Leap Day Lunacy

You recall a little earlier in the year we discussed that group of lame-o wannabe criminals known as The Leapers? The bunch of Crash Bandicoot-obsessed Aussie ex-athletes who cause mayhem once every four years? Well, in case you were wondering, we are prepared for them. We've gone and acquired ourselves this little custom-made beauty...

a bunch of controllers...

and a ton of Crash Bandicoot games.

And we set them up like this...

Fig. 1: Just a simple mock-up, but you get the idea. It really will be this easy. The Leapers are not the brightest bulbs in the lamps department. You could strangle them with a cordless phone, you know what I'm saying?

There have been many other instances of catching criminals in the past where the simplest and sometimes silliest-sounding solution  has been the best approach. 

We once had to track down and capture the Small Faces (don't ask why, it would take too long). Simple yet nutty solution? One of those late 60s globe chairs that were kicking about ten-a-penny.

Serial hugger Stacie Contrapuntal was ensnared easily by the use of a fake spangly snake.

Fur filching Fannie Firenza was the problem - Clark and myself with stockings over our heads was the solution.

And The Small Faces - again - were captured with the aid of an oversized comedy overcoat.

I'm sure the guys will have more stories of unusual methods of capture later in the week.

Leap Of The Lame

"Perhaps Michael can unearth some more info about them on Friday."

And "unearth" some more info I did. Reluctantly.

Let me explain ...

The Leapers aren't your ordinary ne'er do wells as you've read. Leaping about? Appearing only every 4 years as Leap Year's Day approaches? What idiocy is that, anyway?

And, truth be told, they're not that adept at thievery or as baddies. As Clark stated, they're "more a gaggle of annoying boobs" than anything else.

But, pain that it may be, we're called upon to quash their antics every election year like clockwork. It's really not that hard.

We find them, they get excited at our appearance, they get more agitated than usual, they do more leaping than usual and we nab them in mid leap. There's not much they can do about it. Easy, peasy.

But ... that "unearthing" I mentioned above ...

It seems the lot of them are from Down Under, I discovered. We didn't know this until recently. They neatly and effectively masked their Aussie accents for some reason -- we just assumed they were from somewhere in the states.

Anyway, some of my sleuthiness revealed they almost worship the Sony PlayStation character Crash Bandicoot. Their logic? Crash was continuously leaping about and crashing into stuff. In the case of the original game he was developed for, Crash "crashed" into crates releasing puzzle pieces to solve puzzles. There was more crashing than leaping, but the leaping part of the character stuck with The Leapers. (Because ... would you believe a gang of sub-par villains named "The Crashers" ... ??? Sounds more like they break into residences and pass out cold 'til morning.)

Thus, the somewhat perplexing origin of The Leapers, such that it is. I know, pretty lame. But what are you going to do? We don't give bad guys their names, they didn't give us ours. (Which, incidentally, is a pretty badass moniker for a top-notch crime fighting team.)

In many ways? The Leapers are a sad, sorry excuse for thugs. Dumb as Henri Petit is, at least he's got some skills. As "nice" as Negative Charge ("Master Of Electricity") is, he sports a menacing computer monitor for a head. The Leapers? They leap. And commit simple thievery, what they believe is the condolence prize for their inability to make it as premiere athletes. Wow.

And there you have it. *yawn* Now? We need to skedaddle and go monitor what those dolts are up to. Life may not always be glamorous as an Unbelievable ... but ...

Wait ... what? Am I goofy?!? Life as an Unbelievable is kick ass! We wouldn't want it any other way!

Weekend? And Unbelieva-Babes? Here we come ... !!!