The Great Freak Snowstorm Party (or, the case of the dirty punchbowl)

It was Yuletide down in Stiletto Flats
And downtown was all twinkly and sparkly
But in a top-secret location
We three fellas looked through a glass, darkly.

"This punchbowl is filthy,", said Michael.
"Who soiled it? I really must know!"
The other two of us three
Were as puzzled as he - 
But right then, it started to snow.

"Snow? In Nevada? Really?" said Clark,
"It isn't unheard of, but rare..."
I stood scratching my head.
"Let's get out the sled!",
Cried Michael. We others yelled "Yeah!"

We called up a few of our cohorts
And said "Hey everybody, c'mon!"
"The snow's coming down, let's build snowmen,
And go sledding before it's all gone!"

The first to arrive was The Kitsch Bitsch
And she made a beeline for the bar.
(No, it's not what you think,
She was mixing some drinks!)
Then she saw the punchbowl and cried "AARGH!"

"This punchbowl is filthy, who soiled it?"
We all looked at her and gave a shrug.
She stared at us guys
Arms akimbo, and sighed
"No matter, I'll just use this jug."

Some other guests started arriving
Marissa was dressed for the weather.
She looked just like Anna Karenina-
But 75 times more clever.

Laura was stunning in her teal blue coat
Accented with what looked like snow.
She said "the old El Dorado refuses to start,
So I skied all the way, dontcha know."

We all went out to the backyard
Which was blanketed thickly in white.
Guests were building snowvillains
And making snow forts
And having a huge snowball fight.

Then the band "Playgirl Club" made their entrance
They set up their gear and plugged in.
They sound a bit like Grand Funk Railroad
With a bit of Mel Torme thrown in.

The KB, our mentor, gave us a drink,
Saying "I call this an Irish Mule.
It's icy, yet fiery with ginger,
And a kick like Peter O'Toole."

(For recipe, see below)

Well, those drinks warmed us up, that's for sure,
And the party, it went with a bang.
It was getting quite late in the evening
When Clark slapped his head and went "Dang!"

"What's up buddy boy?" said Michael and I.
"What irks you? What's giving you grief?"
He replied "The punchbowl! It's my fault!"
Michael muttered, "Well, that's a relief."

Clark said "I used it to transplant seedlings,
from the garden to my terrarium.
"I just set it down when I walked back inside - On the shelf right next to the aquarium."

"No, it's my fault," I said. "Blame me, guys."
"I used it to make whipped potatoes in."
"I thought they were earthy and tasted quite dirty - 
That explains it!" said Michael with a grin.

"But I must tell you guys, I'd be lying
If I didn't explain what I knew.
I used it myself, before you did - 
Cleaning mud from the sole of my shoe."

So that was the punchbowl mystery solved
And we had a good laugh and a giggle.
Then we unplugged the band and switched on the hi-fi
(The band's music had started to niggle.)

We three headed into the kitchen
Clark made a huge batch of hot cocoa.*
I cooked up my world-famous waffles
(Jamie Oliver's recipe. Sshh! they don't know.)*

We all sat and chilled out, munching waffles,
(Which we dunked in the cocoa - yum yum!)
All the guests went back home, with a tear in their eye-
Well, that's not quite true. Not everyone.
(Hello, ladies!!!)

The next morn, the snow had all melted,
And you'd never have known it was there.
But those who were there have their memories
Of the freak snowstorm party that year.

So let's raise a glass of something,
And wish good will to all, peace on earth.
Happy holidays to all and sundry
(even villains... for what it's worth.)


*Recipes follow...

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/chocolate-recipes/epic-hot-chocolate/

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/eggs-recipes/griddle-pan-waffles/

Irish Mule Recipe:
-1 part good quality Irish Whiskey
-2 parts Jamaican style Fiery Ginger Beer 
-Aromatic Cocktail Bitters
-several lime wedges and juice of 2 whole limes

In a large pitcher half filled with ice, mix together whiskey, ginger ale, and juice from 2 limes. Top off with 2 splashes of bitters. Garnish with the lime wedges.


Sit back, drink, and enjoy!

NB: For a Kentucky Mule, substitute the Irish Whiskey for Bourbon.

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

It's great that the guys told you all about our fantastic association with Queen, the most amazing rock band in the history of all things cool, and their influence on our style and vice versa. 

But I would be remiss if I did not relate to you the now-declassified tale of the single greatest day in our Unbelievable lives!

That's right. A day so amazing it would be scorched like a brand onto our collective brains.

It all started when in 1978 Freddie rushed excitedly into the Unbelievabase clutching an advance copy of their new album Jazz. (Remember, this was the 70s, when you could get away with giving your new LP a title that had nothing to do with the record contained therein, such as James Taylor's Greatest Hits or The Best Of Roger Whittaker.) 

"Listen to this!" shouted Fred, putting the record on the Blaupunkt and cranking it to 11.

We were mesmerized. Mesmerized enough to stop what we were up to (a game of Strip Parcheesi, as I recall) and listened to the instant classic that was Jazz.

Still, we could not help but notice the look of worry and concern on Freddie's face. We were curious. What on earth did he have to be anxious about? The album was brilliant, as has been already noted. So we asked him. 

"Why the long face? What's troubling you?"

"Well," he replied, "I'm having a creative block. The first single off of Jazz is gonna be a double-A side, "Bicycle Race" and "Fat Bottomed Girls" but I have absolutely no idea how to promote it. I mean, listen to those songs. Those songs ROCK OUT LOUD! They are guaranteed KILLERS! But the record-buying public is fickle. They'll buy anything the DJs tell them to. How else do you explain Clive Dunn's "Grandad" going to Number One?"

"Good point" quoth I.

"Trouble is, I need something so amazing, so shocking, so memorable that it'll be a shoo-in for sure... but what??"

"So you thought you'd pop in and pick our brains, eh?" interjected Clark, in a perplexing Canadian accent he was trying to perfect for some oddball reason (turns out he had had a brief fling with a Canadian air hostess, and was probably hoping to repeat the process).

Freddie was slightly embarrassed. "Um, er... yeah."

"Well, why didn't you say so!!" Michael and I cheered in unison. We were already two steps ahead. 

"Leave it to us, Freddie. We'll get this sorted in no time." I reassured him.

Clark leapt to his feet and fetched us all a beer. "BREWSKIES, EH!?!" he declared.

For once, we let it slide. 

So... a few phone calls to the Unbelievababes, to Marissa and Laura, several bike shops in London, a few top photographers and Wembley Stadium later, we had it all arranged.

I think you know where this is all going.

The Unbelievababes, with Laura and Marissa somewhere in there.

Marla and Trixie won top prize! (For what, I'm not sure).

We all got to spend the day in London watching the Unbelievababes ride around naked on bicycles!! Oh. My. God. We were in hog heaven - especially Michael, who spends most of his life getting naked anyway. It was so much fun, and such a success that they incorporated the shoot into the video.





Queen - Bicycle Race by Leo59

Not only that, but sometimes the Unbelievababes were drafted in to participate in live shows when the band were playing the song.

So there you have it. 

We've done a lot of fun stuff in our lives, but a day spent watching naked girls on bikes in the company of the greatest rock band in the world, as well as my two amazing crimefighting compadres, takes some licking. 

But that's another story...