public is not fooled.

Here ... let me show you:

This is just wrong. A feeble attempt to not only sully Clark's good name but imply he's other than pleasant to be around. And we all know that's simply not true. (Mostly.)

Wow. Just ... wow. 

Really? Kids are going to believe this? I mean they're kids. Impressionable and innocent, yes ... but who's ever heard of a whipped potato monster?

Known Fact: All kids love whipped potatoes. So ... this? Nothing but a sad, pitiful fabrication.

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin with this one. The implications alone fly far overhead of any child I know.

But here's the real kicker: There's actually small print on the inside cover of this book that states: "In the interest of decency no actual photographs of Michael in any state of undress were used in the creation of this book. Federal, state and local laws prohibit the use of any such photographs siting child pornography concerns."

Unreal.

I had a few tales lined up in light of Clark's mention Monday ...

Parents: Gather your kids and see what happens next when Li'l Jeff and Li'l Michael continue our story of Stylish Tots and the mischief they get into!

... until the above examples started appearing on the shelves of bookstores everywhere.

Worry not though, folks. Character defamation letters have already gone out courtesy of The Law Offices of Poon.

 

The Unbelievables... For Kids!

We know that children look up to us as role models. We also realize that many of our exploits are not suitable for the wee ones. That's why we're proud to announce:

The Li'l Unbelievables

"These kids are fun! Fun clothes! Fun hair! Fun attitudes!

From the secret files of The Kitsch Story-Telling Lady ... we present ... The Li'l Unbelievables!"

See Jeff.

See Jeff and Michael.

See Jeff, Michael and Clark

See Ulf the Unbelievapuppy

Michael is not wearing a dress.

"Arf! Arf!", says Ulf the Unbelievapuppy

Maybe he is.

If so, that is okay.

But Michael hates wearing pants.

"I hate wearing pants!", says Michael

So it's probably just a long shirt.

Probably.

"Let's have an adventure!", says Jeff

"What a good idea!", says Michael

"I like adventures!", says Clark

"Arf! Arf!", says Ulf the Unbelievapuppy

"We should battle Henri Petit!", says Jeff

"Perfect! We are the same size now!", says Michael

"I want to kick him out of a window!", says Clark

"I like to hear the shattering noise!"

Shatter, glass, shatter

"And see Henri Petit fall to the ground!"

Shatter, Henri Petit, shatter

"Arf! Arf!", says Ulf the Unbelievapuppy

Parents: Gather your kids and see what happens next when Li'l Jeff and Li'l Michael continue our story of Stylish Tots and the mischief they get into!