We'd Do Just About Anything ... But We Won't Do That ...

The following took place a few months ago ...

*ring, ring*

Jeff answered the Unbelieva-Phone.

"Hello? Yes? Yeah? Well ... hold on a moment. That's not my department. Michael's the one you want to talk to ... hold on a moment ..."

I heard my name yelled out.

"What?"

"There's a Standish Coffee on the phone, says he's from San Diego Comic-Con. Pick up, will you?"

"What does he want? I was just about to go out for volleyball practice with a few Unbelieva-Babes ..." I told him.

"No clue. I told him you would handle it."

Hrmphing at the interruption (hey ... you get interrupted en route to a little volleyball practice with the Unbelieva-Babes and see if you don't get tiffed) but somewhat interested at who it was, I picked up the phone. "Hello ... this is Michael ..."

"Michael? Of The Unbelievables? Great. This is Standish Coffee, marketing head of Comic-Con International. I want to extend an invitation to you and your comrades to come down to San Diego next month to do a panel at San Diego Comic-Con. We'll pay for all expenses - travel, lodging, meals. Your panel will be up to you, you can talk about whatever you want for an hour. We'll even schedule you in Ballroom 20, one of the best venues. Thousands will attend. You can do a Q&A, show video, we can arrange an autograph session, whatever you want. Having you guys here will be a thrill. What do you say?"

Clark had overheard Jeff mention Comic-Con and both had congregated around me to try to pick up on what was going on.

"Thanks for the call. We're not interested, though. We appreciated you guys thinking of us. That lodging and travel freebie is mighty tempting. Maybe we can plan for next year if we can have something that jives with what Comic-Con is and does. Later." I hung up.

"Was that Comic-Con? Did I hear right?!? I've never been! I want to go!" Clark said excitedly. "Get back on the phone and tell that guy we'll be there!"

"Clark ... listen to me: Comic-Con is about comics, comic characters, comic books, comic art. We don't have anything to do with any of that ..."

"Are you insane?!? Hollywood has been attending for years! Promoting new TV shows! Debuting movie trailers! Offering stars the chance to show their adoring fans they appreciate them! Don't we want to do that!?!"

"No, we don't. We're not performing monkeys. We don't have a comic book ..." (I jotted a note in a notebook about putting an Unbelievables comic together) "... and we don't need them. Our fans know where we are and they get hold of us whenever they want."

"He's got a point, Clark ..." Jeff muttered. "I mean ... I'd like to go but Michael's right: We'd be swamped if we went. And we don't have any real reason to be there other than as fans. Still ..."

"... but ..." Clark stammered "... Comic-Con! All expenses paid, yes?! Free! Stinkin'! Tickets! To! Comic-Con ... !!! Chicks in superhero costumes!"

So ... now? Clark might have a point ...

"Let's not lose sight of who we are and what we do here, guys. Let's not get caught up in the glamor of it all. I mean ... what can Comic-Con offer that we don't already enjoy or do? We do have the Unbelieva-Babes, remember ..."

The guys reluctantly understood and nodded knowingly.

You see ... The Unbelievables, while we might have carefree and seemingly wild lifestyles and adventures, have an image to maintain. And pandering to the masses is not that image.

This, kicking our enemies out multi-story tower windows however, is:

Jeff and Clark will provide a few other examples when we turned down situations. Or ... they may not ...

A Hive Of Scum And Villainy part 2

It's true, getting away to San Diego once a year to frolic with the Comic Con folks is pretty much his thang. What he doesn't know is that Jeff and I planned to show up and surprise him there this year. That scheme ran into a couple of snags though.
First, I got to town and talked my way into an extra key to his hotel suite at the impossibly posh San Diego Grand Plaza Terrarium. I changed into a perfect and brilliant disguise and went to his room. However, when I got there, I found a would-be assassin lying in wait. Tsk. As Unbelievables, there's never a time when we're truly safe from ne'er do-wells. Anyway, thanks to the top-notch security system at the San Diego Grand Plaza Terrarium, I'm able to show you exactly how I took care of the situation.
If you think that was wacky, just wait until you hear Jeff's story!

A Hive Of Scum And Villainy

Want to know where one of the world's most dangerous pantheons of deviousness resides? Where hundreds of ne'er-do-wells and schemers who wish to put the "bad" in badness meet up?

Beautiful San Diego, California.

In mid-July at the southern tip of the state smack dab in the middle of "America's Finest City" there's a little shindig known as Comic-Con International which showcases a festival of all things geek in nature.

Originally fueled at its core by the once lowly comic book, Comic-Con has morphed over the years into a spectacle welcoming dork interests, nerd attractants and cosplay weirdos for years. And it's really played up to television and film promotion in the last 10 showings, too. Enough hype to fill your wazoo, enough private parties to choke a horse, enough panels and detailed workshops and art shows to please any passerby. Add it all up and you have a 4-day orgy that brings out the heretofore socially stunted contingent of the world's population in unparalleled numbers.

But ...

Comic-Con isn't just for the geeky fan or casual observer. Oh, no.

Underneath it all is a not-so-secret playground for the criminal element, where bad guys glean ideas for new and innovative monkey business to foist on an unsuspecting public. Where they blueprint their next nefarious plan for world domination. Where they can hobnob and rub elbows with other fiends to network their skills and knowledge. Simply for the benefit of their over-sized delusions of grandeur.

Yep. Comic-Con. Bad people's paradise. 

Let me show you some examples, both brilliant and ... well, not so brilliant of their work:

Some wannabee villains think an unsuspecting public will fall for just about anything ...

Ummmmm ... no.

Clearly an aged and underhanded baddie who just doesn't know when to call it quits.
(As evidenced by her "cleverly disguised" motorized wheelchair.)

 Again: No. (*yeesh*)

Talk about "working it."
Even good guys like me are impressed with this kind of dedication.

Hello, Ladies!

 See what I mean about delusions of grandeur?

 As a bad guy wannabee,
if you think you can get away with putting a burger on your back
and using it as some sort of evil bomb or propulsion unit?
You've got quite a way to go in the R&D Department ...

No question which side of the fence this guy is on ... 

Obvious villains.

I again note the dude with the burger on his back a few photos up: 
It's back to the drawing board, folks.

Yes, it's obvious this woman doesn't have anyone's best interests at heart.
But, she's not the concern.
See the dude in the back giving the "thumbs up" at her?
He's a clear candidate for evil.

Now, while this Smokin' Joe may appear to be a badass,
you have to applaud his honesty.

I'm saddened to report fellow Unbelievables Clark and Jeff weren't able to accompany me on this (not so) little reconnaissance venture. But rest assured they'll weigh in just the same. 

Diversionary tactics

Michael isn't even in this photo... or is he?

Ho ho! Well played, Michael!

Now that he's told you all that he's going to be in San Diego, attending comic-con, can you guess exactly where he isn't going to be? If you said "in San Diego, attending comic-con", congratulations! You're starting to think like an Unbelievable and less like some dumb dope criminal.

"Duh, why do I always get caught?"

See, much like magic, the key element to going deep undercover is deception. Also, subterfuge, deceit, deception, delusion, equivocating, guile and fibbing. Those are all basically one thing.

So now that Michael has told you he is in San Diego and I've just told you that he is not and also that we are good at lying, where is he really?

Exactly.

(Truth is, we honestly don't know, which means he's doing it right. Although, wherever he is, we figure he's probably naked)

(Possible) Undercover Operations

Funny.

It doesn't look like I'm undercover in any of these photos. Duh. 

You think I can reveal what particular beard/hairstyle and couture I'll be sporting for the coming days while at Comic-Con in San Diego?

Heck no! What are you ... GOOFY ... ?!??!? 

There has to be decorum ... secrecy ... backdoor doings ... and intrigue. 

If operations are successful, I might be able to get files declassified immediately in order to download information that you might find ... interesting.

In the meantime, you know where I'm at - with a bunch of geeks, freaks and weirdos invading the streets of San Diego ...